Having the urge to cut

[Diana]

I don't SI. But, back in high school I used to have this very strange urge to go alone in my room and cut my arm with something sharp. It's strange. I never caused any damage. I couldn't get any further than scratching myself, but I kind of wanted to. I had never heard of SI or cutting. It's just really strange. One night, not long ago, I had another urge. this hasn't happened in I don't know, ten years? Again, I tried to scratch myself, but could never get further than that. This is an extremely rare occurence for me now. I can't imagine myself ever being able to really cut myself. I don't think I need to seek help for it, but I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and became a self injurer, or never became one.

 

[Eunoia]

I remember when I 1st started si... I had no concept of what si was, kind of like when the ed started... but this is a good question: why do people start doing these things if they don't even know what it is that they're doing???? does it just come down to hating your body? or having so many emotions that you can't deal w/ that this is the next logical step...but it's not logical so how do people "think" of this...???? I don't know. It wasn't until later that I found out what si is and that other people do it too... maybe it was one of those "in the moment" things... feeling so overwhelmed w/ things and having something on hand and just trying to stop those feelings or have feelings in the 1st place....??? both of the times you described, was there a particular trigger that you can remember? I guess on some level many people si... or are close to doing so, but there'll always be people who just can't cut or otherwise si, as there's people who can never purge or starve... there's just something holding them back, mentally or physically being unable to do it... that's a really good thing!

as you said, I don't think you need therapy for "this" per say but I think that you have a lot of other stuff going on (ed wise) which may explain some of these recent feelings.... and the more you do something the more you can get "used to it" so to say but you don't want to go down this road. I'd say it's a sign of a lot of pressure right now, maybe feeling overwhelmed or just confused... whichever way it's a sign of something.

 

[AMT]

When i got these urges at the beginning, i did more or less the same, and just scratched, but then it got worse and worse until i drew blood alot and now i can't stop, thhough i suppose there wasn't really any barriers holding me back... and i agree with eunoia, its a good thing to not be able to do it.