Hi,
To try and be brief - my mother is extremely narcisstic - physically and verbally abusive - and child neglect to a point that would be criminal now. But, somehow, although I knew it intellectually - I didn't really ever feel anything about it. Mild anger and wishing that just for once, something could be about me, instead of her.
But 1.5 years ago - my younger brother shot himself. He died without ever being conscious again. He did leave a note, saying his life had always been a train wreck and this was his choice.
But - oh I blame my mother. My brother was given food, clothing and shelter -but I don't think either parent gave him 5 minutes of attention in his entire life. A lot of his adult life was spent in jail.
And I blame her, I blame her, I blame her. She'd told horrendous lies about him and hadn't talked to him in 7 years. He & I were close and I loved him.
So, at the age of 50 I'm suddenly awake, and angry and sad - and frustrated at how our lives could have/should have been - and what they are.
I've confronted her by phone - when I brought up the physical abuse - she said "No, that didn't happen. You're suffering from false memory syndrome".
When I told her both of my brothers had the same memories, she hung up on me.
I want revenge, I want to drag her into court - I want to leave her penniless and most of all - I want everybody she knows to hear just exactly what kind of parent she was ( my father was just rarely home, long distance trucker).
She's 74, but there is nothing "elderly" about her - she's as self-centered as she ever was and she will go to her grave denying she did anything wrong. She says I'm a "spoilt brat" - I'm 50 years old and that's all she can think of to say.
What's wrong wtih honest to god revenge? Why can't I pinch her, beat her, humiliate her? People think I'm awful for contemplating such a thing - but don't they get it? That's what she did. And that's only scratching the surface. I understand that she's probably always been mentally ill - but she knew right from wrong. Why won't she apologize?
The only thing that keeps me from phoning every relative I've go and exposing her - is I worry that they'll just think I'm overacting. But public humiliation is the only thing that would really bother her.
I know I have to get over this - but how?
To try and be brief - my mother is extremely narcisstic - physically and verbally abusive - and child neglect to a point that would be criminal now. But, somehow, although I knew it intellectually - I didn't really ever feel anything about it. Mild anger and wishing that just for once, something could be about me, instead of her.
But 1.5 years ago - my younger brother shot himself. He died without ever being conscious again. He did leave a note, saying his life had always been a train wreck and this was his choice.
But - oh I blame my mother. My brother was given food, clothing and shelter -but I don't think either parent gave him 5 minutes of attention in his entire life. A lot of his adult life was spent in jail.
And I blame her, I blame her, I blame her. She'd told horrendous lies about him and hadn't talked to him in 7 years. He & I were close and I loved him.
So, at the age of 50 I'm suddenly awake, and angry and sad - and frustrated at how our lives could have/should have been - and what they are.
I've confronted her by phone - when I brought up the physical abuse - she said "No, that didn't happen. You're suffering from false memory syndrome".
When I told her both of my brothers had the same memories, she hung up on me.
I want revenge, I want to drag her into court - I want to leave her penniless and most of all - I want everybody she knows to hear just exactly what kind of parent she was ( my father was just rarely home, long distance trucker).
She's 74, but there is nothing "elderly" about her - she's as self-centered as she ever was and she will go to her grave denying she did anything wrong. She says I'm a "spoilt brat" - I'm 50 years old and that's all she can think of to say.
What's wrong wtih honest to god revenge? Why can't I pinch her, beat her, humiliate her? People think I'm awful for contemplating such a thing - but don't they get it? That's what she did. And that's only scratching the surface. I understand that she's probably always been mentally ill - but she knew right from wrong. Why won't she apologize?
The only thing that keeps me from phoning every relative I've go and exposing her - is I worry that they'll just think I'm overacting. But public humiliation is the only thing that would really bother her.
I know I have to get over this - but how?