This looks like a great forum! so blessed to see that everyone is seeking help and/or helping those who are hurting. i stumbled across this forum when i had an epiphany about my 5 year old son today after the trillionth little episode we have had with him. I have always described him as passionate and sensitive. As an infant he cried constantly (he was, and continues to be, chronically constipated from birth). When we got some of those issues settled and he grew a bit he became a joy - so much joy, such a contagious laugh. He is easily elated, but just as easily thrown into the deepest anger. And when he is angry he makes this terrible face 
and lashes out, most often at his older sister (7 years old), physically. hitting, kicking. And he gets angry at the smallest trigger - "i thought she was playing our game wrong". He also lashed out at me - today it was because i asked him to go to the bathroom. Oftentimes he is fearful of me or my husband and runs away, or refuses to make eye contact and blocks out our voices when we are speaking to him, at his level, in a quiet voice. He literally doesn't hear us because he is freaking out. He also will attack me physically about once a week.
So my epiphany today was that the kid is constantly in fight or flight mode. This primal instinct kicks in the second he perceives that we are going to be disappointed or reprimand him, or when his sister becomes an emotional threat. Which brought me to David Baxter's "desensitizing your fight or flight response" article. This was helpful to me to some extent, but I need to know how to get a 5 year old to intellectualize that he is not in danger. Ii need to know how to make his environment feel safe to him. I need to get the immediate walls he builds to come down.
As I read over what I have written, it really sounds like we abuse the poor kid and he is reacting to something that we have put him through. I swear that this is not the case. He comes from an exceptionally stable, Christian home. I home school my kids and I love them as deeply as any mom can love her kids. We do spank our children, but never out of anger. It is always in a very controlled, calm setting. after reading Mr. Baxter's article on being highly sensitive today, tho, I have decided to try completely cutting out any physical corrections for him.
Anyhow, that's why I am here. I will probably need to move this discussion to the parenting section. Thank you, in advance, for helping me out. My Silas means the world to me and I feel like I'm driving a wedge between us - he's just wired a bit differently than the rest of us are. I want to get a handle on it as soon as possible so the home will be his soft place to land and not a place of fear or anxiety for him. ~ nik
and lashes out, most often at his older sister (7 years old), physically. hitting, kicking. And he gets angry at the smallest trigger - "i thought she was playing our game wrong". He also lashed out at me - today it was because i asked him to go to the bathroom. Oftentimes he is fearful of me or my husband and runs away, or refuses to make eye contact and blocks out our voices when we are speaking to him, at his level, in a quiet voice. He literally doesn't hear us because he is freaking out. He also will attack me physically about once a week.So my epiphany today was that the kid is constantly in fight or flight mode. This primal instinct kicks in the second he perceives that we are going to be disappointed or reprimand him, or when his sister becomes an emotional threat. Which brought me to David Baxter's "desensitizing your fight or flight response" article. This was helpful to me to some extent, but I need to know how to get a 5 year old to intellectualize that he is not in danger. Ii need to know how to make his environment feel safe to him. I need to get the immediate walls he builds to come down.
As I read over what I have written, it really sounds like we abuse the poor kid and he is reacting to something that we have put him through. I swear that this is not the case. He comes from an exceptionally stable, Christian home. I home school my kids and I love them as deeply as any mom can love her kids. We do spank our children, but never out of anger. It is always in a very controlled, calm setting. after reading Mr. Baxter's article on being highly sensitive today, tho, I have decided to try completely cutting out any physical corrections for him.
Anyhow, that's why I am here. I will probably need to move this discussion to the parenting section. Thank you, in advance, for helping me out. My Silas means the world to me and I feel like I'm driving a wedge between us - he's just wired a bit differently than the rest of us are. I want to get a handle on it as soon as possible so the home will be his soft place to land and not a place of fear or anxiety for him. ~ nik
