• Quote of the Day
    "Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be,
    but to find out who we already are and become it."
    Steven Pressfield, posted by David Baxter

Brent

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
9
Points
1
Hi everyone,

I read a quote the other day that I'm hoping is going to help me change my life for the better - "It's never to late to be who you could have been."

Since I read it I've thought of it probably every day, which eventually lead me here. I think i might be hooked on this site already, and I'm enjoying a lot of the articles that are posted. As well as I'm truly enjoying the amount of people on here that are trying to change their lives for the better regardless of circumstances.

I'm not sure where to start, and I feel like this may go from the middle to the end to to the beggining, but thanks to anyone who actually makes it through what's about to come.

Anyhew, I'm a 22 year old male, who's recently come to the conclusion that he's seen life as something that has to be endured instead of something that should be lived. I've been having a problem lately that while watching a movie, reading a book, looking in a magazine and I see something that I find "cool", or "inspirational" (I'm not exactly sure what the trigger is right now), but before I realize it I'm in tears. It's happened to me maybe once a year over the past 5 years, but in the last 6 months it's been happening a lot. Definately weird and a little uncomfortable if you're in public...

Right at the moment, I'm looking to learn how to be "open", as I've had a lot of complaints about that. Mostly in a work setting, and one particular girl who also calls it being stubborn, who should not be pointing fingers herself.:) :( (joking)

I've also developed a massive fear of conflict, that I thought was just procrastination, but someone else pointed it out for me, and it suddenly clicked and made sense.

I've been extremely alone the last few years. physically and emotionally. I've felt that no one could understand the things I've put myself through, which has caused me to have problems letting any emotions out at all and constantly putting on a front of being calm and cool while on the inside I'm anything but. Physically, over one particular memorable stretch of four months, besides a hand shake I can't remember actually touching another person in any way, not even a hug.

It's gotten to the point where I keep everyone in my life at arms distance, and find is just about impossible to let anyone in. I've pushed lifelong friends away, and made it impossible to make new meaningful ones. I feel like I should be more upset and worried about that than I am. But it doesn't bother me that much, and I find it comforting to not rely on anyone too much.

There are parts of my life over the last few years I feel like I'll never be able to tell anyone about fully. Mostly just for my shame and embarassment, which have I think more impact in my life than they should.

I get worried that I don't actually have anything that should make me sad and unhappy, and that I do it to myself out of habit.

I haven't had a relationship with a girl that's lasted longer than 2 months in my entire life. My pattern seems to be that there's one girl who I have actual feelings for at any given time, but I can never actually begin any sort of relationship with for one reason or another. Which doesn't make for a lack of girls in my life, for some reason girls find an uncaring guy who rarely has time for them and is a little on the mysterious side fairly appealing. In reality I am very busy, and I just refuse to let anyone in these days.

I'm a little worried about how I've been treating girls, by no means have I been taking things to an inappropriate level with anyone in the last few years, if I don't have deep feelings, than I don't see the point of getting to "that" level. However I see no problem with a kiss and a cuddle with a girl, and have been known to date a few girls at the same time. However, were I to get serious with any of them, then I'd be extremely monogomus (hope I spelled that right.) I have very clear views on cheating, and it's a NO-NO.

when it comes to sleep, at times it's my feared enemy who's coming to take away a third of my life, and I avoid it, with fair success, and can get by with a few hours a night for months. At other times, it's all but impossible to turn my brain off at night and actually fall asleep, and once I do I could literally never get out of bed.

Whew, I could actually keep going like this for a good long time, it was mostly just nice to let it out, I've been holding that sort of stuff inside for a good long time. Unfortunately, I don't know how many words a single post can be, so I think I'll cut the negative stuff off for now.

The positive things in my life, are.. well... positive. When need be, I can be extremely sociable, a great listener, and I hope funny. I love competition in all forms, I find it to be my favourite part of life, whether it be sport, work, board games, or just about anything. Win, lose or draw, I live for the thrill of it all.

at 22 I don't feel a quarter life crisis coming on, I feel 30 is the new 20, and 40 and 50 can still be a lot of fun.

I love to read anything I can get my hands on. I can read the same series of books over and over, and they only get better each time. I'll read magazines or even comic books. At times, when I'm focused I stop seeing words and just start to see it all in my head happening. When I blank out like this I can come to hours later. It's better than TV.

Speaking of telivision, I feel commercials and advertising has to be close to the root of all evil in the world. I feel it just makes you feel ugly.(and the prettiest girl or guy you know will feel that way too when they see a Calvin Klein jeans commercial.) I remember reading somewhere, and this guy said "six pack abs and 20 inch arms do not make you magically have social skils and able to talk to girls," that statement really hit home for me. I also find TV makes you very hungry, and Moms home cooking just won't cut it after seeing a Burger King commercial. *NOTE* this is just me, and my opinion, if anyone finds it offensive at all, please accept my sincere apology in advance.

That's about it really, I feel like I've got a lot more to say, but I don't see the need. It was a nice exercise in opening up, and I'm even surprised by some of the things I've written.

Thanks to everyone in advance, I look forward to the self improvement the site has to offer.
 

gayle

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2007
Messages
17
Points
1
Hi

I am new too, and would like to say welcome and hope you can get some answers from the information here.

Gayle
 

sister-ray

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2005
Messages
2,017
Points
36
Hi Brent,

Just wanted to say Hello and Welcome to Psychlinks, I can identify with alot you say, especially:

"Physically, over one particular memorable stretch of four months, besides a hand shake I can't remember actually touching another person in any way, not even a hug."

I've had times like that and its hard to put into words how it makes you feel not having had contact with anyone.

Hope to get to chat more later, Take care now TTE
 

foghlaim

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2006
Messages
1,549
Points
36
Hi Brent,
Welcome to the forum. :)

Ii'd like to say i'm very impressed by the level of awareness of yourself that you have shown above, it was a pleasure to read your introduction.
What I see in your post is a young man embarking on the journey to adulthood and maturity. Who I see in your post is a young man who cares about others and himself and eager to learn more .

It was a nice exercise in opening up, and I'm even surprised by some of the things I've written.
I like to think that's it's this forum and the ppl here who help us feel comfortable enough to be able to say what's on our minds. :) I'm glad posting this was a nice experience, and as you've discovered it can be amazing sometimes what comes to mind when we are typing away.

There are various aspects of the above, which when you are ready, can be explored in more detail, maybe by starting new threads on the specific topic or concern.?? If you would like some help on this, just ask okay.

You have made a brilliant start here on opening up.. I know there are plenty of ppl here who will be able to give suggestions etc on continueing this and I hope you'll find some of the threads\articles on this topic "opening up! helpful.

again welcome to the boards and thank you for posting the above. :)
 

Heather

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2005
Messages
373
Points
16
Hi and welcome to the forum,

Well done for that post and opening up like that, many of us I am sure can relate to stuff that you have said.

I hope you like it here and find the site of much use.

Heather...
 

Halo

Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2005
Messages
7,475
Points
36
Hi Brent,

Welcome to Psychlinks :welcome:

I hope to see you around more and get to know you better :wave:
 

^^Phoenix^^

Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2004
Messages
656
Points
16
Hi Brent

I firstly wanted to say 'good on ya' for the amount you wrote down about yourself. I often find writing my feelings so theraputic, and I think it may help you with your issue of 'opening up with other people'. Its like practise, I think, once you learn to annotate your emotions (which you seem to do quite well, really :) ) you may find it easier face to face.

secondly - this made me laugh because I hate ads, and am a total cynic about all of them. (and yes, they do make me want burgers too):

Speaking of telivision, I feel commercials and advertising has to be close to the root of all evil in the world. I feel it just makes you feel ugly.(and the prettiest girl or guy you know will feel that way too when they see a Calvin Klein jeans commercial.) I remember reading somewhere, and this guy said "six pack abs and 20 inch arms do not make you magically have social skils and able to talk to girls," that statement really hit home for me. I also find TV makes you very hungry, and Moms home cooking just won't cut it after seeing a Burger King commercial. *NOTE* this is just me, and my opinion, if anyone finds it offensive at all, please accept my sincere apology in advance.

you seem like a really optimistic person so far, (although, I do realise that you are putting off the negetive stuff for another time). I hope you gain what your looking for on these forums, there are many different opinions and points of view, and I have found that very helpful in the past.

Welcome to the boards.
 

ThatLady

Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
4,104
Points
36
A tale well told, Brent! I enjoyed reading your introductory post. :)

I find myself wondering which, if any, of the aspects of your personality actually trouble you when it comes to living your life, earning your living, and going about your business. Some people just don't like getting all touchy-feely with other people. It's not a sin. It's just who you are.

Being open and forthcoming with others is a two-edged sword. While it's great to have a special person in your life to whom you can tell those deep, dark secrets, not all of us have one. One thing's for sure. You don't want to be telling them to every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet! :D

Your opposite sex relationships seem to be suffering mostly from a lack of time to devote to them, from what you say. When the time comes that you feel the need for female companionship becomes more important than the other things demanding time in your life, I have a feeling you'll remedy that on your own. ;)

The sleeping problem is more serious, simply because the human body (and brain) needs sleep to renew itself. Avoiding sleep can have some pretty nasty consequences if you do it consistently. It's important to try to schedule sleep in a reasonable way. That's not to say that we all don't have times when we've got so much going on that we don't sleep as much as we should, but we need to be sure that we're getting enough sleep to keep our bodies and minds in good shape.

I'm not fond of commercials either. Then again, I never watch television, so I'm no exposed to them. I wonder if there's a connection there ...:think:

In short - or not so short - you sound to me like a pretty well-grounded young man with a full life and a healthy self-respect. I'm not sure what's worrying you so much. Perhaps it's those things you feel you put yourself through that have caused you to be leery of very close relationships.

Have you had therapy at any time during your life? Sometimes, one can gain a tremendous amount of help from just a few sessions with a good psychologist. That can help to put the important things in focus, and allow us to move the unimportant things onto the back burners where they belong.

Glad to have you here with us. I hope you'll find this the helpful, caring family we've all found it to be. :hug:
 

Brent

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
9
Points
1
sincerely, thank you everyone who took the time to read through all of that, it means a lot, a whole lot actually.
 

Brent

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2007
Messages
9
Points
1
gayle - thanks, I'm hoping we both get answers for what we're looking for here.

Through these eyes - It was the weirdest feeling one day to think to myself, "I can't remember what another person feels like..." I'd just been so used to, my entire life, getting hugs for no reason, and just general contact. For me personally it wasn't the worst thing I've ever went through, and I sure do appreciate anyone who gives me a hug now.

foghlaim - I considered everything I wrote as sort of testing the waters, and seeing how it felt, and it didn't feel bad at all. I do find myself regretting opening up lately, but I think mostly I've just chosen the wrong people.

I've actually been taking a look around, and I haven't seen anything on "opening up" yet, but half the fun is looking anyways. Thanks for the advice.

Heather - I can already tell this site is going to be of good use for, probably the rest of my life, thanks again.

Nancy - hi Nancy, it's nice to be here.

Phienix - I actually just picked up a notebook a few weeks back and have been writing about...well anything really. from my thoughts, to motivational quotes, to do lists, etc etc. It's fun.

I do have a big problem with avoiding negative stuff, and I'm actually about to start dealing with... a lot of it very soon, but I think I'm ready.

ThatLady - thanks for the advice, you're hitting fairly close to home. There's a pretty long list of things that worry me, and I think it's actually time for some professional help for a lot of it. I've always been a little leery of psychologists, but I'm actually pretty excited to get rid of this stuff, and I think walking around all day, without it weighing on me will be... wonderful. Thanks again.
 
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
8,529
Points
48
Welcome, Brent.
:)

I can relate to a lot of what you said and I'm WAY older than you are. :)

I love reading the same books over and over. I also can relate to sleeping being the enemy. I dread going to sleep and rarely sleep peacefully.

Anyway, it's good to have you here. :)
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
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hello brent, welcome to the forum! very nice to hear all about you, and i hope we can be of help to you. the forum has helped me through a very difficult time (clinical depression), and it's really become a home to me. i think you will find yourself very welcome here, and that there are a lot of people here who care and want to listen.

as for feeling leery of psychologists, it is important that you find the right fit. i was lucky to have a good fit when i needed someone to help me out, and it has had a very positive impact on my life. it is well worth the effort. for some guidelines on finding the right one, see the thread Between Client and Therapist. also the Therapy & Therapists forum is a great place for more info related to the topic.

again, welcome and hope to hear more from you soon :)
 

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