Help me to form a new self concept/identity

[SadGirl]

Here are some of the not so fabulous things that have happened to me, making me not exactly think I am the greatest.

-- made out with a ton of guys=I'm promiscuous and slutty

-- bad grades=I'm stupid

-- depressed= I'm weird and lazy

-- no friends= I'm unlikable

-- most that know me don't like me= I'm to be hated and avoided

-- social anxiety, shy quiet, awkward

-- jobless, broke

-- unattractive

anyway, how can I take this that is my life and rephrase it or look at it differently to have a more pleasant idea of who I am????

 

[comfortzone]

These are core beliefs about yourself. It involves reprogramming yourself with new beliefs.

For instance:

Made out with a ton of guys = I am learning to have better boundaries and limit my sex activities. (Notice that the words were not critical just functioning more efficiently.

Bad grades = I have so much going on right now that it is difficult to focus on my schoolwork. I am need to get my life in order so that I can proceed with my educational pursuits. (I am not saying this is the actual words you would start using...just an idea).

No friends = I am going to develop new friendships based upon my boundaries. I can be friendly but I need to learn to not give too much of my personal information to quickly. (Again just ideas to consider).

I learned that when a person says a negative comment about themselves...it is usual for the other person to tell them it isn't so...but in doing so just reinforces the person's feelings of incompetence. I think you would benefit from therapy as I believe most people would.

Think about those ideas I stated. If you can, get one of the books on self-esteem as it might be helpful. Used bookstores are likely to have one.

Take care,

 

[SadGirl]

How's this:

I made some mistakes due to youth, low self-esteem and depression. But that is in the past and I love and forgive myself and am an intelligent young woman who is now working her way toward achieving the life she desires.


????

 

[Eunoia]

that sounds like you're on a really great start to look at things in a different light. I think that our past defines us as much- or as little- as our present and our futures, and all those things are evaluations of choices, circmstances, behaviours but as comfortzone said they can also stand for completely different things, depending on how you (choose) to look at them. I know that's a lot to deal w/ or even just process and accept about your life but I was saying in another post, that I really can't think of one person who hasn't had something go "wrong" in their life... and from all your posts you definitely sound like you're trying to understand things and use your potential to go from there to achieve your goals.

 

[comfortzone]

That is super! Now learn to believe it. I know this might sound odd or even weird but write that last sentence on a index card and place it where you will see it regularly. You will be amazed how it works...just takes time.

 

[yellodolphin]

The forming of your sense of self takes alot of time and alot of experiences.

It is the product of alot of self exploration. If you are not yet an older adult you probably dont have a constructive stable sense of your self yet. So dont worry about it all that much.

The key to developing a sense of self is to accept yourself in ALL you are and love yourself. IT sounds cheesy but its true. I took me alot of drugs to figure that one out ha ha.

And dont be afraid to listen to yourself and do things you want to do. When you engage all the parts of yourself they will develop properly. And a good way to do this is to always "follow your heart"- or your intuition.

I wish you many happy years ahead of you.