I want to break free from PTSD

[NightOwl]

I'm so fed up of living in my own created plastic bubble, avoiding every trigger and anything that causes anxiety / panic attack. I feel free and safe in my own World, where I have security to protect me and it's a World I can feel normal and function in, but it's a false World when I step out of the door and have to deal with the outside World. I find myself fighting panic attacks and fear.

I have studied as much as I can to overcome this problem, and I am truly working towards it, and making progress, but it seems so slow at times. The nightmares and flashbacks don't help while I am trying to get myself together. I just feel so tired and shattered at times. I feel I've got to put on a false smile at times because people that have never gone through anything like this don't understand, and why should they because they don't know what happened; explanation - I was ra*ed. But I'm so terrified of having a panic attack in the middle of a crowded shop.

I carry healing stones in my pocket that I carry around with me to help me ground. If anyone has found any ideas they've found useful to deal with panic / anxiety attacks, I'd be very grateful for any help. I still live in fear as he still has not been convicted and I constantly find myself looking over my shoulder. :tearyeyed:

NightOwl

 

[ladylore]

Hi NightOwl,
I have PTSD too and it can be challenging at times. Here are a few things that may help you. Some you may already know but still are good reminders.

Three Minutes to Stress Relief
A technique to reduce anxiety
Grounding Exercise
Triggers, flashbacks, tips for survivors

 

[NightOwl]

Thank you so much Ladylore for your reply, I'll look down those links. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through PTSD yourself, it can be hellish to live with. I was once a very successful business woman with all the confidence in the World and I would love to get back to being that woman again. I'm determined to get there, but it seems so slow at times.

Just recently I read in the paper that another woman had been attacked and killed reasonably near to where I was attacked; it probably wasn't the same man responsible but I don't know. It unnerved me and set me on edge again.

NightOwl

 

[Dolphin]

Hi NightOwl,


Seems we are battling some of the same issues. I think it's awesome that you are taking this head on, as far as you can. Hopefully your nightmares and flashbacks will get less so you can feel strong again.

Dolphin

 

[NightOwl]

Thank you so much Dolphin, we can all work this one out together, we are stronger than the people who have caused us to have to cope with PTSD. They were the weak ones that felt they could attack the innocent, we are the strong ones that have survived.

Linking hands with fellow survivors. :dimples:

NightOwl

 

[ladylore]

I worked in the violence prevention field for years. What happened to you wasn't your fault -probably already know that but I thought I would tell you one more time.

It may be in another post - but are you seeing a counsellor? The number for the sexual assault centre is usually on the inside front cover of the phone book. It really doesn't matter how much time has alapsed - you can seek counselling at any time.

You may or may not be able to reclaim what you lost because of the sexual assault but you may have also gained some new strengths despite of what happened.

Take gentle care of yourself.

 

[NightOwl]

I don't feel it was my fault, but I do feel stupid to have ignored obvious warning signs, he was an employee of mine, I should have known better; I was just too busy and didn't take enough notice.

After I reported it, I had a lot of help from Rape Crisis; they've told me I can call them if I need more help but it's dealing with the long term effects now. I've been looking into trying to get some therapy but just a bit apprehensive as to how good they will be and what emotions it will stir up.

I once saw a grief therapist after I lost my father but she just made me cry and feel worse by asking me how I got over the time that I lost my mother; I didn't need those sad memories - I just ran home with tears in my eyes. I learned some cognitive skills from books to help me get over my grief. I've now turned to some of those skills I learned then to help me get over my PTSD but it seems such an uphill struggle at times. I have talked to the Doctor and contacted some councillors and am waiting to hear back. Also I am talking to a doctor next week.

Thank you so much for your reply. I am a strong person and appreciate this forum very much. :thankyou:

NightOwl