I want to show my therapist some of my writing - Should I?

[haunting]

I hope I am not posting too much about this. Don't want to be a hog; lolol.

I write alot about memories, put things into poetry. It tends to be dark poetry but its very real for me. I have a journal of my writing. Some poetry and some are real stories about truamatic events.

Anyway, I would really like to tell my t about these events as they are really grabbing a hold of me right now. We did discuss the reasons why everything seems to be "flashing back" all at once. But I was not able to go into any detail although I wanted to so badly. I feel like if I don't get some of this out I am going to start to seep through the head (that sounds stupid, but I think you get the drift).

What I would like to ask is::: how do I ask him to read a couple of stories. Do I just hand him my journal and ask him to read this?? Personally, I don't think I would be able to read it. I can see myself just falling apart and not being able to speak. Then that just agravates me to no end cause I feel ashamed that I can't even read something I have written. But I would like him to be able to read this so we can talk about it without me having to have to bring these issues up. I can express myself well in writing but have a hard time just all of a sudden bringing it up in discussion.

I have noticed that I have been very angry lately. With all of the memories and nightmares I am experiencing at this time, this angry person is with me all of the time. I want to be able to talk about it so that maybe it won't be so hard when I feel like harming myself because of it. So with being able to share some of this I am hopeful that these urges could possibly ease up some so I can function better. I feel like a feather could push me over right now....so close to falling. But there is time to prevent this fall if I only knew how.

So does anyone have any ideas on this one? Does anyone else share writings, poetry, songs...etc with a counselor??

Thanks for taking the time in reading this. Looking forward to some suggestions.

Haunting

 

[Lana]

I want to show my t some of my writing???? should I

Hi Haunting;

When I was working with my doctor on my past, not having anyone to talk to, I wrote. A lot. Most of my papers were somewhat clinical due to the amount of research I've done. But there were few that were pure raw emotion spilled into letters on the paper. It was heart wrenching to write, or read for that matter. Through sessions, I would get memory flashes, things I remembered from my past (past that is still rather dark due to inability to remember). While it was difficult to remember and face the memories and emotions that ensued, I wrote them down. I didn't want to forget them, for no matter how painful they were, it was better then not remembering at all. But more importantly, I didn't want to forget and remember again, I was ready and wanted to deal with it. So, I wrote. It was my own kind of therapy.

One session, I unconsciously made a passing comment, oh you should see the stuff I wrote, it's hard. She surprised me by saying she'd like to. I blinked and asked, like what? immediately realizing I had offered it. It took me about a month to get the writings printed for her. She never asked for them again, but every time I wrote, I remembered. I was scared, vulnerable, and defensive, all at the same time. I even considered altering the writings, or creating new ones. But I didn't do that. Reason was simple: this person wanted to see me, uncovered, to help me help myself. And I felt that hiding that from her would really amount to hiding from myself.

I gave some of them to her. She opened up that fat envelope and read the pages, nodding softly. We then talked about some things I wrote about and it was quite liberating. Sometimes I wonder if that alone propel me forward to a better healthier me. In any event, I think it's a good idea and it would help both you and the therapist working with you.

 

[haunting]

I want to show my t some of my writing???? should I

Lana, thats a courageous story and I thank you for sharing this. You sound like you have spent many hours writing and I am glad that its helped you too.

I don't think I want to forget this either. As you said you did not want to forget then remember then later on. Which is true. And I have shoved them so many times but damn they come back. And it gets harder to cope with everytime they smack me in the face over and over. I am not good at the quote thing--that button does not like me; lolol--but... I also really liked what you said with this: "And I felt that hiding that from her would really amount to hiding from myself." This seems to hold so true for many. Cause in reality your right. The longer I hide this, the longer I will suffer for. And we all know it sucks to feel so helpless, depressed and down right miserable. These memories hold me at the spot I am in so I want to free them, maybe in the long run I will feel like I have also been set free.

Thanks for your story. I will take in my writing and we shall see what happens. I know Dr. Baxter had made a suggestion to doing this. I just did not know how to ask my t to read some of this. Fear I suppose, as its important to me.

Haunting