Into The Light
MVP
I've got something i think i need to grieve. the trouble is, i don't know how. i know i need to but somehow i just can't face it. I've been carrying on the last few weeks like life's fine and I'm alright. i do feel alright actually. but today for the first time in a long while i felt sad.
I'm kind of stuck with my situation right now. i don't feel like i can move forward. i can't look at photos of happier times, just can't bring myself to do it. even though i feel pretty good most of the time now.
i want to move on but at the same time i don't. somehow i can't let go of my pain. if i let myself feel it it means i am accepting it. if i accept the pain, it means i accept what has happened. and somehow i just can't. i just keep fighting against acceptance. i think acceptance means admitting to myself what i have lost. it feels like acceptance will lead to much more pain than what i have been feeling. it will make my loss reality.
not sure if anyone can follow what i just wrote. i don't know how else to describe it.
i have just spent 2 years of fighting against my loss. i just can't seem to give up. fighting against the change that came into my life that i did not want but that happened anyway. i just keep fighting against it all. as long as i fight things then maybe i haven't really lost what i have lost. I'm just hanging on to the past. I'm afraid of the pain i will feel if i let go. i don't know how to let go.
I'm kind of stuck with my situation right now. i don't feel like i can move forward. i can't look at photos of happier times, just can't bring myself to do it. even though i feel pretty good most of the time now.
i want to move on but at the same time i don't. somehow i can't let go of my pain. if i let myself feel it it means i am accepting it. if i accept the pain, it means i accept what has happened. and somehow i just can't. i just keep fighting against acceptance. i think acceptance means admitting to myself what i have lost. it feels like acceptance will lead to much more pain than what i have been feeling. it will make my loss reality.
not sure if anyone can follow what i just wrote. i don't know how else to describe it.
i have just spent 2 years of fighting against my loss. i just can't seem to give up. fighting against the change that came into my life that i did not want but that happened anyway. i just keep fighting against it all. as long as i fight things then maybe i haven't really lost what i have lost. I'm just hanging on to the past. I'm afraid of the pain i will feel if i let go. i don't know how to let go.