i've been feeling blue again and not wanting to do the work to make myself feel better. thoughts go through my head that this is just a part of me, that i've been unhappy for most of my life, and that this is how it'll be. i've gotten comfortable being back to feeling low-grade unhappiness. i don't want to change. it's like i want to be unhappy. i am choosing to be unhappy. how does this make sense?