Im angry!!

[sunset]

I am feeling a little taken advantage of here with my brother. He and his family have a van and a car, and both are constantly breaking down. I mean every week one or the other is in the shop, and that is no exageration. Problem is, since we work in the same place, I am always the one running him to and from the station, dealership or his house. Not only that, one time he actully wanted my car on break so he can go get a sandwich. No thought as to what I may be doing, or if I needed MY car..
I have made several trips and with gas prices climbing, I am starting to stew.

What put me over the edge today is I went to the supermarket for him as he needed to pick up something for dinner, so I did it for him and ran the item to his house. Then he says he is running the van home because his wife needs it, and could I pick him up? He even tells me he is leaving now, and to come and get him. So, I punch out (I hate punching a clock!) because I only have a half hour as it is. Anyway I get to his house and I am beeping the horn. After 10 minutes I am fuming and get out of the car and go ring the bell. He opend the door with a smile and I said, I have been beeping, dont you hear it? He says no, he was having lunch! I said, what do I look like your personal chaufer? I told him I was sitting out there during my lunch time too, waiting for him, and now we are late getting back and I will be docked 15 minutes of my salary, which sucks to begin with!!! He tells me to calm down, and I said I would calm down if I had a normal salary. No sweat for him since he makes good money there, but I dont.
I said , yeah the heck with what I need, or what I have to do, just as long as I am there for everyone else. He knows I am ****ed because he didnt say anything else the whole way back.
I was one minute late because of him, and yeah, I will be docked 15 minutes.

Do I have a right to be angry? I told him he owes me a tank of gas from all the running I have to do with him. He just smiled at me. I wanted to hit him.

I can barely make my bills as it is, without him and others sucking me dry of any extra cash I have. Then I am made to be the "bad" one who is being unreasonable and having a fit, then I start feeling abnormal and guilty.

I am so tired of being used!!

 

[Into The Light]

yes you do have a right to be angry. i would be angry too. i would try to talk to him after calming down first and say this is costing you personal time and money, and that you aren't willing to do this anymore. then if/when he calls you up the next time, you can say, i already let you know i don't want to do this anymore.

hope this helps.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It sounds like it's time to set some boundaries, sunset.

When my children were in their early teens, everything was last minute with them and, since we live out in the country, usually involved needing me to drive them somewhere. Finally, I set a policy of 24 hours notice, except in truly unforeseen circumstances. I discovered that with a little incentive even a 13 year old is capable of thinking ahead. But until I became frustrated enough to set the boundary, why would anyone expect them to make the effort?

 

[sunset]

Thank you both for your replies, and although its an hour later, I am still angry.
Dr B, I expect this kind of thing from a teenager, but for an adult to be so clueless, baffles me. It really does. I am just going to have to set boundaries like you said.
I run all the time it seems. This whole weekend was devoted to running, and most of it for my mother. Ok, she is older, and I understand it and want to help her out, but I get to an overload point, and then the slow boil starts.

I have told my brother countless times to stop dumping money into a lemon, but apparently its no big deal since I can run him back and forth. I am going to tell him to make other arrangements since he has so little concern for my time and the money its costs ME to run him all over the place. You would think he would at least offer to give me some gas money? NOOOOOO.

Next time he wants a ride, which no doubt he will have the nerve to ask again, I said its going to cost you this time... If he gives me money up front for gas, fine. If not, call a cab. I am so done being used.

 

[Halo]

Next time he wants a ride, which no doubt he will have the nerve to ask again, I said its going to cost you this time... If he gives me money up front for gas, fine. If not, call a cab. I am so done being used.

That's perfect Sunset. If you continue to give in and drive him wherever he wants to go then he is just going to continue to take with no regard for you and your feelings. I have found that some people are just like that...continue to take until you put your foot down. Now seems like a good time to put your foot down by setting boundaries.

Good luck, let us know how it goes and take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[sunset]

Thx Nancy... I need to calm down now, and I am having a real hard time of it. Sometimes I just want to get on a plane and go someplace nice, and not tell anyone where I am..

 

[Halo]

Sometimes I just want to get on a plane and go someplace nice, and not tell anyone where I am..

I hear ya.....but you would have to tell me where you are so that I could meet you on the beach and we could be sipping :cosmo: together :lol:

 

[sunset]

I hear ya.....but you would have to tell me where you are so that I could meet you on the beach and we could be sipping :cosmo: together :lol:

You dont know how good that sounds right now..... Any beach will do, as long as the sun is out, and its warm!

 

[Halo]

Okay Sunset what country and beach are we taking off to??? Oops ....I guess we shouldn't post it here because then everyone will know where we are planning to hide out with lots and lots of :cosmo: :cosmo: :lol:

Of course suggestions of countries with great beaches are welcome

 

[Cat Dancer]

Oh, sunset, I am sorry that you are having this problem. What a pain!

I don't have any advice except what has already been said about boundaries.

Oh, I want to join you and Nancy at the beach too.

 

[Cavi]

Hey can I come to??...Sunset, I'm sorry your going through this...RIMH

 

[sunset]

Janet and RIMH.. Of course you can come. How about the fiji islands? I could live on the beach for a long time there, and its not crowded! That would be wonderful to have you all for company.

I am not as angry this morning, but I noticed I am fighting a depression, and trying not to give in to that. I dont like being angry or depressed, and I want to be able to handle things without getting like this. Thank you all for your support. It does help to be able to talk about this here, and not get bashed for it.
People who tell me that"others have it much worse than you" or "snap out if it", are so NOT helpful. Yes, I know others have it worse, but I can only deal with what is on my plate, so that dosent help. And for people who say snap out of it?? If it were that easy, then I would do it in a heartbeat.

Hmmmm. didnt know I was headed in that direction.. Dont mind me. Going to pack for the fiji islands.. Meet you all there and I will have the drinks waiting.