Help! Relapse...

[Ashley-Kate]

Well as some of you know i am in a treatm,ent programm and it has been doing very well and now i have begun intergration at home this is my third wek-end at home then i go back to the treatment programme during the week. this week-end started off on the rong foot i was not feeling to good to start off .. i had not made myself sick for like 1 month and a half the longest time i ever made it in my life and well i blew it i feel terrible and i don't know what to do to get back on track i feel like a failure they are realeasing me at the end of the month before X-mas vacation i am threw and well i am pretty sure i can make it threw at home but with this little relapse i had i am scared now i don't know what to do should i tell them and risk not coming back home for x-mas ?
please write back
ashley

 

[ThatLady]

Yes, hon, you should tell your therapist about the relapse. Hopefully, he/she will be able to help you to avoid further incidents of purging. Even if you had to return to the treatment program, which I doubt one relapse will require, it's one Christmas to be measured against the rest of your life. If you look at it that way, it's a small price to pay, eh?

 

[bipolar bear]

I am sorry that you had a relapse this weekend. You are learning new coping skills that I assume you have not utilized as long as your eating disorder. I would think it is hard to reintegrate from a structured setting back into your family lifestyle. Maybe you should consider that everyone wants what is best for you and your recovery when making your decision. Do you think it will be beneficial to withold this information? Remember no one expects you to be perfect and relapses are not uncommon. The important thing is to keep your goals in sight. It sounds like you are doing wonderful and don't let this instance discourage you. I am sure you will make the right decision for yourself and I wish you well in your recovery process.

 

[Eunoia]

hey Ash!!!! so good to hear from you!!! hun, you've come a long way and by having been open and honest w/ the people around you, you allowed yourself to slowly seperate from the "safety" of an ed and into the unknown... which is exactly why relapsing makes "sense" when you're faced w/ unfamilair territory, or an environment in which you are reminded of the past or feel like you are expected to be "okay". It's a long process, and it's one that needs continuous work but relapsing is absoluetly a part of recover. It doesn't make any of your efforts any less worthy up until now, but the only way you can truly keep staying on the right path is to be honest w/ your therapists and tell them what happened. Think of how much you have shared w/ them so far, and I am sure they have welcomed your honesty w/ empathy and help. They can't help you though if they don't know what's going on. Only you can make that decision, ultimately only you have control over your recovery. I know you can do this, you're a strong fighter. Thinking of you and drop by again to let us know how things are going.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i really scared

thanks to all , i am most likely goingot tell my therapist i have gotten back on track since though and i have not went back to my old habits since yesterday witch is a very good thing and i am optimistic on the fact that i am most likely goingot get threw this pass. I am scared though because when i think of a future i think of when i am going ot bew living alone in an appartment i wil be free and i will do whatever i want in a way and well at the moment i know i am doing better but i have a hard time imagining a future as an adulte without this e-d it seems like it has grouwn as a part of me in the last 5 years that i have been living with it and it just seems so hard to pass over even though that is exacly what i am doig i seem to have a part of me that just can't let it go as if i still need this part of my life.. next week i am goingot have a therapie session with my psychologist and we are goignto do a mega exposure therapie to help me deel with my past and according to her it may most likely help me overcome my e-d and really get better so well i hope that works cause i don'T know were i am going from here anymore, i feel as if i am amounst the percentage of people that don't get threw this illness the ones that never let go and i am scared.. help
ashley-kate

 

[Eunoia]

as scary as this whole process seems, I think that deep down you know what the right decison is... otherwise you wouldn't give it a 2nd thought, right? for every time that you fall down, you will get up again... it's ups and down's, never really just a straight line, but you will learn to get through the down's and stand on your two feet again, knowing that you can overcome this and that you have overcome the low's before. I know what you mean w/ being scared of being "on your own" and pretty much being free to do as you wish... I know. But they key is that hopefully by this time you will have progressed enough and been able to sustain the progress that you will have plenty of new coping mechanisms to get you through the rough patches and a genuine desire to fuel recovery, having seen that a life w/out an ed is possible. Every day that you don't fall back into the old habits is proof that you can have a life without this. Will you think back of the "old ways"? Be tempted to go back to the familiar? Maybe even have setbacks? Yes. Those are almost inevitable, but definitely a part of recovery. Will you ever be 100% okay, free of "everything"? That's the hope, but for now I would focus on the present and taking one step at a time...

Your ed has become part of you, but the longer you can go without feeling like this has to be a part of you, the more distant this part will become... just b/c it was a part of you for so long does not mean it has to stay this way. It makes it more difficult, I completely agree, but nothing is ever written in stone. We have faith in you Ash, now you just have to keep on having faith in yourself.

 

[Diana]

Hey Ashley-Kate! Well, it sounds like you have a much better handle on things. OK, you had a relapse, but do you think the therapists never see relapses? I understand what you mean about being afraid of the future, but that's why you're in treatment now. This is what you're trying to overcome - making it possible for you to live a life without this on your own. The thing is, you're getting to the underlying issues. It sounds like you're becoming very confident in your treatment, and the more confident you are, the more likely it will work. Yes, as embarrassing as it might be, I think you should tell your therapist what happened. You shouldn't be embarrassed, because like I said, the therapists must see relapses all the time. In fact, the therapist will probably be very impressed with you for telling her. If you really can't go home for Christmas, just think of all the Christmas Days you'll have in the future. Christmas is in the heart and soul. I'm far away from home, but I have to find the feeling of Christmas and enjoy it. Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Eunoia]

I was reading this today and it made me think of you... "there are no failures, only learning experiences- that is we need to know what was difficult, why it was difficult, and how we can make it less so".

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i told

Well i spoke top my therapist about the relapse and i have been able to get threw it .. she did not say anything about it and well in a way helped me realise that i did learn in a way from that experience i was able to se that i don't need that anymore . i may have other relapses but it is so much better han when i was purging many time a day and well i am able to see that i need to go and find another way to realease my stress and pain withou hurting myself. and my psychologist is helping me deal with that . i am still goingot be leaving at the date planed that has not changed quite yet.istill have difficulty voicing my feelings instead of inflicting them on myself but i will learn. I am doing a bit beter well actually a lot better i have not purged in 1 week .. my days started over last friday after that incident but i am not giving up my goal... at least 2 months this time i did 6 weeks last time and now i am trying to keep in my mind that i don't need that anymore so i hope to never do it again but with the up comming X-mas vacations i am a bit scared but i have to make my objective of 23 months i need to keep that in mind ,. thank you all for your support and if any of you have suggestions to help me durring x-mas break it would be gladly apreciated
ashley-kate

 

[Eunoia]

hey Ash! good to hear that you told your therapist and that you've been doing much better since then. )

You gave me an idea by asking about how to cope during the holidays, so I made a link specifically related to this topic:
http://www.psychlinks.ca/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=3487

I think that you should discuss your fears about the holidays with your therapists, I'm sure they have tons of info on how to deal w/ this time of the year and could give you specific coping skills suited for your situation.... Remember that, no matter what will happen, you can only try your best, right? Take one day at a time, one meal at a time, and remember everything that you have learned up until now. Holidays are about food, but not only about food- ther's lots (!) of other things you can do during the christmas season, try to find some things that you would enjoy and do them w/ family & friends. If you don't feel comfortable in a situation, you yourself are the best judge of that, and I don't think there's any use forcing yourself to do something you don't feel ready to do or find triggering. Try to have a balanced diet, even w/ all the holiday treats around, and try to keep your stress level at a reasonable level... again, you could do this by viewing the holiday season as a time to rejuvinate, not exhaust yourself. As scarry as this is, it is just another chance to show how far you've come.