Hello, all, I'm glad to be here and arrived after Googling "daughter dreads seeing narcissistic Mom," a fate that will soon befall me. I live in a different country, I'm pushing sixty and, one would think, could take care of myself. Though I tower over her, physically, and though she is 95 and cannot leave her assisted living facility without, well, assistance, I have nightmares about the person whom I prefer to think of as "Little Ms. Intrusive," as if to minimize the constant overstepping of boundaries. I really need only spend less than 48 hours by her side, and more than three weeks from now, but ugh. Why not cancel? Well, I was a longtime member of the (sadly defunct) Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers forum, and I've read around, and I know I can lie to her (an enormous relief) or go No Contact, which I've all but done. I'm asking myself why I haven't just cut her off completely. Partly for practical reasons: she is rich, we are poor, and at the moment I believe that I and my husband and children are still in her will. If I knew she weren't leaving me much of anything, would I go NC? I'd be more inclined to do so, yes. It's easy to make excuses. I guess I need more help with the dread, so I'd like to fill in a bit of my history. As a young teenager (fourteenish) I was sent to a Freudian psychoanalyst who told me that my mother was wonderful and I was lucky to have her. Unfortunately I stayed with him for the next 25 years. Until the year 2011--long after he had thankfully died--I believed he was right and there was something wrong with psychotic me. Then I started reading forums, plus contacting other former patients, and deprogramming myself. I've discovered the following: her psychiatrist sent him a letter describing Mom's incompetence, but not understanding it, and mentioning in passing that when Mom brought home my baby brother from the hospital, she asked if I'd like to see where he came from, then exposed her vagina. Her own shrink attached no importance to that moment apart from writing, "I guess with her anything goes," and apparently my own shrink also thought nothing of it--but similar behavior, including, for example, hugging me in train stations not like a mother but like a lover--grinding her pelvis into mine in a way that makes me pull back and feel revulsion--has defined my life with her. She was sexually abused, I've also discovered, and yes, I can pity her. But how to get through a brief visit in which thank God I'll have my own bedroom? 
