Hello

[white page]

Reading your post, the thought came immeadiately into my mind, of how lucky you are to have seen this side of him BEFORE you moved in.

Run as far away from this guy as you can. You owe him nothing, what was the money for. did he lend it to you? If it is a debt, write him a formal letter saying you will pay him a certain sum every month. Make a photo copy and register the letter. If it is an imagined debt then go to the police, as this is extortion.
change your phone number and avoid any contact with him.
He will disappear eventually.

 

[white page]

its not the fact he said he would harm me its the fact he brought my son in to it .

If he harmed you then that would leave your boy an orphan. and that would harm your son in an irreparable way for life.

I know I'm being heavy about this, but there is absoloutly no excuse ever to threaten to kill any one.
Please don't make any excuses for him or any one like him you may meet in the future.

Part of this type of personality is to make you feel responsible for his messes.
Just don't fall for that one. I'm sorry to be so insistant, but personal experience made me learn the hard way. I also was lucky because I left in time, but not soon enough.
I would have loved to have had a forum such as this at the time to confide in, but internet didn't exist then.
Please Sunny protect yourself and your boy.
You must have had an unexpressed doubt about this man, in the first place when you didn't give your home up.

 

[sunny]

no he didnt lend the money to me
he borrowed it from he s parents for stock for he s buisness
and the rent he said i borrowed it has well becouse i was suposse to have been moving in with him

 

[forgetmenot]

You do not owe him anything. Call the police tell them of your fears and do not give this man any money. You need to cut all contact with him and stay safe.

 

[sunny]

he wants me to send him 100? today which i stupidly said ok just so he wouldnt get angry again
iv looked to see if iv got enough money to send him but i havnt iv only got enough money to last untill i get payed next
but yes you are right white page
im starting to realise i made the right decision about moving him with him
especially after what he said . about killing himself and taking me and my son with him

 

[white page]

Is there a citizen advice office you can get to today Sunny?
You need help with this. I would seriously go to the police and tell them the whole story, tell them you promised to give him the money today because you were frightened of him, and that now you are terrified because you can't. please do this Sunny.

This is a way of protecting yourself, his demands are totaly unreasonable and criminal, you are a single parent with a son to feed. He can wait for the money your son can't wait to be fed.

 

[Jazzey]

thanks everyone for the advice .
maybe i should have told him sooner that i wanted to see how things went first between us before giving up my house completly.when i moved in . becouse he said thats the reason he s angry with me not letting him know sooner . and now he s indebt.

Hogwash Sunny. This is again emotional manipulation on his part. Don't be a part of it. You have nothing to do with his indebtedness and furthermore, you're absolutely entitled to get out of this relationship whenever YOU feel that it's become toxic for you and your son.

becouse he s parents was lending him he s rent money. and lending him money to buy stock for he s buisness . which i was going to move in and help pay for things has well.but i know i carnt do that now becouse of what he s like when he gets angry .
he says its my fault he s been really angry with me ok fair enough i can understand him being angry i know iv let him down .

Again, this is his doing Sunny. He chose to borrow money from his parents. there are never any guarantees in romantic relationships and you could not have predicted his behaviour - this is all of his doing with his manipulation and anger issues. None of it has to do with you. Again, another manipulation on his part to make you feel guilty. And possibly to exploit you financially - don't fall prey to that.

but after saying he was going to kill himself then take me and my son with him i know i couldnt have a relationship with him again . its not the fact he said he would harm me its the fact he brought my son in to it .
all i can do is send him money wenever i have it to him .

The fact that he was prepared to threaten your well-being is equally as important Sunny. You are supposed to be the woman he loves. He's not entitled to threaten your well-being in that way - ever.

he wants 100? pound today . i know i carnt afford to send him 100?.
but i said ok becouse i didnt want him getting angry with me again .
i think the most i can afford to send to him today is about 30?. to pay towards the debt . which he says is my debt has well.

You owe him nothing. This is all manipulation on his part. And the mere fact that he could place demands of you, of this nature, knowing that you are not in a position to help him is yet another shining example as to why it's imperative that you get away from him as soon as possible..

I view the financial blame that he's putting on you as a means to keep you around a little longer. It's a fancy guilt trip so that you question your decision to leave him. Please, do not fall prey to this manipulation. As others have expressed on this thread, the damage that he could do, to you and your son, is limitless.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

How is it your debt? Did you make the decisions he made or did he?

 

[Andy]

Sunny

Did you sign anything stating that you would commit to paying him? If you did then obviously you are stuck with that but if you didn't, and I am assuming you didn't then his money problems are no longer of any concern to you. Do you think that after you paid him all that money and he for example rented out part of the house, do you think he would give you half of the money he received? Probably not. Plus if your name isn't on anything, it's all on him.

You may feel guilty but that's because that is the way this man has you thinking with his past behaviors of intimidation and mind games. He knows how to play you, otherwise you wouldn't keep being reeled in by his demands etc. Choose not to let him into your head anymore. Maybe he should of thought about his money situation before he decided to treat you and your son that way.
:support:

 

[Jackie]

Hi Ya Sunny and welcome

 

[sunny]

hi shutterd.

---------- Post added at 08:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:28 PM ----------

no i didnt sigh anything about money
even if i did help him with the money he s not going to be happy i told him i would help
but he keeps turning it round to try and see if i say i want to give it another go with him i do love him but i have tried to explain i carnt handle it when he gets angry but it doesnt seem to sink in
he said that no one else loves me like he does. and im the only one he has wanted to be with.

 

[Jazzey]

They all say that Sunny...I've been in those relationships- it starts off with "no one will love you as much as I do", "I know that you love me", but the ending is never quite so gentle.

I appreciate that you love him. And, for this reason, you feel guilty for the financial situation. But, please also recognize that this is precisely what he's using to make you feel badly and manipulate you.

 

[Daniel E.]

he said that no one else loves me like he does. and im the only one he has wanted to be with.

Abusive, manipulative people treat the one's they "love" worse they do strangers because they can't get away with treating strangers that way.

 

[white page]

Hi again Sunny,
I shall be very straightforward with you.
You love a man who threatened to kill you and your son.
What is lovable about that.?
It happened once, it will happen again, maybe when you come home a little later than normal, or when you don't agree with him over what to have for dinner.

If you do go back with him, the message you are giving him is that he can manipulate you, and that it is totally ok to threaten you.

Ultimately what you do with your life is your choice, but if there is the slightest doubt about the safety of your child, then you as the parent are responsible for his safety.
I believe that there have been one or two court cases recently in your country where the step fathers have brutalised their step children, I seem to remember that the mothers were also held legally responsable for letting it happen.

There are many people to love out there, choose one who will be good to your child.

 

[Into The Light]

go to the police. tell them of the threat to your life and your son's life. tell them of the extortion. get this man away from you.

 

[forgetmenot]

His threats are to be taken very seriously here. You need to call police now before his threats become more than that. Please just talk with the police to see what can be done to protect you and your son. Talk with the police regarding his pressure to get money from you. Let the police deal with him and you stop having any contact with him whatsoever.