I'm really afraid

[seeking33]

As far back as I can remember, we've had to deal with tragedy and trauma in our family on a very regular basis. Anything that CAN go wrong HAS gone wrong in our lives and it seems nothing positive happens. I don't believe in curses and am the last one to consider myself superstitious, but all my life I've felt as though a proverbial "black cloud" has hung over my family for many years. As a survivor of many hardships, I can say that susperstition is laughable, but something happened to us today that really frightened me for the first time.

My mom attended a friend's funeral this morning. Usually the funeral attendant removes all of the funeral flags from the cars in the procession. Well, she came out after the service and noticed that everyone's flag had been removed...except for hers. It was left untouched. We called the funeral home and they want it back, maybe the attendant forgot it. The thing is, we often are the only ones to get, as one would say, "bad omens". I'm not superstitious, but countless times, weird things have happened before a tragedy or hardship struck, things we can't explain, and shortly after, things start going very wrong...

Some believe that things happen in a series of 3's...well, recently, 2 of my mother's co-workers lost relatives, so it would make sense that maybe she'll be the third one to complete the cycle, right? i'm thinking the one who's gonna die next is me...or her. I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about this, I suffer from anxiety as it is because our life circumstances are never stable with bad things happening so often, and I'm beginning to panic. i'm afraid to leave the house or do anything. Some advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[seeking33]

As far back as I can remember, we've had to deal with tragedy and trauma in our family on a very regular basis. Anything that CAN go wrong HAS gone wrong in our lives and it seems nothing positive happens. I don't believe in curses and am the last one to consider myself superstitious, but all my life I've felt as though a proverbial "black cloud" has hung over my family for many years. As a survivor of many hardships, I can say that susperstition is laughable, but something happened to us today that really frightened me for the first time.

My mom attended a friend's funeral this morning. Usually the funeral attendant removes all of the funeral flags from the cars in the procession. Well, she came out after the service and noticed that everyone's flag had been removed...except for hers. It was left untouched. We called the funeral home and they want it back, maybe the attendant forgot it. The thing is, we often are the only ones to get, as one would say, "bad omens". I'm not superstitious, but countless times, weird things have happened before a tragedy or hardship struck, things we can't explain, and shortly after, things start going very wrong...

Some believe that things happen in a series of 3's...well, recently, 2 of my mother's co-workers lost relatives, so it would make sense that maybe she'll be the third one to complete the cycle, right? i'm thinking the one who's gonna die next is me...or her. I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about this, I suffer from anxiety as it is because our life circumstances are never stable with bad things happening so often, and I'm beginning to panic. i'm afraid to leave the house or do anything. Some advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[ThatLady]

I can certainly understand your fear and concern, hon. Yet, let's not read into things. That only leads to finding "omens" that aren't really "omens", at all. They're just events. The flag was missed by the person collecting them. It can happen to everyone. It could be seen as indicating that your mother should remember her friend fondly, rather than as a bad "omen". Try to look at things with as much positive slant as negative. It will relieve a lot of your anxiety.

Hugs to you! I hope things start to look up for you and your family. )

 

[ThatLady]

I can certainly understand your fear and concern, hon. Yet, let's not read into things. That only leads to finding "omens" that aren't really "omens", at all. They're just events. The flag was missed by the person collecting them. It can happen to everyone. It could be seen as indicating that your mother should remember her friend fondly, rather than as a bad "omen". Try to look at things with as much positive slant as negative. It will relieve a lot of your anxiety.

Hugs to you! I hope things start to look up for you and your family. )

 

[seeking33]

Thanks for your kindness, ThatLady. I'm working hard to keep such negativity out of my mind. It's hard though, as it seems my mom is reading into more "signs" she saw today and her anxiety is rubbing off on me. i guess this morning she saw a van with a giant plastic skeleton on it leaving from the place I work at, so she asked me, "Why are we being shown these things? I'm really, really worried about your safety." Then a while ago i checked my email and on my homepage was the ominous question, "What happens after we die?" Maybe we were both a little spooked into noticing symbols of death lately, but her anxiety around me isn't reassuring. How can I reassure her if it's me she's worried about and I'm always a bag of nerves as it is?

I mean, I'm in college, I'm young, i guess I'm healthy but have a tendancy to worry about my health (probably because she's having many health problems at a relatively premature age) and her worry is hard for me to ignore. What can i say to her to relieve both of our anxious minds?

 

[seeking33]

Thanks for your kindness, ThatLady. I'm working hard to keep such negativity out of my mind. It's hard though, as it seems my mom is reading into more "signs" she saw today and her anxiety is rubbing off on me. i guess this morning she saw a van with a giant plastic skeleton on it leaving from the place I work at, so she asked me, "Why are we being shown these things? I'm really, really worried about your safety." Then a while ago i checked my email and on my homepage was the ominous question, "What happens after we die?" Maybe we were both a little spooked into noticing symbols of death lately, but her anxiety around me isn't reassuring. How can I reassure her if it's me she's worried about and I'm always a bag of nerves as it is?

I mean, I'm in college, I'm young, i guess I'm healthy but have a tendancy to worry about my health (probably because she's having many health problems at a relatively premature age) and her worry is hard for me to ignore. What can i say to her to relieve both of our anxious minds?

 

[Suzette]

Hi Seeking,

Just wondering: why does your mother say: ""Why are we being shown these things? I'm really, really worried about your safety."

Why doesn't shey say: "Why am I" and "my safety"...?

It comes across as your mothers anxiety is also put on you. Like her fears about her own health also apply to you.

But you are not sick and you are not your mother! It comes across as if you just want to live your life, with or without omens. In this situation you get more worried by this instead of trying to live your life as difficult as it already is. I can understand that.

And then you also see those signs as negative while you can also see it as positive like ThatLady said. If your mother wants to be afraid, that is her choice. But stand up for yourself and try to tell her that it really, really bothers you. I would get crazy of this to be honest.

This way you get a bag full of worries on your shoulders. Put them back where they belong: at your mothers feet.

 

[Suzette]

Hi Seeking,

Just wondering: why does your mother say: ""Why are we being shown these things? I'm really, really worried about your safety."

Why doesn't shey say: "Why am I" and "my safety"...?

It comes across as your mothers anxiety is also put on you. Like her fears about her own health also apply to you.

But you are not sick and you are not your mother! It comes across as if you just want to live your life, with or without omens. In this situation you get more worried by this instead of trying to live your life as difficult as it already is. I can understand that.

And then you also see those signs as negative while you can also see it as positive like ThatLady said. If your mother wants to be afraid, that is her choice. But stand up for yourself and try to tell her that it really, really bothers you. I would get crazy of this to be honest.

This way you get a bag full of worries on your shoulders. Put them back where they belong: at your mothers feet.

 

[ThatLady]

Once you get started doing the kinds of things you're doing...reading meaning where no meaning exists...it's an unending cycle. You'll just keep seeing things that can be read into, and keep reading into them, and sharing them between yourselves. What's that going to do? Turn both of you into nervous wrecks.

If I were you, I'd tell mom that I didn't want to think about omens anymore. I'd tell her I wanted to live my life a day at a time, and to live it happily...not in fear of what tomorrow might bring. I'd also tell her I hoped she'd live her life the same way. Then, I'd put aside the omens and take mom out to lunch. )

 

[ThatLady]

Once you get started doing the kinds of things you're doing...reading meaning where no meaning exists...it's an unending cycle. You'll just keep seeing things that can be read into, and keep reading into them, and sharing them between yourselves. What's that going to do? Turn both of you into nervous wrecks.

If I were you, I'd tell mom that I didn't want to think about omens anymore. I'd tell her I wanted to live my life a day at a time, and to live it happily...not in fear of what tomorrow might bring. I'd also tell her I hoped she'd live her life the same way. Then, I'd put aside the omens and take mom out to lunch. )

 

[Lana]

Hi seeking;

Reading your post, I can certainly understand why you would feel anxious. If I were you I’d feel the same. Always looking for signs of doom can unsettle the most settled person. However, our minds are quite powerful and tend to grasp things that we focus on. In some cases, a conditioned mind can fill in “blank” spaces to fit what we are occupied with and in essence, create a false view or omen.

For example, if I were to tell you to go outside and count 10 red cars, you may find that a bit challenging at first. But, soon enough, you would begin to see all the red cars, many of them, way over 10. In fact, you’d notice that most cars are, in fact, red. Once a thought is embedded in the mind, the mind will almost always steer you in that direction.

Having said that, what would happen if you were to shift your focus and looked for things that make you smile? Start with something small, perhaps a flower. Or, make a list of 5 things that make you smile then look for one of them. As with car example, I’m willing to bet that when you do that, you will begin to see all those wonderful things, smile, and ease your anxiety.

 

[Lana]

Hi seeking;

Reading your post, I can certainly understand why you would feel anxious. If I were you I’d feel the same. Always looking for signs of doom can unsettle the most settled person. However, our minds are quite powerful and tend to grasp things that we focus on. In some cases, a conditioned mind can fill in “blank” spaces to fit what we are occupied with and in essence, create a false view or omen.

For example, if I were to tell you to go outside and count 10 red cars, you may find that a bit challenging at first. But, soon enough, you would begin to see all the red cars, many of them, way over 10. In fact, you’d notice that most cars are, in fact, red. Once a thought is embedded in the mind, the mind will almost always steer you in that direction.

Having said that, what would happen if you were to shift your focus and looked for things that make you smile? Start with something small, perhaps a flower. Or, make a list of 5 things that make you smile then look for one of them. As with car example, I’m willing to bet that when you do that, you will begin to see all those wonderful things, smile, and ease your anxiety.

 

[Abraxis]

By the time I have finished writing this post, it is entirely possible that some astronomical anomaly will punch a hole in my roof and drive my corpse into the ground. Or, perhaps as I walk to get the mail, and out of control car will crash into me from behind and take my life. I have no idea what the next moment will bring, nor is there any way for me to know. People always say humans are afraid of the unknown. what could be more unknown than the future? Any ideas we have about what is going to happen are "projections" and should be viewed as mere reflections of how we are feeling. Quite obviously, your projections reflect your anxiety. However, I do not think that trying to ignore them with something will make them go away. A distraction can help at first, yes, but it will not eliminate the problem. As you and I both know, and by the sounds of it you very intimately, we cannot control tragedy. It is a cliche, yes, but still true. My most peaceful moments are those when I accept all bad thoughts of what could happen, all the terrible things that just might occur that day, and all the good possible scenarios that can happen as well. In these moments, there is no tension, because I am not trying to decide what it is I should be preparing for that will happen next. I simply acknowledge I could not possibly know. I am ignorant, and the only way to abolish that ignorance is to live through the next moment. By doing that, I know for sure what the "future" brings (only when the future becomes the present). I think it is part of an infantile ego that lingers with us through most of our lives that causes us to believe we have control over more than we do. The world is not ours to puppeteer. Rather, the only thing that one can profess to truly control is their own choices. In this sense, you have a choice. Live in fear of tragedy, which will reoccur without warning and is unending. Live in hope of happiness, which will reoccur without warning and is unending. Or, just live. Accept that every moment is an infinity of possibility, that you have no possible way of knowing what is going to happen, just like the rest of us, and just be without trying to shape how the next moment will come. Exercise what control you do have, and leave the rest in the hands of whatever forces mold "fate" or "chance".

 

[Eunoia]

hey! personally I think a big part of seeing "omens' is what you want to believe... or what happens to be the focus of your day/life right now. Let me explain; I had to go to the dentist last week- hadn't been since a long time and I was dreading this so on my way there I literally saw dozens of dentist offices, and was quite surprised to see so many, then I realized that they had always been there but I just had never paid too much attention to them (why would you? other things are much more interesting). Or another example; a friend of mine died in a car accident in the summer, she had a very distinct hair color (reddish) and was very vibrant and outgoing so whenver I saw someone even remotely liked that it reminded of her- but it's not like all of a sudden more people w/ red hair came to campus. makes sense? It sounds like a scary position to be in especially if you're worried about death, but from what you've described, it sounds like exactly that, just an omen that you can take for something bad or as others have suggested, as something completely different... there's no point living in the "what if" or being scared of everything to come especially if this makes you even more anxious and makes you stay at home. Tell your mother to stop worrying and tell her that she's not helping you either and if she can't find ways to work on this, try to do so for your own sake. Anxiety can be quite dibilitating. I hope you'll be able to see things for all their possibilities and not just the bad that they could represent....

also, in spite of everything that has gone wrong w/ you and your family, that's no guarantee for what will happen in the future. I find that sometimes those things not only make you the person you are today but so much stronger- not to say that it's be a whole lot easier if life were "easy".... but you get my point. You can take all of those things and see them as predicting your future or the inevitable, or take them for what they have taught you and see them as hardships you have overcome but have made it through.... I understand w/ what you mean by feeling like things always go wrong, one after the other, no breaks... but at some point things do get better, for a day, for an hour, for a week.... and those good things are part of your life too.