Hello,
I am new to this site and glad to have found it as a resource.
I am in my early thirties, moderately successful, happily married and pretty well adjusted. I am fairly healthy, have never been on medication for any kind of mood disorder but I had a very disturbing experience last night that has lead me to question my mental health.
The short version of this story is that I totally flipped out and smashed a plate (I slammed it on the corner of the table) breaking it into dangerous shards and thereby cutting my thumb badly enough to land me in the emergency room. I had to get three stitches.
The longer version of the story is that lately I have been losing my temper in a totally uncharacteristic and frightening way. My husband and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary next month. We generally get along very well. We rarely argue, but when we do we always resovle it by communicating (even if it takes all night). However, in the last few weeks I have noticed that my temper is very short fused over the most ridiculous things. For example: (and this actually happened) I could not find the peanut butter and after asking my husband three times where he put it and receiving no response (he later said he did not hear me) I started slamming cupboards around and throwing a mini-tantrum.
This last episode was pretty much the same thing. I grew frustrated about my husband's seeming lack of interest in what I was saying and all of a sudden, it was as if something snapped. I lost control of myself (or that is how it seemed) and I violently threw down the plate I was holding, screamed at him about ignoring me and stormed off crying. I did not even realize that I had cut myself and was badly bleeding.
My husband helped me to bandage the wound and took me to the emergency room. I was beside myself. Frightened, angry, sad, guilty. I am, quite consistently, mild-mannered, kind, non-confrontational and definitely non-violent so this violent explosion was very shocking to both my husband and I. He was much more understanding about it than I was. I kept apologizing. I could find no reason, no excuse to justify what I had done.
I recall throwing temper tantrums very rarely as an adolescent. Though these did not cause bodily harm to myself or anyone else they were just as explosive and irrational as what happened last night. My mother, who, like me, could be described as mild-mannered, sweet and loving, is also prone to outbursts of seemingly irrational anger. She often threw what, for lack of a better phrase, seemed like temper tantrums. When they were over she was apologetic, remorseful and of course, very calm. Being newly married I could see clear parallels between my mother's behavior and mine.
I am still, the day after, terrified by what I did and with a throbbing cut on my hand to remind me. My husband has been very good about it, though, admittedly it scared him as well. I am having a hard time figuring out why I lost it the way I did. What I experienced felt like a Jekyl and Hyde switch. I went from being annoyed, though rational, to full-blown rage. I would be interested to know if this is indicative of passive-aggression. My sisters and I often thought our mother exhibited some passive aggressive characteristics. After last night's events coupled with little outbursts in the last few weeks I am worried I might be following in her footsteps.
I would appreciate any advice or insight into this kind of behavior.
Thanks in advance.
I am new to this site and glad to have found it as a resource.
I am in my early thirties, moderately successful, happily married and pretty well adjusted. I am fairly healthy, have never been on medication for any kind of mood disorder but I had a very disturbing experience last night that has lead me to question my mental health.
The short version of this story is that I totally flipped out and smashed a plate (I slammed it on the corner of the table) breaking it into dangerous shards and thereby cutting my thumb badly enough to land me in the emergency room. I had to get three stitches.
The longer version of the story is that lately I have been losing my temper in a totally uncharacteristic and frightening way. My husband and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary next month. We generally get along very well. We rarely argue, but when we do we always resovle it by communicating (even if it takes all night). However, in the last few weeks I have noticed that my temper is very short fused over the most ridiculous things. For example: (and this actually happened) I could not find the peanut butter and after asking my husband three times where he put it and receiving no response (he later said he did not hear me) I started slamming cupboards around and throwing a mini-tantrum.
This last episode was pretty much the same thing. I grew frustrated about my husband's seeming lack of interest in what I was saying and all of a sudden, it was as if something snapped. I lost control of myself (or that is how it seemed) and I violently threw down the plate I was holding, screamed at him about ignoring me and stormed off crying. I did not even realize that I had cut myself and was badly bleeding.
My husband helped me to bandage the wound and took me to the emergency room. I was beside myself. Frightened, angry, sad, guilty. I am, quite consistently, mild-mannered, kind, non-confrontational and definitely non-violent so this violent explosion was very shocking to both my husband and I. He was much more understanding about it than I was. I kept apologizing. I could find no reason, no excuse to justify what I had done.
I recall throwing temper tantrums very rarely as an adolescent. Though these did not cause bodily harm to myself or anyone else they were just as explosive and irrational as what happened last night. My mother, who, like me, could be described as mild-mannered, sweet and loving, is also prone to outbursts of seemingly irrational anger. She often threw what, for lack of a better phrase, seemed like temper tantrums. When they were over she was apologetic, remorseful and of course, very calm. Being newly married I could see clear parallels between my mother's behavior and mine.
I am still, the day after, terrified by what I did and with a throbbing cut on my hand to remind me. My husband has been very good about it, though, admittedly it scared him as well. I am having a hard time figuring out why I lost it the way I did. What I experienced felt like a Jekyl and Hyde switch. I went from being annoyed, though rational, to full-blown rage. I would be interested to know if this is indicative of passive-aggression. My sisters and I often thought our mother exhibited some passive aggressive characteristics. After last night's events coupled with little outbursts in the last few weeks I am worried I might be following in her footsteps.
I would appreciate any advice or insight into this kind of behavior.
Thanks in advance.
] You might also have a look at Harriet G. Lerner, 
