More threads by marieduard


i'm new around here. i just need to talk, and there's no one to listen. i'm 22 years old and i don't have many friends, that is.. i have lots of colleagues, i'm very approachable and all that.. but it tends to be hard to gain my real friendship, to establish a true relationship in which i open myself to the other person and actually talk about me. in fact, this has only happend twice in my whole life (talking about friends-only here.. boyfriend apart).

i have this friend now, who i really like.. i try to reach him and i tell him much about me. we've been schoolmates for many years and still i feel i'm quite nothing to him. he is so special to me, in an emotional way.. he is dear to me and yet i feel i'm indifferent to him. if i was gone, i dont think he'd mind at all. he never tells me anything about him, and when i say what he means to me.. he never says it back. sometimes he says not so good things, but i guess he's just teasing me, although sometimes it hurts me. i think people shouldn't have to say how they feel. the other should already know. however, from time to time.. i believe it's best just to make sure. now i made a bad choice. we are going to work and i will be faraway from him, and i feel incredibly sad about it. i could have chosen differently and we would be together. this way, i dont think he will ever look for me or ask for us to meet, or wait for me.. we will be faraway and my heart cries for that.. and because my best friend who i trully adore doesn't care at all... i think i'm stupid for feeling like this, i think i'm stupid for writing it.. a persons feellings can't be changed, so i can't make him love me either.. i can't make him care about me.. i can't turn my self into the best friend he ever had.. i can't make him let me know him.. i just can't. i just can't.

sorry for such a long post.. hope you dont have the patience to read it, i now i wouldnt
It would be best to just look into yourself and decide if it's worth it. When I first join about a week ago I was feeling really bad because these people I met. I really wanted to be friends. I took all their abuse they threw at me and I decided to post here. After a week I decided that enough was enough. I renounce them. I feel better knowing they won't ever pick on me again. No matter how much I wanted to be their friends they would never treat me any better. I try to change myself for them. That's something I can't do. Trying to be their friends. It turns that the only reason they gave me chances to be their friends just so they could hurt me and dash my feelings on the floor. I should have done that a long time because I'm not a jerk. Now someone calls me a jerk I won't give another look.
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