To anyone who can offer some advice;
Every Christmas our family is faced with the same issues- that of how we might spend Christmas among all the chaos at my parent's place. My father is a compulsive hoarder, and the newspapers, phone books, concert programs, etc. have been piling up ever since we were children. Now that all the kids are grown up and living out of the house, our old rooms are also filled up with papers, not to mention half the kitchen table, and the floor in every single room of the house except for the bathrooms and the kitchen counters. There is no doubt in my mind that this illness has alienated my parents from the outside world, especially my mom who is very passive in the whole affair, as we're all quite embarassed to ever have anyone over. Growing up, my friends knew of the situation but I was always too embarassed to really invite them over to see. I secretly wished someone would call Oprah, get our house onto TV and perhaps someone could come to our aid to help my father and the rest of the family through this. All this to say, I don't even know how to express how chaotic the house is and how much of an impact this situation has had on the family members.
My father knows he collects too much, and he'll admit it once in a while. But most of the time he uses a form of diversion to step around the real problem; that of his illness. He often says how if this or that wasn't going on in his life (with blame on my sibling getting married, or another family member), then he would have more time to clean the house. My mom tries to throw things out, but he is very suspicious and gets extremely upset if anyone touches anything in his piles.
Now that we are all starting families of our own, this is the first X-mas where we will be so many all at once. We are spending X-mas at my place, because of it's size and non-clutter. This really upsets my father because he says that X-mas should be spent at the parent's house and then goes on to say that my mom doesn't help him clean the house. I finally stopped avoiding the conversation and told him that he has a problem with collecting things, and until he's ready to admit that, no-one can help get rid of the mess. I also mentionned how much I loved him. He obviously got really defensive, blamed everyone else, and the conversation was ended very quickly.
My question to any out there- how can I help my father and my family through this? This is the first time I've confronted my father about the situation (that anyone in our family has) and I really don't want to go back to pretending the situation doesn't exist. I want to do something proactive now that I'm ready to.
Any suggestions?
Thanks
Every Christmas our family is faced with the same issues- that of how we might spend Christmas among all the chaos at my parent's place. My father is a compulsive hoarder, and the newspapers, phone books, concert programs, etc. have been piling up ever since we were children. Now that all the kids are grown up and living out of the house, our old rooms are also filled up with papers, not to mention half the kitchen table, and the floor in every single room of the house except for the bathrooms and the kitchen counters. There is no doubt in my mind that this illness has alienated my parents from the outside world, especially my mom who is very passive in the whole affair, as we're all quite embarassed to ever have anyone over. Growing up, my friends knew of the situation but I was always too embarassed to really invite them over to see. I secretly wished someone would call Oprah, get our house onto TV and perhaps someone could come to our aid to help my father and the rest of the family through this. All this to say, I don't even know how to express how chaotic the house is and how much of an impact this situation has had on the family members.
My father knows he collects too much, and he'll admit it once in a while. But most of the time he uses a form of diversion to step around the real problem; that of his illness. He often says how if this or that wasn't going on in his life (with blame on my sibling getting married, or another family member), then he would have more time to clean the house. My mom tries to throw things out, but he is very suspicious and gets extremely upset if anyone touches anything in his piles.
Now that we are all starting families of our own, this is the first X-mas where we will be so many all at once. We are spending X-mas at my place, because of it's size and non-clutter. This really upsets my father because he says that X-mas should be spent at the parent's house and then goes on to say that my mom doesn't help him clean the house. I finally stopped avoiding the conversation and told him that he has a problem with collecting things, and until he's ready to admit that, no-one can help get rid of the mess. I also mentionned how much I loved him. He obviously got really defensive, blamed everyone else, and the conversation was ended very quickly.
My question to any out there- how can I help my father and my family through this? This is the first time I've confronted my father about the situation (that anyone in our family has) and I really don't want to go back to pretending the situation doesn't exist. I want to do something proactive now that I'm ready to.
Any suggestions?
Thanks
