• Quote of the Day
    "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness by
    giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged."
    Dale Carnegie, posted by Cat Dancer

haunting

Member
Joined
Nov 11, 2004
Messages
142
Points
16
Hello everyone. Its been a long time since I have come but I will make a long story short.

I had been doing much better. My t is such a wonderful man: I have never in my life been lucky enough to have someone that shows deep compassion and care as he does. It has been hard to build a trusting relationship with him and was a slow process but I now feel able to share with him what I have never allowed another soul to have knowledge about my past experiences.

I gained some weight and began looking healthy again but the process has broken down and I feel so sad, kind of like I am failing. I have begun losing weight, draining my body with the obessive "work outs" with little nutrition for my body to cope.

So many events have taken place and I do realize what has caused this set back but I am scared that I am once again losing control. I am desperately seeking new residence for my children and I as my bf has slowly become more and more agressive leaving me with constant bruises and threats to remind me that I can't leave. I fear for my kids (he has not physically harmed them), but what if he does come after us if we leave?

Financially we can't make it on our own. I talked to my t today on the phone and told him that I have to go job hunting and he got upset with me. But without the financial stability there is no way that I can make ends meet to provide for my kids. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place: don't know what to do but if we stay nothing can get better. I know that the violence will only increase as I have been down this road so many times before, but how does one make changes when the money just is not on our side.

I can't go to any family. My sisters have not talked to me in over a three month span and they would not help anyway. I am torn with the issues between my parents and I as I grew up in an abusive home so the support is definetly not down that path. I tried so hard to hide away the severity of the abusive as a child, wanting to protect them because of my mom being so ill. I just can't close my eyes to it anymore, it hurts way too much.

So, I have discovered a lot about myself in these last few months. I have begun to set boundries, made goals to better the situation for my kids and I, worked so hard to allow my t to have this knowledge of the events in my life---this I am proud of. I am at a stand still as fear is becoming the control again.

I did say that this would be a long story shortened--trust me it is.

Thanks for reading,

IN ORDER TO SEE THE RAINBOW, YOU MUST ENDURE SOME RAIN. (isn't that a lovely statement-I love this as it holds much truth.

Haunting
 

haunting

Member
Joined
Nov 11, 2004
Messages
142
Points
16
Hello everyone. Its been a long time since I have come but I will make a long story short.

I had been doing much better. My t is such a wonderful man: I have never in my life been lucky enough to have someone that shows deep compassion and care as he does. It has been hard to build a trusting relationship with him and was a slow process but I now feel able to share with him what I have never allowed another soul to have knowledge about my past experiences.

I gained some weight and began looking healthy again but the process has broken down and I feel so sad, kind of like I am failing. I have begun losing weight, draining my body with the obessive "work outs" with little nutrition for my body to cope.

So many events have taken place and I do realize what has caused this set back but I am scared that I am once again losing control. I am desperately seeking new residence for my children and I as my bf has slowly become more and more agressive leaving me with constant bruises and threats to remind me that I can't leave. I fear for my kids (he has not physically harmed them), but what if he does come after us if we leave?

Financially we can't make it on our own. I talked to my t today on the phone and told him that I have to go job hunting and he got upset with me. But without the financial stability there is no way that I can make ends meet to provide for my kids. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place: don't know what to do but if we stay nothing can get better. I know that the violence will only increase as I have been down this road so many times before, but how does one make changes when the money just is not on our side.

I can't go to any family. My sisters have not talked to me in over a three month span and they would not help anyway. I am torn with the issues between my parents and I as I grew up in an abusive home so the support is definetly not down that path. I tried so hard to hide away the severity of the abusive as a child, wanting to protect them because of my mom being so ill. I just can't close my eyes to it anymore, it hurts way too much.

So, I have discovered a lot about myself in these last few months. I have begun to set boundries, made goals to better the situation for my kids and I, worked so hard to allow my t to have this knowledge of the events in my life---this I am proud of. I am at a stand still as fear is becoming the control again.

I did say that this would be a long story shortened--trust me it is.

Thanks for reading,

IN ORDER TO SEE THE RAINBOW, YOU MUST ENDURE SOME RAIN. (isn't that a lovely statement-I love this as it holds much truth.

Haunting
 

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