I have a brokenhearted friend

[fairfax]

okay...i have this friend who is quite very interested with his close guy friend but unfortunately the feelings aren't mutual. i can't really say if this is love or she just likes him very much. but all i know is that she was hurt and all that.

and so she decides to move on and forget the feeling but she isn't there yet.
the problem is when we chat online, our usual topic is about that issue the guy.
Do you think it helps her talking about it or is it just making hard for her to forget?

i actually don't know what advice to give her. Another thing, they are close friends even before. The guy is kind of problematic person and maybe insecurity issues for sometime now but he is somewhat going to his better self now, and my friend is there to support him.

I don't know,... it will surely be easier for my friend to forget if he isn't around (not physically though, they're also just chatting online, if that helps)

what should i tell her?

 

[Lana]

Re: i have a brokenhearted friend

I think talking about a heartbreak helps the person. Consider this: psychology is all about talk therapy: we talk, we put what happened into context that makes sense, we discuss various parts until they fall into their place and so on. So really, your listening to your friend and giving her space and time is probably all you could do. I don't think she's asking you to fix it...she just needs someone she trusts to let her get it out of her system. You're a good friend.

As for keeping ties with the guy: I don't know about that so I'm hoping that other forum memebers will add to this. Personally, it's been easier for me to cut all ties completely then deal with my emotions. I find that if I keep relationships going it prevents me from dealing with things and just hurts me more because there is some hope that things will change. But again, that's just me. I know people who keep the friendships and that works for them also. That's a subjective thing and I wouldn't necessarily do anything about it. Whatever works...

 

[begonia]

Re: Keeping ties. I agree with Lana that everybody is different. But if he's the one who wants to be "just friends," she might be hanging on in case things change since she's the one who wanted to have the deeper relationship. Again, only your friend can tell, and it probably doesn't matter what you tell her, she will do what makes sense to her. As her friend, you can only stand by, listen, and be a friend. In my experience, I've found that even if someone asks (as a friend) for advice that doesn't mean that they will or should take it. Don't feel that you can somehow come up with the magic words to solve her problems. I think that the best thing a friend can do is to listen.

 

[fairfax]

well, yeah that's what i'm trying to do, let her open up whatever she wants to say.

okay. i'm more at ease now.:cool2:
you see, i'm no good about this relationship issues.
but, how would you know if a person has already moved on?

 

[begonia]

I guess you're asking how would you know if your friend has moved on. She may say that she has, but you'll just have to wait and see.