Feeling two-faced

[g-scared]

I have this problem that I often fear the worst. It often saves me from trouble because I spend a lot of time in the developing world, so I am usually the last person to get robbed, or lost, or in a fix because I am able to think ahead and take the appropriate precautions. I feel bad sometimes though because I keep a lot of the anxiety to myself, and when I am actually speaking to the person causing the anxiety, I am super nice to them, when in fact behind their back I am suspicious and end up bad-mouthing them to my friends.

This happens with the cleaning ladies for example, I am generally not trustful of them. Also, I recently put in a cash deposit for an apartment and I was very nervous because I was not sure if the person I was speaking to was actually the landlord. I basically just have trouble trusting strangers and use my friends as a sound board to check my thoughts and feelings. They are usually able to bring me back to reality and get me to stop over-thinking things.

I guess it helps to be outwardly nice though, and if the other person senses some nervousness, usually the reaction is to try to also be nice back and offer reassurance. Even though I have trouble with trust in the beginning, once I get to know someone, then I think you could say I am actually much more faithful than the average person.

I am in a new environment, new job, new everything. So, I guess it will just take a few weeks before I'm comfortable. I wonder if my reactions are ok, or if they could be a bit more constructive? I feel like I am a bit too verbal sometimes with my thoughts. I wonder if they make me come across as being too negative?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

How do other people react to you? At those times when you worry about being too negative or harsh, is there any external evidence that you are being perceived that way? Do others seem taken aback, or shocked, or perplexed, or upset in any way?

 

[g-scared]

For the most part people don't seem shocked, but they kind of laugh and tell me not to worry about it. A couple of people seem perplexed, about one out of five I guess. They tend to be a little high on the anxiety level also. Mostly the peaceful, less stressed out people just calm me down.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That should tell you that you're probably more upset by this than they are and that you are probably worrying about it more than you need to.

 

[g-scared]

Thanks, I feel a little better. I guess I'll see soon enough if everything works out. I think I really just loved the apartment. It has an amazing roof top terrace, and usually whenever I really like something or someone it makes me nervous.