Guilt

[forgetmenot]

How does one let go of this emotion. guilt for things one should have done
guilt for things that were done to others in the mist of fear and pain. Coping with the guilt :sorry:

 

[Jazzey]

It can be hard Mary. That's a battle I take on quite frequently myself.

I found this article about releasing the guilt. (ignore the self-promotion in the article itself) I think that article gives you the foundational premises of letting go of the guilt.:

Forgiveness - Releasing Guilt

For now, whenever I slip back into that mode, I realize that it's not helping me. Guilt keeps you in old, negative patterns - it keeps you in the past. So when I start to feel guilty about a specific issue, I'll tell myself that I can only do what I can do in the "now". And then I go and do something that makes me happy - right now. It keeps me moving forward Mary. I don't know if this makes sense to you - but the goal is to not keep latching on to those old patterns of ours....Where we are today, as the article suggests, is a result of our life experiences and patterns. So maybe we learn from them and make sure we don't fall into the old patterns again.

 

[Budoaiki]

Mary,

The first thing I would suggest is to try and understand why it happened and why you feel guilty.

I believe that sometimes when we reach our threshold for stress we go on the defensive because ordinary stresses can become much harder to cope with when we're already at our limit.

I think we sometimes say or do things to protect ourselves without really understanding the consequences beyond the moment. I also think it's because most of our energy is focused on the stress that brought us to that point as well as trying to avoid any new burdens.

I think that feeling guilty is an acknowledgment of the fact that it wasn't interntional and how much you care about that person.

The best way that I have found to deal with that kind of guilt is to make an apology. Offer an explanation of how it made you feel and how much you care for them then tell them what you feel you should have done and why.

 

[forgetmenot]

Maybe we learn from them and don't make the same mistakes these words i understand. I don't yell anymore and i try to be more of a listener. I see. The guilt comes from what i should have done mostly and i am trying to do that now. I am trying to help them now. thank Jazzey i will to stay in the present now so i can think clearer and be able to help them more. I can't undo everything but i can try to help the rest thanks mary

 

[Yuray]

Mary, that is the most coherent, well thought out question, without complications, that you have ever asked. There is no confusion with multiple parts to it. Plain and simple. To the point, and requiring no sympathies, and asked with no complaining!

As you see, the responses to your question are of the same nature. Good stuff Mary, and, a big 'good morning' to you too!:support:

 

[Jazzey]

Precisely. Not only can't we change the past, but in order to be able to move forward, we need to try and forgive ourselves for whatever mistakes we think we've made. I liked your answer Mary - you're learning from those patterns and changing them now...

 

[forgetmenot]

Thanks Budoaiki that i have done. I have said sorry to the ones here and have left me. I see mostly i didn't have the courage or strength but i have more now i think. thanks for response mary

 

[Jazzey]

Yes Mary, you are definitely stronger than you give yourself credit sometimes.

 

[Budoaiki]

In that moment you might not have had the strength but I doubt very much that you lack courage. Mistakes are easy apologizing takes both strength and courage and that you have in droves.

 

[forgetmenot]

Jazzey can we ever truly forgive ourselves or will the guilt stay as a reminder not to screw up again. The guilt and forgiveness seems impossible to ever totally get rid of.