Hello everyone....
I question who I am everyday as I never know what the day is going to hold for me. I am a mother of two beautiful little people who are quite busy.
They say that everyone has skeletons in their closet, I am amongst them. I come from a family where my father was/is a weekend alcoholic. He would not drink during the week and held down a full time job and retired recently. I had the hardest time leaving home because I was always there to protect my mother. He would be verbally abusive and sometimes physical (more from putting me in my room). I find it so hard to show emotion because living at home, it was not something I readily did. Out of all my siblings I was the one who stood up to him, to this day I still do. It has affected me to the point where I do not drink because I do not want to be anything like him. Nor do I like being around people who have. It is so funny because when I was younger I was such a wall flower. Knew many people but was always the person in the corner who did not say much or people thought I was shy.
Where does that bring me, to present day. I married a man who was not an alcoholic, but has tried to commit suicide. If it were not for someone finding him he would not be here. He thinks about it on occasion, I mean the suicide part when he becomes depressed. The said part is, he is quite intelligent. He has taken courses on suicide prevention to aid others and knew exactly what to say to the doctors to assure them he was fine. Not to mention he will not take medication for the depression because he does not like the way it makes him feel nor does he want to become addicted like his sister is. Then I wonder as my children going to be okay, not that he would harm them, but will they inherit this depression. I guess only time will tell that one.
It is easy to suggest that I talk to someone about him, but I think it important that they want to help themselves as well. My father will never change. For my own sanity it helps me to talk about it, that is my medicine.
That is who I am. I have issues like many other people, but in many ways I refuse to be a statistic and in others I am.
I question who I am everyday as I never know what the day is going to hold for me. I am a mother of two beautiful little people who are quite busy.
They say that everyone has skeletons in their closet, I am amongst them. I come from a family where my father was/is a weekend alcoholic. He would not drink during the week and held down a full time job and retired recently. I had the hardest time leaving home because I was always there to protect my mother. He would be verbally abusive and sometimes physical (more from putting me in my room). I find it so hard to show emotion because living at home, it was not something I readily did. Out of all my siblings I was the one who stood up to him, to this day I still do. It has affected me to the point where I do not drink because I do not want to be anything like him. Nor do I like being around people who have. It is so funny because when I was younger I was such a wall flower. Knew many people but was always the person in the corner who did not say much or people thought I was shy.
Where does that bring me, to present day. I married a man who was not an alcoholic, but has tried to commit suicide. If it were not for someone finding him he would not be here. He thinks about it on occasion, I mean the suicide part when he becomes depressed. The said part is, he is quite intelligent. He has taken courses on suicide prevention to aid others and knew exactly what to say to the doctors to assure them he was fine. Not to mention he will not take medication for the depression because he does not like the way it makes him feel nor does he want to become addicted like his sister is. Then I wonder as my children going to be okay, not that he would harm them, but will they inherit this depression. I guess only time will tell that one.
It is easy to suggest that I talk to someone about him, but I think it important that they want to help themselves as well. My father will never change. For my own sanity it helps me to talk about it, that is my medicine.
That is who I am. I have issues like many other people, but in many ways I refuse to be a statistic and in others I am.
)
