Helping Our Children With Stress
By Lisa Belkin
New York Times blog: Motherlode: Adventures in Parenting
November 5, 2009
Every year the American Psychological Association takes our emotional temperature with its report titled Stress in America.
This year, for the first time, children were also asked about their stress levels. The conclusion? Not only are our kids feeling it, we parents aren’t noticing.
The study, released earlier this week, found that a third of the 1,206 children in the survey (ranging in age from 8 to 17) reported feeling more stress than they had a year ago. Nearly half are worried about school, while only a third of their parents thought their children saw school as a problem. Thirty percent are worried about family finances; just 18 percent of parents think that’s on their kids’ list of stressors. Twenty-nine percent of teens report worrying about what comes after high school — getting into a good college or finding work — but only 5 percent of the parents of teenagers think that is causing stress for their children.
In fact, stress is quite literally making children sick in ways that haven’t registered with their parents. According to the study:
(By the way, however stressed our children are, we adults are still more so. According to the study: 47 percent of all adults report that they have lain awake at night; 45 percent report irritability or anger; 43 percent report fatigue; 40 percent report lack of interest, motivation or energy; 34 percent report headaches; 34 percent report feeling depressed or sad; 32 percent report feeling as though they could cry; and 27 percent report upset stomach or indigestion as a result of stress. Hmmm, maybe that’s where the kids are learning it from.)
So what is a parent to do?
The APA has a webpage titled “Talking to your Kids About Stress.” Among its suggestions:
The APA survey defines children as those under the age of 17, which means it does not include the stressed out college student. Others have looked at the particular pressures on this age group though, and in an article in the student newspaper at Washington University in St. Louis last week, David Messenger reviewed a number of those studies.
There’s the one in this month’s Journal of Adolescent Health that found that “stresses from the daily routine of school and life keep 68 percent of students awake at night, with 20 percent of them at least once a week,” he writes. And there’s the 2006 survey conducted by the College Health Association which “found that 94 percent of students reported feeling overwhelmed by all that they had to do.”
In 2007, Washington University surveyed its own students, and 65 percent “felt overwhelmed one to 10 times and another 28 percent felt overwhelmed 11 times or more,” while nearly 40 percent reported levels of depression that “made it difficult to function.”
There are many reasons behind these worrisome numbers. “Academic workload, social issues involving friends, roommates, dating and extracurricular activities, family concerns and financial concerns could all trigger stress and depression,” says Eleatha Surratt, a staff psychiatrist at Student Health Services at Wash U.
And one major factor is probably the aforementioned chicken and egg problem — lack of sleep. The Adolescent Health Journal article found that only 30 percent of those surveyed reported sleeping for the recommended eight hours a night, and 20 percent of students stay up all night at least once a month and 35 percent stay up until 3 a.m. at least once a week.
So what is a parent to do once the kids are older? As tough as it is to help younger children with stress, at least you can watch their routines and read their body language; college students are likely to be out of sight, leaving fewer hints that they need help.
If I were David Messenger’s parent, I could find one clue that the young man is probably more than a little, umm, busy. His article about students stress? It seems to have been posted on the newspaper’s website at 4:25 AM.
Related article:
APA Survey Raises Concern About Parent Perceptions of Children's Stress
By Lisa Belkin
New York Times blog: Motherlode: Adventures in Parenting
November 5, 2009
Every year the American Psychological Association takes our emotional temperature with its report titled Stress in America.
This year, for the first time, children were also asked about their stress levels. The conclusion? Not only are our kids feeling it, we parents aren’t noticing.
The study, released earlier this week, found that a third of the 1,206 children in the survey (ranging in age from 8 to 17) reported feeling more stress than they had a year ago. Nearly half are worried about school, while only a third of their parents thought their children saw school as a problem. Thirty percent are worried about family finances; just 18 percent of parents think that’s on their kids’ list of stressors. Twenty-nine percent of teens report worrying about what comes after high school — getting into a good college or finding work — but only 5 percent of the parents of teenagers think that is causing stress for their children.
In fact, stress is quite literally making children sick in ways that haven’t registered with their parents. According to the study:
- Tweens (30 percent) and teens (42 percent) say they get headaches vs. 13 percent of parents
- Tweens (39 percent) and teens (49 percent) cite difficulty sleeping vs. 13 percent of parents
- Tweens (27 percent) and teens (39 percent) report eating too much or too little vs. 8 percent of parents
(By the way, however stressed our children are, we adults are still more so. According to the study: 47 percent of all adults report that they have lain awake at night; 45 percent report irritability or anger; 43 percent report fatigue; 40 percent report lack of interest, motivation or energy; 34 percent report headaches; 34 percent report feeling depressed or sad; 32 percent report feeling as though they could cry; and 27 percent report upset stomach or indigestion as a result of stress. Hmmm, maybe that’s where the kids are learning it from.)
So what is a parent to do?
The APA has a webpage titled “Talking to your Kids About Stress.” Among its suggestions:
- Notice times when your kids are most likely to talk — for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car — and be fully available to just listen.
- When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
- Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
- Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
- Let them complete their point before you respond.
- Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
- Realize that your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story.
- Shielding children from possible causes of stress or anxiety, such as unemployment, a parent’s marital problems or an illness in the family, can worsen a child’s anxiety because children commonly assume a worse case scenario. Help by providing age-appropriate information.
The APA survey defines children as those under the age of 17, which means it does not include the stressed out college student. Others have looked at the particular pressures on this age group though, and in an article in the student newspaper at Washington University in St. Louis last week, David Messenger reviewed a number of those studies.
There’s the one in this month’s Journal of Adolescent Health that found that “stresses from the daily routine of school and life keep 68 percent of students awake at night, with 20 percent of them at least once a week,” he writes. And there’s the 2006 survey conducted by the College Health Association which “found that 94 percent of students reported feeling overwhelmed by all that they had to do.”
In 2007, Washington University surveyed its own students, and 65 percent “felt overwhelmed one to 10 times and another 28 percent felt overwhelmed 11 times or more,” while nearly 40 percent reported levels of depression that “made it difficult to function.”
There are many reasons behind these worrisome numbers. “Academic workload, social issues involving friends, roommates, dating and extracurricular activities, family concerns and financial concerns could all trigger stress and depression,” says Eleatha Surratt, a staff psychiatrist at Student Health Services at Wash U.
And one major factor is probably the aforementioned chicken and egg problem — lack of sleep. The Adolescent Health Journal article found that only 30 percent of those surveyed reported sleeping for the recommended eight hours a night, and 20 percent of students stay up all night at least once a month and 35 percent stay up until 3 a.m. at least once a week.
So what is a parent to do once the kids are older? As tough as it is to help younger children with stress, at least you can watch their routines and read their body language; college students are likely to be out of sight, leaving fewer hints that they need help.
If I were David Messenger’s parent, I could find one clue that the young man is probably more than a little, umm, busy. His article about students stress? It seems to have been posted on the newspaper’s website at 4:25 AM.
Related article:
APA Survey Raises Concern About Parent Perceptions of Children's Stress
