kelsischanging
Member
I lost it...I had gone five months with out cutting and now just like that it's gone....I was just so depressed-so manic,then back to depressed...I wasn't sleeping my thoughts were scattered I was on the edge of a nervous break down...I just couldn't hang on any long....I wanted to do enough coke to blow my brains out but I felt like cutting was the less of two evils...I don't feel suicidal but I really don't want to live...like I would be fine if a MACK truck hit me or I just want to go to sleep and not wake up...i read somewhere that I was passively suicidal...I'm not sure if that's right or not....I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm like I don't think I should tell him I cut again...I don't want to tell anyone I know that I cut again...not my guidance counselor(who i meet with on tuesday), not my sponser(who i talk to everyday), not my best friend (who i also call every day), and not my therapist who I have been seeing for three years (i see him on friday)...the reason I don't want to tell them is simple....I don't want to disappoint them
...I have two basic fears 1)loosing control and 2)disappointing people...even as I write this I feel like I am disappointing everyone on this website
....Thursday was the first day I cut and now I have been cutting every day....I don't know what to do...I don't have the strength to stop or get rid of all my stuff or tell anyone (except this site)...I don't know how to get any little bit of hope back...I don't know what to do...i really don't...i feel lost ![Crying :cry: :cry:](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
sorry for being so negitive I really don't like to just sit and complain.....but I just don't know how to help myself![Crying :cry: :cry:](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
sorry for being so negitive I really don't like to just sit and complain.....but I just don't know how to help myself