More threads by Mari


Can any one help me out here? This will be my third Christmas without my son and today I was in an absolute panic of fear and tears. I just want to be by myself and just do what I want to do. My friends and family are starting to make requests that in my present state feel like demands. Christmas was always a favourite time of year for my son and I just can not bear thinking about another holiday without him. I know this is a difficult time of year for other people who are missing a loved one but my heart hurts so bad it feels like I will just explode with the pain. I keep thinking about all the things I should be doing with Christmas just three weeks away but I just can not function. :sob: Mari


Mari, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time of year. I too find that I miss my loved one more around this time of year which makes things much harder but with the support of this forum I always make it through. Keep hanging on and you will make it through too.

Take care :heart::heart:
:hug: :hug:


Hello Mari.

It must be just horrible for you to endure this pain. The only thing you *should* do is what you feel like doing. If you don't want to do particular things then don't. It is completely up to you. There is no right or wrong way for you to get through this holiday.

Some of the articles below you may have seen before but it is good to read through them again and pick out the suggestions that work for you and help to make you feel better.

My son attempted suicide once and I consider us to be lucky that he is with us today. It really was only luck.

My heart goes out to you!

Suicide Survivors: How to Cope with Holidays,
Birthdays, and Anniversaries

Coping with Suicide Loss: Handling The Holidays

Do what you think will be comfortable for you. Remember, you can always choose to do things differently next time.
  • Think about your family's holiday traditions. Consider whether you want to continue them or create some new ones.
  • Remember that family members may feel differently about continuing to do things the way they've been done in the past. Try to talk openly with each other about your expectations.
  • Consider whether you want to be with your family and friends for the holiday, or whether it would be more healing for you to be by yourself or go away (this year).
  • Keep in mind that sometimes the anticipation of an event can be more difficult than the event itself.
  • If you find it comforting to talk about your loved one, let your family and friends know that; tell them not to be afraid to mention your loved one's name.
  • Some survivors find it comforting to acknowledge the birthday of their loved ones by gathering with his/her friends and family; others prefer to spend it privately.
  • Some survivors have found the following ritual helpful for a variety of occasions:
  • Light two candles, and then blow one out. Explain that the extinguished candle represents those we've lost, while the one that continues to burn represents those of us who go on despite our loss and pain.
  • Simply leave the one candle burning (you can put it off to one side) for the duration of the holiday meal or event. The glowing flame acts as a quiet reminder of those who are missing.
  • Above all, bear in mind that there is no "right" way to handle holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. You and your family may decide to try several different approaches before finding one that feels best for you.

:heart: :hug: :heart:


Thank-you for the kind words and thank-you for the posting HeartArt. I know all that and I have all the pamphlets and information but it is a good reminder to re-focus. One of my greatest challenges is dealing with my anger toward a family here that directly contributed to my son's death. The following quote from an article I read today helped calm my feelings of terror a bit. :heart: Mari

If any of 10 different things hadn't happened that day he drowned, he'd be alive now. There is a combination of things happening all the time" Don Harvey
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