For the better

[Always Changing]

It is so wonderful to hear you so upbeat! ,
You have every right to feel proud of yourself, I know I am proud of you.. :hug: well done on another achievement today with breakfast, you are so right, you could have skipped it but you didn't. . Let us hope that this is the start of a new beginning for you.:2thumbs:

I hope your apt went well for you today with your psychologist.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hmmm how do i feel whas the question i got from my psychologist and although i am proud i don't really know what emotion i am feeling. I guess i feel lost i went from believing i was nothing but an eating disorder to being something completly different i feel exposed in some way because i have nothing hiding who i am and yet i have no clue who that really is. I am okay i guess i am not depressed or anything i just don't know who i am and that is kind of scary! my roomates are great with me right now everyone is they are watching me making sure i am okay all the time but what happens when that goes and i am all alone again i am a bit nervous i dont know where to go from here i don't want them to back off yet i don't want them to be too close cause i wont know how to fall and get back up on my own...

 

[Always Changing]

but what happens when that goes and i am all alone again i am a bit nervous i dont know where to go from here i don't want them to back off yet i don't want them to be too close cause i wont know how to fall and get back up on my own...

How about while your room mates are looking out for you, you come together and draw up a plan of action for you for when you are on your own? maybe a list of what is working now, maybe their phone numbers? maybe a what if list and the answers to same. something along those lines maybe will help when you need a little extra support.

Right now I think leaning on your friends and room mates and this forum while you build yourself up in strength, both physically and mentally, is the thing to do.
One step at the time Ashely, maybe just work on the here and now, and in time when you feel you are able to try standing on your own (so to speak) let them know you would like to try. See how you get on then.

take care.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Yeah i get the whole leaning on them in every sense of the term seeings how right now that is basically what i am doing both mentally and physically. One of my roommates even made a plan with me of a one skipped meal plan, unless i am really sick witch lately i have been. I always have to try and eat one meal, and even if i am sick ( which has nothing to do with being bulimic) at least i try to eat. If i skip more than one meal we go back to thinking hospital or other options like places i can stay and be with a counselor 24 hours a day (which i found out exist because my roommate has spent the last weeks looking into these things) . I guess i am just scared that i will fall back again! i know the chances of me relapsing are pretty good and that just because i fall back once doesn't mean it is for sure , but i am scared its something i don't want to go back to! hopefully my fears will help me fight it

 

[HBas]

Hey AK,

Sorry to hear that you are sick and I really hope that you will get better soon! Your roommate sounds awesome, I am glad you have someone close that understands and tries to help!

Please take care of you! :support:

HB

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i know! i am blessed to live with these guys.they are really great one of them is going to go do his groceries with me today! talk about help! i hate groceri shopping mostly because there is soo much food and our grocery stroe is really great and all but cluttered everywere so it is a bit scarry for someone with a food obsession. Well i am off to the hospital this morning for my first pre-op appointment i am sort of getting nervous but for the stupidest things like being on the operating table therefore being the center of attention.. and then after being mean with everyone once the meds stars to stop working after the anestetic stops. but it will be fine i think.. thanks to all for your support

 

[Always Changing]

Good luck with your appointment Ashley,
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hi, well i got operated on yesterday morning and was released into my brothers hands the same day at 14h basically as soon as i woke up and was able to move around a bit. I am a bit of a mess right now and basically i cant do much. I wanted to tell you all thanks for your support though finally the appointment went okay but they felt it more safe to keep me in the hospital over night to operate first thing in the morning. chow for now

 

[Jazzey]

i'm happy the surgery went well Ashley. Take good care of yourself

 

[Always Changing]

Wow Great news!!! I am delighted to hear you have the operation over you so quickly Ashley,:2thumbs:

Time to rest up now and take it easy. I hope you can be nice to yourself and let others take care of you for a short while as you recuperate.

Look after yourself and let us know how you are getting on when you are up to it. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Ashley-Kate I am glad to hear your operation went well. Rest is what you need now Take care and let others look after you for awhile okay best wishes always

 

[HBas]

Hey AK,

Hope you are doing better with every second that passes and that your road to recovery will be a smooth one!

Take care of you, thank you for keeping us up to date with the progress and please don't stop! :thankyou2:

Thinking of you!
:support:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i guess it was too be expected after having been forced to stay calm for a week and being hospitalised twice for complications of the surgery, when i started to feel better i went back to the bulimia having felt out of control of my own body for too long.
I am trying to keep it under control because i am only two weeks out of surgery i don'T think these behaviors are recommended but it is hard i try to tell myself it is for my health but still very hard!i feel pathetic because i am literaly throughing my life away for an eating disorder i donT know how to stop

 

[Always Changing]

like places i can stay and be with a counselor 24 hours a day (which i found out exist because my roommate has spent the last weeks looking into these things)

can you ring for an apt with your counsellor or maybe the option above is still available?
Are you back in your own apartment? can you call on your friends for support like you had prior to your operation? I am sorry you are finding it so difficult right now and would urge you use whatever supports you have to help you through this difficult time, including your G.P, therapist, flatmates, friends and of course us here on the forum.

Keep talking and trying Ashely,
I hope you can feel better soon. :hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

right now i am still at my moms so the options are limited i no longer see my therapist nor my dr. or anyone for that matter i start work tomorrow at my old job i had here i have an appointment in 2 weeks with my dr and surgeon from the operation but will probably not see a therapist before the 10th of august! i am sooo tired of being this way.

 

[forgetmenot]

Sorry your struggling Ashley-Kate but glad to hear your back with your mother for support. Hopefully once you get back to work this will help to keep your mind busy.
Try to just take each day as it is given toyou and do your best thats all you can. You are strong and i hope you continue to lean on your supports you have there take care always nice to see you here on the forum.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Well i am off to work thank you al for your encouragement. today should be an easy day i have only 4 hours of work today and tomorrow and then i get full shifts again my boss wants to start me slow just to make sure i am up for it seeings how it has only been a week since my last hospital stay do to the surgery. so far my day went well and tonight i am going to see fireworks with my familly and i will see my grand parents and aunts uncles and cousins, one day at a time!

 

[Always Changing]

Have a good day at work Ashley, and enjoy the evening of fireworks.!! sounds like a great night ahead.

 

[HBas]

Hey AK,

Hope all is well with you, keep your head up girl - I hope you find new ways to keep yourself busy with positive stuff today, that may help to keep the deamons out!

Thinking of you and hope that your recovery will go well! :2thumbs:

HB