Holding back

[philips]

Hi. I have been to see my psychologist every few weeks for about 6 months but there are some things that still really hurt to think about and I've been holding back.

I would like to talk about these issues but now, in a strange way, I don't want to because he seems to think I'm an OK person and I'm convinced the things I will tell him will change his opinion of me.

Is this usual? How do I get out of this situation?

 

[NicNak]

Re: holding back

I am sure it is common for people to hold back, although I tend to be the opposite.

From what I can gather with Psyhologists and Psychiatrists, there is very little I can say that they have not heard before.

I am sure others will share their experience as well, but I wouldn't hold anything back. That is the best way they are able to diagnose and treat us.

:support:

 

[Andy]

Re: holding back

I have done this myself. I had a psychologist with whom I saw for 6 years and I was comfortable with her (which takes me a very long time) and there were things I know I needed to talk about and I just couldn't bring myself to initiate the conversation. I no longer see her and I am kicking myself for not discussing those things, especially while I had someone I knew I could trust.

I think a lot of people do this because it's so hard to bring some things up. Can I suggest that if you can't bring yourself to start the convo maybe you could write some of the things down and then explain your predicament and give the paper to your psychologist and then they can sort of start the conversation. Is that silly?

Just a suggestion. I just know that I wish I had taken the opportunity to get it all out there instead of still having unresolved issues.

I hope your able to figure something out.

 

[ladylore]

Re: holding back

Sometimes it takes time to build up trust. Are the things you would like to bring affecting your life?

 

[Jazzey]

Re: holding back

Can I suggest that if you can't bring yourself to start the convo maybe you could write some of the things down and then explain your predicament and give the paper to your psychologist and then they can sort of start the conversation. Is that silly?

I think this is a great suggestion STP. I've also send stuff by email before my session.

 

[Andy]

Re: holding back

Oh good!
I have written things down before as well but I didn't know if that was just me being a weirdo!

 

[Jazzey]

Re: holding back

Oh good!
I have written things down before as well but I didn't know if that was just me being a weirdo!

...Nothing weird about it STP. In fact, I think it's great because it helps us get it out there. I've done the paper thing too. And I know that my psychologist thanked me when I sent her something via email. It enabled her to know what I was thinking at the time. A pretty big piece of the puzzle that I hadn't been able to share during therapy.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: holding back

Hi philips yes I think this is very usual. I too have alot of trouble opening up but it is necessary for the therapist to help you fully. Your therapist is not there to judge you but to work with you so I don't think his or her opinion will change. If anything it will show you have trust in this person best wishes mary

 

[tjgrahamcracker]

I have also felt this way with my therapist who I've been seeing for about 3 months or so.

At first I was worried some things would never come up, but for me I feel like it is a matter of time before I unconciously initiate the conversation. I guess I am becoming more and more comfortable with the arrangement and it's becoming easier for me to share things I was afraid to share with other people in my life.(Or they just didn't want to listen :/)

I think writing it down can help too! There was some things I wrote down for therapy that I couldn't get the courage up to share. But my therapist offered to read it out loud for me, and sharing was a great experience for me.

Good luck Phillips!

 

[philips]

thanks for all of your supportive comments and suggestions - I have an appointment in the morning so I'll see how it goes.:cheers:

 

[philips]

Well I didn't manage to say the things I wanted to but I have an appointment this week so I am going to really try this time. I've been really low lately and nothing seems to lift my mood so I guess it won't hurt to try - at least, it won't hurt any more than it already does! I'm going to write down the things I want to talk about and take it with me.

I feel I need to get these feelings "out there" as I don't think I'm moving forward any more - in fact I've been so low recently I've even had suicidal thoughts (but definitely NOT any suicidal behaviour or plans - that just aint me!).

I'll come back and let you know if it was worthwhile - maybe others might like to hear?

Thanks for listening.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Phillips. Nice to 'see' you again.

Sorry to hear you are feeling low, but I am glad you are so willing to continue to give the therapy time to help.

For sure, let us know how things go tomorrow.

Again, nice to see you. :support:

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Philips I am glad you are going back to see your doctor. I think your doing the right thing writing important issues down so you can bring them up at next meeting. Good for you. Definetly let us know how things go okay and im sorry your feeling so low now. I know how that feels but talking it out with your doctor letting your therapist know how low your feeling, Your therapist will be able to help you work through those feelings okay. Take care mary.

 

[Into The Light]

sounds like a good idea to write those things down and bring them with you. i'll keep my fingers crossed for you you'll be able to say what you want to say.

also should the suicidal ideation get worse the best thing to do is to talk about it with your therapist. keeping those thoughts in won't make them go away. talking about them will diffuse some of their power and it also allows you to get support and help with them. for me talking about them, as hard as it was, was helpful and made me feel less isolated.

 

[Ryan Howes]

Hi Philips-

It shows courage to try taking the step of disclosing sensitive information. It is one of the hardest parts of therapy. There are two elements that make it difficult, in my experience. First, the client is concerned that the therapist will be shocked or rejecting, or that the new information will disrupt the flow. But I assure you, as others have said, most therapists are trained to listen and understand and are prepared to hear just about anything a client has to say. We expect difficult issues, that's why we chose this work.

I've found that an equally challenging obstacle is the issue becomes more "real" when the client actually says it. The abuse, the pain or the secrets move from the safety of personal memory and become a current issue needing to be addressed. A lot of issues seem more powerful (at first) when you speak them aloud. But that's what this healing relationship is for. The time spent building trust is helpful insofar as it allows people to share their deep struggles.

There might be a middle step. Sometimes clients will let me know they have something to tell me, but they aren't comfortable sharing it quite yet. Instead of diving right into the issue, I'll ask them to share what scares them about sharing it. We might spend several sessions talking about what makes them afraid to share their secret: how they fear my response, how they've been rejected in the past, what their fantasies are about what happens after they say it. Once we've explored all the possibilities, talking about their issue isn't nearly as scary.

Best wishes to you, Philips.

 

[philips]

well, i did it and I feel soooo much better for it. I'll explain more later...

 

[NicNak]

I am glad you feel better Phillips. Isn't a great feeling to get some of those things out into the open? Especially when now you know you are safe with your Therapist. It will allow you comfort to open up again.

I am proud of you Phillips!