Feeling tired and low

[just mary]

I wasn't sure where to put this, I feel depressed but I also slipped up yesterday and drank 1.5 bottles of wine. It wasn't that much wine, I just drank it way too fast and on an empty stomach. I'm not sure why I drank, I just did. My husband K. has been working non-stop the past six weeks so maybe I was just feeling lonely and sorry for myself. And I've also been reading a book called "Straw Dogs" by John Gray, it's a mish mash of thoughts from different philosophers, kind of like a "Philosophy for Dummies". Anyway, his view on humans is not positive but I agree with a lot of what he says. The following passage is taken from the book and though it is supposed to refer to society, it reminds me of my life:

"The needs that are met by tyrants are as real as those to which freedom answers; sometimes they are more urgent. Tyrants promise security - and release from the tedium of everyday existence. To be sure, this is only a confused fantasy. The drab truth of tyranny is a life spent in waiting. But the perennial romance of tyranny comes from promising its subjects a life more interesting than any they can contrive for themselves. Whatever they become, tyrannies begin as festivals for the depressed. Dictators may come to power on the back of chaos, but their unspoken promise is that they will relieve the boredom of their subjects."

-John Gray from "Straw Dogs Thoughts on Humans and Other Animals

That paragraph rang true for me. Things became clear for a bit and then they got muddled again. So I drank and now I feel awful. And I hate myself.

I guess I just needed to vent a bit.

Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No need to hate yourself, Mary. It was a slip, that's all. A little blip on the radar. Just a portion of one day in your life.

Tomorrow is another day, another beginning.

All any of us can do is look toward the future in the form of the next new day and try again to take a step or two toward our goals. Some days we'll slip. Some days we might even fall flat on our faces. There's always another new day beginning with the next sunrise.

 

[Eunoia]

Mary, we learn from our mistakes I guess... it's over now so you can't change it, why beat yourself up about it? I know that's always easier said than done, I go through the same thing w/ si or my ed but try to remember the times you made it through without resorting back to those coping mechanisms... and eventually it dawns on you that life does go on, whether you slip up or not, so you might as well start focusing on the next day, the next step, working towards a new goal.... slip ups aren't an end, they're a new beginning, and experiences to learn from. try not to feel too awful about this hun, we've all been there one way or another, giving in to something.... but there really isn't much choice but to learn from it and rise again. you can do it!

interesting passage... about (false) security, a life spent in waiting, festivals for the depressed..... sure gets you thinking.

 

[just mary]

I just wanted to say thank-you for your words of encouragement, they help. I'm at work today and I'm feeling a bit better, it just takes time.

Take care and thanks again,

 

[Techie]

Hi Mary1968,

Sounds pretty normal to me... Dont know how many times I sought comfort in the bottom of a bottle when feeling too lonely or frustrated. Never worked though. Lots of headaches and feeling sick the next day. Its just better for us if those days are few and far between !

Overall... I know where you are coming from I guess.

I dont know if there is any need to hate one-self for feeling like that is there ?

 

[ThatLady]

Aww, Mary. You took a little backward step, hon. That's all it was. You're headed forward again, and on the right path. That's what counts, luv. There's never a reason to beat ourselves up for our mistakes. We're only human, after all.