Funny Facebook Updates

[David Baxter PhD]

Today, my niece's Facebook update reads:

Inside this body is a skinny chick trying to get out..but that's okay..I can usually shut the bitch up with chocolate!!..Or Mint Chocolate Girl Guide cookies!! {Her daughter} has lots of boxes to sell..$4 ea.​

And another one from the same niece from a while back:

{niece} would like to publicly apologize to you if your child has ever become ill after being in or the near the vicinity of my children when they may or may not have been carrying any or all viruses... because apparently I just LOVE to pass them along... and I am apparently the only one in all the world that does this... according to some people... who may or may not be talking out their a$$.​

 

[David Baxter PhD]

From a nephew back in late June:

{nephew} IS USING ALL CAPS IN MEMORY OF BILLY MAYS.​

 

[Jazzey]

I can usually shut the "skinny bitch" up with chocolate too - totally relate.

 

[NicNak]

One of my friends is one of the most witty and quietly brilliant people I know. Here are some of his recent status', well for this week at least.

I removed his name for privacy.

• 
  

  [*]Why does it feel so wrong to open a packet of chips at the bottom?
  
  
  [*]If you think about it, the term "sh!ts and giggles" is quite disconcerting.
  
  
  [*]Hey girls, Where do all your hair ties and bobby pins go? It seems like buying one 100-pack should pretty much set you up for life...
  
  
  [*]Whoever said that the best things in life are free owes me a free jetpack.
  
  
  [*]When I was your age.. I would start 30 songs downloading before I went to sleep and be lucky if 3 of them actually finished in the morning..

 

[NicNak]

Here is mine for today. Since the hockey season started today.

has a confession to make to the Leafs. *sniff* I, well I, have been having an affair with the Penguins the past six years *sniff* Still not sure I can be totally faithful to the Leafs, but relationships are all about compromise right?.....Right?

I am expecting a fair bit of backlash from my Leaf fan friends

 

[Eye Stigmata]

:rofl:

 

[Banned]

I've been trying to stay off facebook, and therefore haven't done many status updates, but I changed mine this morning to say:

Turtle is wondering when Brody's love affair with black licorice began.

(Brody is the dog.) I can't have any kind of black licorice in the house without her coming over to me and drooling and snorting until I share. The other day I left a full bag on my bed while I watched TV and came back and she had eaten the entire thing!!

I'm trying to eat Goodies right now and here she is, snorting, blowing bubbles out her mouth, and grunting, wanting some. She is weird. (And yes, I do end up sharing )

 

[Into The Light]

she ate a whole bag? did she get sick after or were you spared having to do a cleanup

 

[Banned]

I was prepared for her to get sick, but she didn't. She was totally fine. I'm pretty sure she's a walking garbage pit.

 

[Into The Light]

just had a thought, if you had to do a clean-up, that probably would have been your facebook update (call me sherlock)

 

[Banned]

Well actually, it wouldn't have been me that cleaned up, it would have been my mom since she's home during the day and I'm not. If she had gotten sick, I likely would have written something like:

Turtle is hoping that Brody will stay away from the black licorice, given the fact that it made her violently ill. I doubt she'll learn her lesson though.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

[sign]Threadjackers![/sign] :rtfm:

 

[Into The Light]

but turtle posted what her funny facebook status update would have been. i think it's legit

 

[David Baxter PhD]

On topic: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/148817-post7.html

fftopic:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/148818-post8.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/148819-post9.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/148820-post10.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/148821-post11.html

Post #8 et ss. hijacked the thread to dogs again. :smack:

 

[Banned]

Well, I resent the use of the word "again" which implies a previous hijacking of threads to dogs. I assure you that any time the dogs are brought into a thread, it is strictly for enhancing the purpose of the thread and contributing to the knowledge and overall wellbeing of the members of this site.

Second, er, I want a lawyer.

 

[Into The Light]

is there a lawyer in the room for turtle? (i would be yours except i don't have a law degree )

 

[Banned]

I just re-read this thread. I don't actually think I need a lawyer, cause, well I was posting about facebook status updates.

I think Dr. Baxter might need one though :teehee:

 

[Into The Light]

well in that case.. i don't think i need to lend my services!

 

[Banned]

My current facebook status:

Turtle is responding to ITL and letting her know that she has to respond to this thread in the form of a status update, or she'll be on his off-topic hit list too.

 

[Into The Light]

my fictional facebook status update:

dr. baxter needs a lawyer for alleged off-topic behaviours he claims to be seeing. anyone know of a lousy one?