I made a mistake at work........

[adaptive1]

I work in an office, very closely with a manager and I guess I made the mistake of assuming I could trust her because we work together so closely. I found out yesterday that a lot of the things I had been telling her were being shared with other people and then today I found out that something else I told someone in an off the record conversation got repeated as well. In reality, I can't be mad at them, it was me that was stupid and trusted co-workers and assumed them to be people I could confide in because I work with them so closely, but I guess they have their own agendas. I mean I could confront them, but they will just deny it or else go back to the person that told me and that might make it worse. I am beating myself up for now I look unprofessional and I am ashamed now of what I said because it isn't really how I feel, it was an off the cuff remark. I have learned my lesson, but I feel so stupid and I have only myself to blame. I have no way of knowing how much of my conversations have been shared and with who.

I am just venting I guess, trying to decide if I should look for another job, I have to keep my mouth shut at work from now on. I am paranoid to comment on anything now or think I should keep to myself at work, I could make the most benign comment and I have to worry about it being repeated, is it time for me to move on?

 

[white page]

Hi Adaptive ,
How very betrayed you must be feeling , I think most people have this kind of experience at some time or another at work , and it so much like a slap in the face when we realize that normal human relations don't seem to always apply in the work place . As you say people have other agendas , promotion , rivalry etc. This does not excuse for one minute this breach of confidence .
If you were thinking of changing your job before this happened , then why not use this as an extra motivation factor , if not I think it would be a good idea to talk very calmly to your colleague about this , saying that your conversations had been private and that you are disappointed to learn that in fact she had not realised this .
The positive thing is , now you know who you can trust .
Incidentaly how did you find out , was it a friendly colleague ?
good luck white page

 

[Into The Light]

that sounds awful. i do think you can be mad at them actually. obviously because of the nature of the information they should have known these weren't things you would have wanted repeated. i would be angry too!

i would, if you have the energy, talk to them about it in a matter of fact way. as white page said, tell them you were speaking to them in confidence and that you are not happy that what you've said has been repeated to others.

i find when addressing things with people in a calm, matter of fact way it is the most effective, rather than getting emotional (be it angry or crying or whatever). they may actually realize then that what they did was wrong.


that being said i can understand if this would be a bit much for you to take on right now.

 

[adaptive1]

You guys are so kind, especially when I feel really it's my mistake, I can be as mad at them as possible, but if I hadn't of said the things I said I wouldnt have to worry about this now. I found out because the manager had a fight with some one at work and I guess to get back at her he called and politiely told me to watch my back and that everything I told her she was telling other people. Clearly he had an agenda and I am not being any part of that, but he gave me some examples so I knew it was true. So, the lesson is to keep my mouth shut, even a seemingly innocent remark can come back and haunt you. I don't want to be an unkind person or the kind of person that gossips, to think how my remarks could possibly hurt someone bothers me, especially when I wasn't trying to be that way, I just was venting one day. I guess I could confront the mgr- but I hate confrontation and she will deny it all anyway. And I dont want to be part of the drama.

Anyway, its just a small problem compared to a lot of things, I guess I just want to be a better person, not a negative one.

 

[NicNak]

I understand the delema. I hate confrontation as well.

That seems to be to be quite unprofessional of your manager to have said anything. Management should be there to assist and listen to employee related issues in confidence. What if it had been something about the other employee doing something against company policy? Would she have told people about it then? I think it is quite unprofessional of your manager to have revealed what you said to others.

I am sorry that you had this happen to you.