Let me tell you my story - I have only recently considered that I might be mentally ill and would love advice/input from others who might be more understanding than the people I work with.
I was compelled to seek out these forums after developing horrible anxiety and compulsions over the last year and a half. It started with checking the stove every time I left the house, to making sure the doors to my house were locked every time I left. I used to think this was just a weird idiosyncrasy like those that most people have, but ever since I became a graduate student in a biochem lab things have become persistently worse. I work in a lab that has VERY expensive materials. A small 0.5ml vial of enzyme can cost up to $400, and a -80degC freezer can have tens of thousands of dollars of samples in it. About two months ago my anxiety over the stove and locks at home spread to objects at work - burners, fridges, -80 and -20 freezers, etc... It has gotten to the point where if I am the last person in the lab before leaving, I have to check every flame, fridge, freezer, heating block and so on. Checking once and saying to myself that it is off doesn't work though - I can stare at a closed freezer, feel it, say to myself that it is closed, and still turn around and have a sudden surge of panic that it was left open. I also am terrified of burning down the building by leaving the burners on, and usually have to check 5 times before feeling safe.
The worst part isn't taking 30 minutes to leave the lab, it is going home and having awful visions and nightmares about showing up the next day and having the building burnt down or my boss' entire career (proteins, DNA, and cell stocks stored in a freezer) destroyed. I see them looking at me with disdain because I was the idiot who did something stupid and wasted thousands of dollars.
This all culminated in an incident in which I had a sudden feeling of panic at 2:30am, in which I was worried I had left a box of protein out at room temperature (it should be put away at -20). My rational side 100% knew I would never do that, but after rolling around in bed for 30 minutes I got up, got dressed, and walked 25 minutes to the lab just to confirm they were put away (they were!). Several incidents like this have happened and it is killing me. Everyone else in the lab goes about their normal lives making it look so easy, while I just live every day hoping I don't burn a building down or ruin an entire career.
I know that an in-person consultation with a professional is the only way to get diagnosed, but I would like to see if other people think I am truly mentally unwell - I don't want to be that person who thinks he has every disease on the planet.
I look forward to talking to you guys!
I was compelled to seek out these forums after developing horrible anxiety and compulsions over the last year and a half. It started with checking the stove every time I left the house, to making sure the doors to my house were locked every time I left. I used to think this was just a weird idiosyncrasy like those that most people have, but ever since I became a graduate student in a biochem lab things have become persistently worse. I work in a lab that has VERY expensive materials. A small 0.5ml vial of enzyme can cost up to $400, and a -80degC freezer can have tens of thousands of dollars of samples in it. About two months ago my anxiety over the stove and locks at home spread to objects at work - burners, fridges, -80 and -20 freezers, etc... It has gotten to the point where if I am the last person in the lab before leaving, I have to check every flame, fridge, freezer, heating block and so on. Checking once and saying to myself that it is off doesn't work though - I can stare at a closed freezer, feel it, say to myself that it is closed, and still turn around and have a sudden surge of panic that it was left open. I also am terrified of burning down the building by leaving the burners on, and usually have to check 5 times before feeling safe.
The worst part isn't taking 30 minutes to leave the lab, it is going home and having awful visions and nightmares about showing up the next day and having the building burnt down or my boss' entire career (proteins, DNA, and cell stocks stored in a freezer) destroyed. I see them looking at me with disdain because I was the idiot who did something stupid and wasted thousands of dollars.
This all culminated in an incident in which I had a sudden feeling of panic at 2:30am, in which I was worried I had left a box of protein out at room temperature (it should be put away at -20). My rational side 100% knew I would never do that, but after rolling around in bed for 30 minutes I got up, got dressed, and walked 25 minutes to the lab just to confirm they were put away (they were!). Several incidents like this have happened and it is killing me. Everyone else in the lab goes about their normal lives making it look so easy, while I just live every day hoping I don't burn a building down or ruin an entire career.
I know that an in-person consultation with a professional is the only way to get diagnosed, but I would like to see if other people think I am truly mentally unwell - I don't want to be that person who thinks he has every disease on the planet.
I look forward to talking to you guys!
