Hello everyone. Its been a long time since I have come but I will make a long story short.
I had been doing much better. My t is such a wonderful man: I have never in my life been lucky enough to have someone that shows deep compassion and care as he does. It has been hard to build a trusting relationship with him and was a slow process but I now feel able to share with him what I have never allowed another soul to have knowledge about my past experiences.
I gained some weight and began looking healthy again but the process has broken down and I feel so sad, kind of like I am failing. I have begun losing weight, draining my body with the obessive "work outs" with little nutrition for my body to cope.
So many events have taken place and I do realize what has caused this set back but I am scared that I am once again losing control. I am desperately seeking new residence for my children and I as my bf has slowly become more and more agressive leaving me with constant bruises and threats to remind me that I can't leave. I fear for my kids (he has not physically harmed them), but what if he does come after us if we leave?
Financially we can't make it on our own. I talked to my t today on the phone and told him that I have to go job hunting and he got upset with me. But without the financial stability there is no way that I can make ends meet to provide for my kids. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place: don't know what to do but if we stay nothing can get better. I know that the violence will only increase as I have been down this road so many times before, but how does one make changes when the money just is not on our side.
I can't go to any family. My sisters have not talked to me in over a three month span and they would not help anyway. I am torn with the issues between my parents and I as I grew up in an abusive home so the support is definetly not down that path. I tried so hard to hide away the severity of the abusive as a child, wanting to protect them because of my mom being so ill. I just can't close my eyes to it anymore, it hurts way too much.
So, I have discovered a lot about myself in these last few months. I have begun to set boundries, made goals to better the situation for my kids and I, worked so hard to allow my t to have this knowledge of the events in my life---this I am proud of. I am at a stand still as fear is becoming the control again.
I did say that this would be a long story shortened--trust me it is.
Thanks for reading,
IN ORDER TO SEE THE RAINBOW, YOU MUST ENDURE SOME RAIN. (isn't that a lovely statement-I love this as it holds much truth.
Haunting
I had been doing much better. My t is such a wonderful man: I have never in my life been lucky enough to have someone that shows deep compassion and care as he does. It has been hard to build a trusting relationship with him and was a slow process but I now feel able to share with him what I have never allowed another soul to have knowledge about my past experiences.
I gained some weight and began looking healthy again but the process has broken down and I feel so sad, kind of like I am failing. I have begun losing weight, draining my body with the obessive "work outs" with little nutrition for my body to cope.
So many events have taken place and I do realize what has caused this set back but I am scared that I am once again losing control. I am desperately seeking new residence for my children and I as my bf has slowly become more and more agressive leaving me with constant bruises and threats to remind me that I can't leave. I fear for my kids (he has not physically harmed them), but what if he does come after us if we leave?
Financially we can't make it on our own. I talked to my t today on the phone and told him that I have to go job hunting and he got upset with me. But without the financial stability there is no way that I can make ends meet to provide for my kids. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place: don't know what to do but if we stay nothing can get better. I know that the violence will only increase as I have been down this road so many times before, but how does one make changes when the money just is not on our side.
I can't go to any family. My sisters have not talked to me in over a three month span and they would not help anyway. I am torn with the issues between my parents and I as I grew up in an abusive home so the support is definetly not down that path. I tried so hard to hide away the severity of the abusive as a child, wanting to protect them because of my mom being so ill. I just can't close my eyes to it anymore, it hurts way too much.
So, I have discovered a lot about myself in these last few months. I have begun to set boundries, made goals to better the situation for my kids and I, worked so hard to allow my t to have this knowledge of the events in my life---this I am proud of. I am at a stand still as fear is becoming the control again.
I did say that this would be a long story shortened--trust me it is.
Thanks for reading,
IN ORDER TO SEE THE RAINBOW, YOU MUST ENDURE SOME RAIN. (isn't that a lovely statement-I love this as it holds much truth.
Haunting
