Highly Sensitive Person with toxic boss

[discowombat]

I am an highly sensitive person who has been having trouble at work. When I was hired over 6 years ago my boss was actually very pleasant, and during this time I actually looked forward to waking up and coming to work each day. However, time has changed the situation, and for quite some time my boss has been mostly short tempered, angry, and has drastic mood swings throughout the day. When I try to talk about work matters he tends to cut me short, walk off before I'm done, and generally act as if talking to me is painful to him in some way. When he does talk to me or make a request his tone of voice makes everything sound like an accusation. He criticizes but very rarely praises. "Thank you" and "please" are angrily spoken afterthoughts if they come at all. The problem is drastic enough that all my coworkers notice it as well. I need to know how to deal with this work situation as an HSP because quitting is not an option right now, and my work environment has driven me to depression. Do you have any advice?

 

[Retired]

The first question that comes to mind is, have you ever asked him if he is angry with you or otherwise displeased with your work performance?

Depending on the management structure at your place of work, and the location of your interaction with your boss, whether it's in an industrial environment or an office environment and whether you are in a union or not could affect your approach.

Do you have periodic meetings with your boss where your work plans or evaluations of your work performance are discussed?

Your options, short of moving to another place of employment would seem to be:

• Have a conversation with this person to determine why this antagonistic behaviour
• Go over his head to senior management, to Human Resources (Personnel Dept) or your union representative
• Tolerate his bad behaviour, on the assumption your work is acceptable and that the boss has personal issues he is unable to cope with

 

[discowombat]

Thank you for the reply Steve. I don't think my work performance is the issue since since during my time here I've doubled the number of customers previously served by my dept. and get great feedback from most families who use our organization. My yearly evaluations have been pretty good so far as well.

I've tried talking to him a few times about certain things he does that upset me, and he usually doesn't react well and/or acts like he has no idea what I'm talking about. I don't do well with conflict so the conversation usually ends there. It's a small place so there's no HR and the board that acts as his boss is under his thumb. I don't think saying anything to them would end well for me. I need this job because even if I could find work elsewhere I cannot afford to move right now for a number of reasons.

I realize that he is probably having issues of his own, but I would appreciate if anyone could recommend some coping strategies to help me deal with this environment for what will likely be several more years.

 

[Daniel E.]

In case you did not see this article (which has 2 parts):

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/mental-h...usive-bosses-and-the-unhealthy-workplace.html

 

[mostinterested]

I've changed several bosses over the years (though the current one is still no picnic). I've been looking for advice and guidance and there are books and blogs that can help you. My favorite at the moment is Lynn Taylor, a workplace expert and an author - Tame Your TOT? How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job. There may be some articles by her on this site, I'm not sure. She also has a book out, Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant, that is funny and practical. I recommend.

 

[Daniel E.]

One of her articles from her Psychology Today blog:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/mental-h...s/20136-why-bad-bosses-act-like-toddlers.html