David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
From Single to Hitched: Tips to help make the adjustment to the marriage
by Jennine Estes
Remember the days when you were free to spend your money and time in whatever way you wanted. You could buy as many shoes, purses, or outfits without having to check in with anyone. You could go out all hours of the night, be spontaneous, and hang out with your friends any day of the week. Those were the days where freedom was your choice and your time frame fit your life style….no one elses. Single days allowed you to make single decisions.
Things have drastically changed….from single to hitched. Life now requires a huge adjustment for the independent lady. Choices are now made as a team.
Being hitched can be satisfying and comforting. Great to have a partner, but a new requirement to make a mental shift, a life style change, and a different type of independence. The adjustment from total “I” thinking… “What do I want to do, where do I want to go, what do I need in my day, and how do I want to spend my money?” To a relationship with “we” thinking… “What do we want for dinner, how are we going to spend our money, how do we want to decorate.” Does this sound familiar?
Hold tight…the adjustment might take time. Life used to be all about you…and with little compromise. Now, a new world of compromise has entered. With a little work, however, you can have your cake and eat it too.
Here are a few tips that can help you adjust to the couple-hood lifestyle:
by Jennine Estes
Remember the days when you were free to spend your money and time in whatever way you wanted. You could buy as many shoes, purses, or outfits without having to check in with anyone. You could go out all hours of the night, be spontaneous, and hang out with your friends any day of the week. Those were the days where freedom was your choice and your time frame fit your life style….no one elses. Single days allowed you to make single decisions.
Things have drastically changed….from single to hitched. Life now requires a huge adjustment for the independent lady. Choices are now made as a team.
Being hitched can be satisfying and comforting. Great to have a partner, but a new requirement to make a mental shift, a life style change, and a different type of independence. The adjustment from total “I” thinking… “What do I want to do, where do I want to go, what do I need in my day, and how do I want to spend my money?” To a relationship with “we” thinking… “What do we want for dinner, how are we going to spend our money, how do we want to decorate.” Does this sound familiar?
Hold tight…the adjustment might take time. Life used to be all about you…and with little compromise. Now, a new world of compromise has entered. With a little work, however, you can have your cake and eat it too.
Here are a few tips that can help you adjust to the couple-hood lifestyle:
- Learn how to compromise. Determine what is important to you and what isn’t. Find a middle ground. Not everything needs to be your way. Pick and choose what matters and find a happy medium. If you like things one way, evaluate and see if it is a “must have” or simply a “would like.” Pick your battles.
- Find a balance. Find a balance in social life and partner life. It is ok to have “fun” time alone with your friends, but remember to have “fun” time with your partner as well.
- Work as a Team. When times get rough open up a dialogue with your partner and problem solve as a team, instead of waiting and butting heads when it becomes a bigger issue.
- Talk, talk, talk. Don’t forget to talk with your partner on his expectations and his needs. Also be sure to communicate your needs and desires.
- Create a strategy plan with finances. If you are used to specific spending habit, discuss your expectations, needs, and wants; then create a budget where you both feel on the same page. Finances don’t have to end in war.
- Shift your thoughts. Create a new habit of “we” thinking and schedule in the “we” times and the “me” times. Take a look….which one out weighs the other? If you are noticing that “me” times are more often than “we” times, it might be time to readjust your schedule. The “we” times are significant for connecting in the relationship, however, “me” times are also important.
- Work with your schedule. Make lunch dates with your friends so you can continue to be social, yet have time for your relationship still at night. Marriage is not independence, but it also shouldn’t be a jail. Shift your priority and keep your marriage first, friendships and work second (yet still a priority!).
- Set boundaries with the “work you.” You may work to make money and succeed, but it might feel to your partner as if you don’t care. Actions speak louder than words. Show your partner with action and spend time with them. Set boundaries with work. Show partner he is first, while you also have work priorities that need to be included.
