Having to face life after unsuccessful suicide attempt

[Desiree]

I have been away for many months now. I have been in a detox facility and have come clean. I am off the coke, the dope and the diet pills. I have still had times of being extremely "down" and suicidal but have managed to avoid taking any drastic steps to end my life.
I think I mentioned before that I have multiple sclerosis and I have been having a tough time with mobility which has made my "down" periods a bit tougher to deal with. I am starting on interferons which will hopefully prevent me from having to have high doses of cortisone every three months which affects me quite badly.
I have picked up weight from all the cortisone which freaks me out as I have a distorted body image and am paranoid about weight so, it is taking it's toll on me mentally. I have been told that I am malnourished according to my blood results but, this does not stop me from wanting to starve myself to lose the weight I have picked up...... I am wondering whether body image problems ever just get resolved or is it something I will continue to let influence me for the rest of my life?
Desiree

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Everybody is different, but I do feel that changes in the way we think about things are possible. They just take time. Have you spoken about your concerns about your weight gain with your therapist?

 

[ThatLady]

It took a lot of courage to do what you've done, Desiree. Kicking habits like the ones you describe isn't easy. Kudos to you!

Body image conflicts can be dealt with through therapy. Your therapist can help you to see yourself through realistic eyes, instead of imposing impossible restraints upon yourself in order to reach some "goal" that isn't, perhaps, what's right for you as an individual.

 

[Desiree]

Thanks for the kind words I do appreciate that I have come a long way and in a way it does feel good to be clean although at times I do still so badly want to just escape from everything and get back into my world of being under the influence and ultimately not having to really think or feel very much. I do realise that at times the temptation will be strong and I just have to find a way to prevent myself from letting it get the better of me.
I was very tempted to start taking the diet pills again to help me lost the weight I have picked up from the cortisone. Instead I have just cut down my food even more and it does seem to be working a bit. I am losing weight again so, the cortisone is obviously starting to work out of my system. I have not discussed my weight with my therapist as she has tried very hard to get me to change my perception of my body and it has not worked as yet. I know she is already concerned about my malnutrition and I think I am just too scared to tell her that I am causing myself even more problems with regard to the malnutrition with the amount I am eating..... I only eat salad, which consists of lettuce, tomato, onion and a little chicken which I usually try not to eat but have to add it to my salad to keep my partner happy.
Is there any way I can change my body image without having to tell my therapist about how I am feeling?
Desiree

 

[Halo]

Desiree

I definitely can't answer your question (being that I am in the same boat minus telling my therapist how I feel) but I will be interested to hear other peoples responses to your question about changing body image.

 

[ThatLady]

You're going to need your therapist's help to deal with the issues of body image, Desiree. It's really not something one can do on one's own when it's come down to the point that you're actually starving yourself to maintain (or achieve) an unrealistic weight. You have to keep your body healthy; otherwise, you're asking for all kinds of grief down the road.

The best thing to do is to discuss it with your therapist honestly. Just tell her the truth of how you're feeling, including your fears with regard to discussing it with her. If you lay it all out there, she can better work with you to figure out a way to overcome the problems you're having. :hug: