When I was younger I had a lot of problems with abandonment, I was afraid of being separated from my family members, but I was also afraid of being with them. I was 5 years old when I started having "night terrors" and "hallucinations" wherein I felt like I was being watched and surrounded by this monster at all times. I wouldn't eat or sleep or go to school. I was in kindergarden at them time. I remember disctinctly being in the doctor's office and begging to not being left alone because I knew the monster was under my chair, and I knew that I was the only one who could see him but he was real.
When I was a child growing up, I was overweight and lifeless. I spent a lot of time sitting in a room full of people (I didn't like being alone) but completely ignoring them, just living in fantasy in my head. I was teased a bit in elementary, so I learned to detach completely, I was emotionally empty. I had bad anxiety and would have frequent panic attacks everytime I was stressed or pressured or put in a situation where I would have to be with other kids alone or do something new. I didn't like to sleepover at people's houses. I remember having periods of time where I acted a little like a maniac, for example, I would laugh hysterically for twenty minutes straight, and jump around. I also remember lying constantly.
Later on in my teens it became very bad. I was treated for anxiety when I was in my early teens because I stopped being able to function and I at first refused to go to school anymore, and then after refused to leave my house. I stopped eating completely, I lost about 40 pounds over the course of a few months. I would self-injure. I have scars all up and down my thighs and legs from this. I was put on medication, which didn't seem to help, even though they would raise the dosage each time I went to the psychiatrist. I didn't trust the psychiatrist and would often lie. They put me with an art therapist who I also lied to. I would have periods where I felt like another force was pushing me to speak and chatter, and I couldn't control the things that were coming out of my mouth and they were mostly fabrications. I started skipping school and having outbursts and being unable to control my laughter or talking. I stopped taking the meds and began doing illegal drugs. Shrooms, Marijuana, Ecstasy, Speed, Morphine, Benzos, Cocaine, alcohol. The funny thing is, most of these drugs didn't have any effect. (Ie: ecstasy, shrooms, cocaine (it had a small effect, but no euphoria.) I stopped doing these illegal drugs when I realized they didn't make me feel better and that's when "the fog" began. (As far as I can remember.)
I feel like this fog takes over my mind and it's hard to function, it can last for weeks, even a month. The worse it gets I am not able to understand what people are saying to me and it's even hard for me to speak at all. I have a hardtime determining space and even getting through doorways because this fog blocks everything. I cannot read - nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think that is more than anxiety. Can anyone help me?
When I was a child growing up, I was overweight and lifeless. I spent a lot of time sitting in a room full of people (I didn't like being alone) but completely ignoring them, just living in fantasy in my head. I was teased a bit in elementary, so I learned to detach completely, I was emotionally empty. I had bad anxiety and would have frequent panic attacks everytime I was stressed or pressured or put in a situation where I would have to be with other kids alone or do something new. I didn't like to sleepover at people's houses. I remember having periods of time where I acted a little like a maniac, for example, I would laugh hysterically for twenty minutes straight, and jump around. I also remember lying constantly.
Later on in my teens it became very bad. I was treated for anxiety when I was in my early teens because I stopped being able to function and I at first refused to go to school anymore, and then after refused to leave my house. I stopped eating completely, I lost about 40 pounds over the course of a few months. I would self-injure. I have scars all up and down my thighs and legs from this. I was put on medication, which didn't seem to help, even though they would raise the dosage each time I went to the psychiatrist. I didn't trust the psychiatrist and would often lie. They put me with an art therapist who I also lied to. I would have periods where I felt like another force was pushing me to speak and chatter, and I couldn't control the things that were coming out of my mouth and they were mostly fabrications. I started skipping school and having outbursts and being unable to control my laughter or talking. I stopped taking the meds and began doing illegal drugs. Shrooms, Marijuana, Ecstasy, Speed, Morphine, Benzos, Cocaine, alcohol. The funny thing is, most of these drugs didn't have any effect. (Ie: ecstasy, shrooms, cocaine (it had a small effect, but no euphoria.) I stopped doing these illegal drugs when I realized they didn't make me feel better and that's when "the fog" began. (As far as I can remember.)
I feel like this fog takes over my mind and it's hard to function, it can last for weeks, even a month. The worse it gets I am not able to understand what people are saying to me and it's even hard for me to speak at all. I have a hardtime determining space and even getting through doorways because this fog blocks everything. I cannot read - nothing. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think that is more than anxiety. Can anyone help me?
