How to Think Like The Ultimate “Party Pooper”
by Amy Horowitz, M.S.
The Albert Ellis Institute blog
A good friend of mine attended a small liberal arts college with a student population totaling just under 2,000 people. Years ago she told me an unfortunate story from her Freshman year, about a girl who had attended her school. Recently, while working with clients who “awfulize” and state that situations are “too uncomfortable” for them to cope with, I was reminded of this tale. As the story goes, during the first weeks of college, a Freshman female (who of course will remain nameless) got herself so obliterated on alcohol (and who knows what other damaging substance), that she squatted to the floor and defecated in a dorm room with over 20 other individuals standing nearby to watch the event. Now, as many of you reading may be disgusted by this account, there is a purpose to telling this unfortunate story. This very girl, in this very tiny college (where most everyone knew everyone by at least face) remained there for the following 3 ? years!!! Of course if that happened to most of us or our friends, the embarrassment, the shame and the unwanted notoriety, might influence that person to get the hell out of that incredibly uncomfortable situation as soon as possible. However, that girl remained! And one has to ask, not necessarily why, but how, and more importantly with relationship to REBT, what was she thinking that enabled this young lady to work through this discomfort and go on to have a presumably fulfilling college experience. Well since I’ve never asked her that question, I cannot be sure of her response. Nevertheless, one can assume that at first she was very upset, but that she did not continue to tell herself dysfunctional thoughts such as “This is awful. This is too uncomfortable, I can’t stand to be judged for another second, and because I did this my college career is over.” Those thoughts, while perhaps typical, are not functional or accurate. I know this because while it may have been humiliating, she did stand it. She did not implode during any of her days at college, and she went on to finish her education. Therefore, while typical for most, none of those first irrational beliefs are in fact true!
The reason that I bring this story up is not just for shock value. I tell this story because when I told my colleagues about this, they were so stunned by the incident described as well as its lessons that they shared it with a few of their socially anxious clients who were prone to “awfulizing.” I believe that due to the repulsive details and the surprising conclusion, this is a story that sticks in the memory (perhaps against our will) and works counter to most individual’s typical, yet irrational beliefs. These therapists reported that this story was helpful to patients to see that often their own situations, which previously were deemed to be awful, actually paled in comparison with the “poop” incident and helped them to put their own issues in healthy comparison. Moreover, I think that we, as human beings, forget that despite how awful some of our own anxieties may seem, humans are capable of living and surviving through some of the most devastating events of history, natural disasters, genocides, and famines. This is not intended to trivialize a client’s painful experience, but to point out that some events that may be debatably “awful” have survivors and individuals who not only continue onwards, but some are able to eventually thrive. Therefore, my goal is to point out that defecating on the floor in front of a group of your peers, friends, strangers, and colleges, is of course not desirable, but survivable, and most importantly NOT AWFUL! So let us not emulate this “party pooper’s” substance misuse, but instead hold her as a model of rational thinking and extreme high frustration tolerance for the uncomfortable.
by Amy Horowitz, M.S.
The Albert Ellis Institute blog
A good friend of mine attended a small liberal arts college with a student population totaling just under 2,000 people. Years ago she told me an unfortunate story from her Freshman year, about a girl who had attended her school. Recently, while working with clients who “awfulize” and state that situations are “too uncomfortable” for them to cope with, I was reminded of this tale. As the story goes, during the first weeks of college, a Freshman female (who of course will remain nameless) got herself so obliterated on alcohol (and who knows what other damaging substance), that she squatted to the floor and defecated in a dorm room with over 20 other individuals standing nearby to watch the event. Now, as many of you reading may be disgusted by this account, there is a purpose to telling this unfortunate story. This very girl, in this very tiny college (where most everyone knew everyone by at least face) remained there for the following 3 ? years!!! Of course if that happened to most of us or our friends, the embarrassment, the shame and the unwanted notoriety, might influence that person to get the hell out of that incredibly uncomfortable situation as soon as possible. However, that girl remained! And one has to ask, not necessarily why, but how, and more importantly with relationship to REBT, what was she thinking that enabled this young lady to work through this discomfort and go on to have a presumably fulfilling college experience. Well since I’ve never asked her that question, I cannot be sure of her response. Nevertheless, one can assume that at first she was very upset, but that she did not continue to tell herself dysfunctional thoughts such as “This is awful. This is too uncomfortable, I can’t stand to be judged for another second, and because I did this my college career is over.” Those thoughts, while perhaps typical, are not functional or accurate. I know this because while it may have been humiliating, she did stand it. She did not implode during any of her days at college, and she went on to finish her education. Therefore, while typical for most, none of those first irrational beliefs are in fact true!
The reason that I bring this story up is not just for shock value. I tell this story because when I told my colleagues about this, they were so stunned by the incident described as well as its lessons that they shared it with a few of their socially anxious clients who were prone to “awfulizing.” I believe that due to the repulsive details and the surprising conclusion, this is a story that sticks in the memory (perhaps against our will) and works counter to most individual’s typical, yet irrational beliefs. These therapists reported that this story was helpful to patients to see that often their own situations, which previously were deemed to be awful, actually paled in comparison with the “poop” incident and helped them to put their own issues in healthy comparison. Moreover, I think that we, as human beings, forget that despite how awful some of our own anxieties may seem, humans are capable of living and surviving through some of the most devastating events of history, natural disasters, genocides, and famines. This is not intended to trivialize a client’s painful experience, but to point out that some events that may be debatably “awful” have survivors and individuals who not only continue onwards, but some are able to eventually thrive. Therefore, my goal is to point out that defecating on the floor in front of a group of your peers, friends, strangers, and colleges, is of course not desirable, but survivable, and most importantly NOT AWFUL! So let us not emulate this “party pooper’s” substance misuse, but instead hold her as a model of rational thinking and extreme high frustration tolerance for the uncomfortable.
