David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Grief is a Kite
by Dr. Lisa Holland
Jan 3, 2011
Grief is the universal emotion. Every one of us will grieve something or someone at some point in our lives. Our charge is not to hide from grief, but to feel it.
I know it?s an overwhelming emotion. I think this is because we fear that we may never return to our lives if we let ourselves truly ?go there.?
The thing is?if we don?t, we really are not living.
My daddy died in October of 2003. That night he had campaigned after deciding to run for another term in the state senate. He walked in the house saying that he ?didn?t feel right? and went to bed shivering and sweating. My mother left to make him some hot tea and when she returned his heart had stopped although his pacemaker was still working.
I got the call in the middle of the night. Now I know what shock is. It?s like slipping out of your mind and into suspension ? a place where you are alive, but don?t know that you are.
For a long time my sadness felt like a 100 pound lead apron on my chest. I dragged through each day trying to fool myself into thinking that he hadn?t died. Then on a rainy Sunday afternoon, I broke apart.
For my entire life I felt as though I was a colorful kite; dipping and soaring in the cloudy blue sky while my father stood on the ground holding the other end of the rope, encouraging me to soar higher.
The afternoon I broke apart, when I let myself truly grieve his death, I could swear I felt the snip of the rope that had connected him to me.
I saw myself standing on the ground, weeping and holding the puddle of lifeless rope in my hands. Somehow we had changed places and I watched him soar and dip up into the clouds.
For a split second I was filled with panic and fury ? I thought, if I hadn?t let myself go there I wouldn?t have had this sensation and it wouldn?t feel real.
But the panic passed and then it occurred to me that I had completed the first step of my grieving task which was to let myself feel the pain of his death. I knew I had to keep pushing forward and continue grounding myself without him to counsel me.
Although I think about my father every day, the pain has softened. Now I think about how grateful I am that he was the father that was given to me. He?s taught me so much about how to live.
Death is sad, but in order to live with the loss you have to first live with the reality.
Daddy?s grave-site is a marker in life, but I know where he is.
by Dr. Lisa Holland
Jan 3, 2011
Grief is the universal emotion. Every one of us will grieve something or someone at some point in our lives. Our charge is not to hide from grief, but to feel it.
I know it?s an overwhelming emotion. I think this is because we fear that we may never return to our lives if we let ourselves truly ?go there.?
The thing is?if we don?t, we really are not living.
My daddy died in October of 2003. That night he had campaigned after deciding to run for another term in the state senate. He walked in the house saying that he ?didn?t feel right? and went to bed shivering and sweating. My mother left to make him some hot tea and when she returned his heart had stopped although his pacemaker was still working.
I got the call in the middle of the night. Now I know what shock is. It?s like slipping out of your mind and into suspension ? a place where you are alive, but don?t know that you are.
For a long time my sadness felt like a 100 pound lead apron on my chest. I dragged through each day trying to fool myself into thinking that he hadn?t died. Then on a rainy Sunday afternoon, I broke apart.
For my entire life I felt as though I was a colorful kite; dipping and soaring in the cloudy blue sky while my father stood on the ground holding the other end of the rope, encouraging me to soar higher.
The afternoon I broke apart, when I let myself truly grieve his death, I could swear I felt the snip of the rope that had connected him to me.
I saw myself standing on the ground, weeping and holding the puddle of lifeless rope in my hands. Somehow we had changed places and I watched him soar and dip up into the clouds.
For a split second I was filled with panic and fury ? I thought, if I hadn?t let myself go there I wouldn?t have had this sensation and it wouldn?t feel real.
But the panic passed and then it occurred to me that I had completed the first step of my grieving task which was to let myself feel the pain of his death. I knew I had to keep pushing forward and continue grounding myself without him to counsel me.
Although I think about my father every day, the pain has softened. Now I think about how grateful I am that he was the father that was given to me. He?s taught me so much about how to live.
Death is sad, but in order to live with the loss you have to first live with the reality.
Daddy?s grave-site is a marker in life, but I know where he is.
