Hi everyone,
I read a quote the other day that I'm hoping is going to help me change my life for the better - "It's never to late to be who you could have been."
Since I read it I've thought of it probably every day, which eventually lead me here. I think i might be hooked on this site already, and I'm enjoying a lot of the articles that are posted. As well as I'm truly enjoying the amount of people on here that are trying to change their lives for the better regardless of circumstances.
I'm not sure where to start, and I feel like this may go from the middle to the end to to the beggining, but thanks to anyone who actually makes it through what's about to come.
Anyhew, I'm a 22 year old male, who's recently come to the conclusion that he's seen life as something that has to be endured instead of something that should be lived. I've been having a problem lately that while watching a movie, reading a book, looking in a magazine and I see something that I find "cool", or "inspirational" (I'm not exactly sure what the trigger is right now), but before I realize it I'm in tears. It's happened to me maybe once a year over the past 5 years, but in the last 6 months it's been happening a lot. Definately weird and a little uncomfortable if you're in public...
Right at the moment, I'm looking to learn how to be "open", as I've had a lot of complaints about that. Mostly in a work setting, and one particular girl who also calls it being stubborn, who should not be pointing fingers herself. (joking)
I've also developed a massive fear of conflict, that I thought was just procrastination, but someone else pointed it out for me, and it suddenly clicked and made sense.
I've been extremely alone the last few years. physically and emotionally. I've felt that no one could understand the things I've put myself through, which has caused me to have problems letting any emotions out at all and constantly putting on a front of being calm and cool while on the inside I'm anything but. Physically, over one particular memorable stretch of four months, besides a hand shake I can't remember actually touching another person in any way, not even a hug.
It's gotten to the point where I keep everyone in my life at arms distance, and find is just about impossible to let anyone in. I've pushed lifelong friends away, and made it impossible to make new meaningful ones. I feel like I should be more upset and worried about that than I am. But it doesn't bother me that much, and I find it comforting to not rely on anyone too much.
There are parts of my life over the last few years I feel like I'll never be able to tell anyone about fully. Mostly just for my shame and embarassment, which have I think more impact in my life than they should.
I get worried that I don't actually have anything that should make me sad and unhappy, and that I do it to myself out of habit.
I haven't had a relationship with a girl that's lasted longer than 2 months in my entire life. My pattern seems to be that there's one girl who I have actual feelings for at any given time, but I can never actually begin any sort of relationship with for one reason or another. Which doesn't make for a lack of girls in my life, for some reason girls find an uncaring guy who rarely has time for them and is a little on the mysterious side fairly appealing. In reality I am very busy, and I just refuse to let anyone in these days.
I'm a little worried about how I've been treating girls, by no means have I been taking things to an inappropriate level with anyone in the last few years, if I don't have deep feelings, than I don't see the point of getting to "that" level. However I see no problem with a kiss and a cuddle with a girl, and have been known to date a few girls at the same time. However, were I to get serious with any of them, then I'd be extremely monogomus (hope I spelled that right.) I have very clear views on cheating, and it's a NO-NO.
when it comes to sleep, at times it's my feared enemy who's coming to take away a third of my life, and I avoid it, with fair success, and can get by with a few hours a night for months. At other times, it's all but impossible to turn my brain off at night and actually fall asleep, and once I do I could literally never get out of bed.
Whew, I could actually keep going like this for a good long time, it was mostly just nice to let it out, I've been holding that sort of stuff inside for a good long time. Unfortunately, I don't know how many words a single post can be, so I think I'll cut the negative stuff off for now.
The positive things in my life, are.. well... positive. When need be, I can be extremely sociable, a great listener, and I hope funny. I love competition in all forms, I find it to be my favourite part of life, whether it be sport, work, board games, or just about anything. Win, lose or draw, I live for the thrill of it all.
at 22 I don't feel a quarter life crisis coming on, I feel 30 is the new 20, and 40 and 50 can still be a lot of fun.
I love to read anything I can get my hands on. I can read the same series of books over and over, and they only get better each time. I'll read magazines or even comic books. At times, when I'm focused I stop seeing words and just start to see it all in my head happening. When I blank out like this I can come to hours later. It's better than TV.
Speaking of telivision, I feel commercials and advertising has to be close to the root of all evil in the world. I feel it just makes you feel ugly.(and the prettiest girl or guy you know will feel that way too when they see a Calvin Klein jeans commercial.) I remember reading somewhere, and this guy said "six pack abs and 20 inch arms do not make you magically have social skils and able to talk to girls," that statement really hit home for me. I also find TV makes you very hungry, and Moms home cooking just won't cut it after seeing a Burger King commercial. *NOTE* this is just me, and my opinion, if anyone finds it offensive at all, please accept my sincere apology in advance.
That's about it really, I feel like I've got a lot more to say, but I don't see the need. It was a nice exercise in opening up, and I'm even surprised by some of the things I've written.
Thanks to everyone in advance, I look forward to the self improvement the site has to offer.
I read a quote the other day that I'm hoping is going to help me change my life for the better - "It's never to late to be who you could have been."
Since I read it I've thought of it probably every day, which eventually lead me here. I think i might be hooked on this site already, and I'm enjoying a lot of the articles that are posted. As well as I'm truly enjoying the amount of people on here that are trying to change their lives for the better regardless of circumstances.
I'm not sure where to start, and I feel like this may go from the middle to the end to to the beggining, but thanks to anyone who actually makes it through what's about to come.
Anyhew, I'm a 22 year old male, who's recently come to the conclusion that he's seen life as something that has to be endured instead of something that should be lived. I've been having a problem lately that while watching a movie, reading a book, looking in a magazine and I see something that I find "cool", or "inspirational" (I'm not exactly sure what the trigger is right now), but before I realize it I'm in tears. It's happened to me maybe once a year over the past 5 years, but in the last 6 months it's been happening a lot. Definately weird and a little uncomfortable if you're in public...
Right at the moment, I'm looking to learn how to be "open", as I've had a lot of complaints about that. Mostly in a work setting, and one particular girl who also calls it being stubborn, who should not be pointing fingers herself. (joking)
I've also developed a massive fear of conflict, that I thought was just procrastination, but someone else pointed it out for me, and it suddenly clicked and made sense.
I've been extremely alone the last few years. physically and emotionally. I've felt that no one could understand the things I've put myself through, which has caused me to have problems letting any emotions out at all and constantly putting on a front of being calm and cool while on the inside I'm anything but. Physically, over one particular memorable stretch of four months, besides a hand shake I can't remember actually touching another person in any way, not even a hug.
It's gotten to the point where I keep everyone in my life at arms distance, and find is just about impossible to let anyone in. I've pushed lifelong friends away, and made it impossible to make new meaningful ones. I feel like I should be more upset and worried about that than I am. But it doesn't bother me that much, and I find it comforting to not rely on anyone too much.
There are parts of my life over the last few years I feel like I'll never be able to tell anyone about fully. Mostly just for my shame and embarassment, which have I think more impact in my life than they should.
I get worried that I don't actually have anything that should make me sad and unhappy, and that I do it to myself out of habit.
I haven't had a relationship with a girl that's lasted longer than 2 months in my entire life. My pattern seems to be that there's one girl who I have actual feelings for at any given time, but I can never actually begin any sort of relationship with for one reason or another. Which doesn't make for a lack of girls in my life, for some reason girls find an uncaring guy who rarely has time for them and is a little on the mysterious side fairly appealing. In reality I am very busy, and I just refuse to let anyone in these days.
I'm a little worried about how I've been treating girls, by no means have I been taking things to an inappropriate level with anyone in the last few years, if I don't have deep feelings, than I don't see the point of getting to "that" level. However I see no problem with a kiss and a cuddle with a girl, and have been known to date a few girls at the same time. However, were I to get serious with any of them, then I'd be extremely monogomus (hope I spelled that right.) I have very clear views on cheating, and it's a NO-NO.
when it comes to sleep, at times it's my feared enemy who's coming to take away a third of my life, and I avoid it, with fair success, and can get by with a few hours a night for months. At other times, it's all but impossible to turn my brain off at night and actually fall asleep, and once I do I could literally never get out of bed.
Whew, I could actually keep going like this for a good long time, it was mostly just nice to let it out, I've been holding that sort of stuff inside for a good long time. Unfortunately, I don't know how many words a single post can be, so I think I'll cut the negative stuff off for now.
The positive things in my life, are.. well... positive. When need be, I can be extremely sociable, a great listener, and I hope funny. I love competition in all forms, I find it to be my favourite part of life, whether it be sport, work, board games, or just about anything. Win, lose or draw, I live for the thrill of it all.
at 22 I don't feel a quarter life crisis coming on, I feel 30 is the new 20, and 40 and 50 can still be a lot of fun.
I love to read anything I can get my hands on. I can read the same series of books over and over, and they only get better each time. I'll read magazines or even comic books. At times, when I'm focused I stop seeing words and just start to see it all in my head happening. When I blank out like this I can come to hours later. It's better than TV.
Speaking of telivision, I feel commercials and advertising has to be close to the root of all evil in the world. I feel it just makes you feel ugly.(and the prettiest girl or guy you know will feel that way too when they see a Calvin Klein jeans commercial.) I remember reading somewhere, and this guy said "six pack abs and 20 inch arms do not make you magically have social skils and able to talk to girls," that statement really hit home for me. I also find TV makes you very hungry, and Moms home cooking just won't cut it after seeing a Burger King commercial. *NOTE* this is just me, and my opinion, if anyone finds it offensive at all, please accept my sincere apology in advance.
That's about it really, I feel like I've got a lot more to say, but I don't see the need. It was a nice exercise in opening up, and I'm even surprised by some of the things I've written.
Thanks to everyone in advance, I look forward to the self improvement the site has to offer.