Hi,
I'm an HSP, and an intuitive Empath. I've been able to walk into a room and sense what people are feeling, when I'm grounded, and sure of myself, I radiate positive energy....I have an ability to draw people to me. Now, I also believe that I have an attachment/insecurity/fear of abandonment disorder. My parents separated when I was very young, all my life I've lived with this feeling of inadequacy. Even though I'm told I'm very attractive, and I have many talents, cooking, singing, writing, and playing music. Also, at the age of 8 I ended up losing my step-father to an impaired driver...he got hit and died. At 11, I ended up losing my aunt/godmother, and at 20 I lost my mom to cancer. So for the first 20 years of my life I was taken care of, and taking care of my mom. After her death, I didn't want to burden anyone with that loss...therefore I opted to stay away from relationships for a good two years. While I was away for Easter visiting family out of town, my first girlfriend ended up getting raped, that ended shortly thereafter. After losing my mom, the next girlfriend I had was super jealous and manipulative....I was basically whipped...since then I've been scared to get into relationships. Years later I met another girl, things were good....but because she thought I wasn't getting any sexual satisfaction with her (which I was) she freaked out on me.. and almost gave me a complex. Next...I decided to risk dating my best friend at the time...though things were going well... and was happy with her....my insecurities began to come out...she was pushing me away, and I guess at the same time I was doing the same. I don't know if it is because I'm an empath..and I literally "feel" other peoples feelings. So was it my feelings of insecurity or abandonment or hers, or both? She kept questioning me whether or not I was going to leave her.. I always told her no... she did have anxiety problems.. and I was doing my best to reassure her. But...I guess at one point.. I lost my patience... I began to feel like there was no hope of things getting better ...and so I ended things prematurely. Now..after that loss, I thought I was able to cope..but I was clearly lying to myself...I began consuming more drugs, making stupid purchases, and I began having random sex (which is something I don't enjoy doing.) Needless to say... I ruined any chance of being able to get back together with her...but after two years....I'm still hurting. I'm wanting to seek help...because I know that if I don't resolve these issues...I won't be able to have a fulfilling relationship and life, and if this sadness continues....or doesn't resolve...I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm an HSP, and an intuitive Empath. I've been able to walk into a room and sense what people are feeling, when I'm grounded, and sure of myself, I radiate positive energy....I have an ability to draw people to me. Now, I also believe that I have an attachment/insecurity/fear of abandonment disorder. My parents separated when I was very young, all my life I've lived with this feeling of inadequacy. Even though I'm told I'm very attractive, and I have many talents, cooking, singing, writing, and playing music. Also, at the age of 8 I ended up losing my step-father to an impaired driver...he got hit and died. At 11, I ended up losing my aunt/godmother, and at 20 I lost my mom to cancer. So for the first 20 years of my life I was taken care of, and taking care of my mom. After her death, I didn't want to burden anyone with that loss...therefore I opted to stay away from relationships for a good two years. While I was away for Easter visiting family out of town, my first girlfriend ended up getting raped, that ended shortly thereafter. After losing my mom, the next girlfriend I had was super jealous and manipulative....I was basically whipped...since then I've been scared to get into relationships. Years later I met another girl, things were good....but because she thought I wasn't getting any sexual satisfaction with her (which I was) she freaked out on me.. and almost gave me a complex. Next...I decided to risk dating my best friend at the time...though things were going well... and was happy with her....my insecurities began to come out...she was pushing me away, and I guess at the same time I was doing the same. I don't know if it is because I'm an empath..and I literally "feel" other peoples feelings. So was it my feelings of insecurity or abandonment or hers, or both? She kept questioning me whether or not I was going to leave her.. I always told her no... she did have anxiety problems.. and I was doing my best to reassure her. But...I guess at one point.. I lost my patience... I began to feel like there was no hope of things getting better ...and so I ended things prematurely. Now..after that loss, I thought I was able to cope..but I was clearly lying to myself...I began consuming more drugs, making stupid purchases, and I began having random sex (which is something I don't enjoy doing.) Needless to say... I ruined any chance of being able to get back together with her...but after two years....I'm still hurting. I'm wanting to seek help...because I know that if I don't resolve these issues...I won't be able to have a fulfilling relationship and life, and if this sadness continues....or doesn't resolve...I don't know what I'm going to do.
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