In a Panic

[Murray]

I am such a freak!

Someone just rang my doorbell and now I am having a panic attack. I know it is ridiculous, but I panic whenever anyone comes to my door.

I never answer the door. Luckily the room that I am in is in the back of the house, so I am not visible from the door. The stupid thing is that now I will be afraid to leave this room for hours. I just hate myself for being so weak and scared all the time.

My heart is racing, I'm shaking, dizzy, etc. I just feel so foolish. I hate that I get this way.:hide:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think many people with anxiety disorders feel that way, Murray. When you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, often your home is your haven, your sanctuary, so to have someone intrude into that sanctuary in such an unexpected way can be very unnerving.

 

[forgetmenot]

No you are not a freak you are just vulnerable and afraid right then I won't go door either unless someone is home with me. I hate even picking up phone unless i know who it is who is calling. You are just keeping yourself safe and that is a good thing i would think.

 

[Murray]

Thanks Violet.
I'm the same way about the phone. Caller ID has been such a great thing for me, although I still let most calls go to the answering machine, even after I know who it is.

 

[Jazzey]

Sorry Murray, I'm a little late on this thread. But, I agree wholeheartedly with Violet - not foolish at all. I often have the same reaction when people show up at my door unexpectedly and, I'm also guilty of ignoring my phone most days. Sometimes, it really is just a function of doing what we need to do to 'feel' safe sometimes. :support:

 

[forgetmenot]

Yeh me too when i just want to be left alone i just don't want to deal with people i just ignore the outside in hopes it all goes away. See you are not alone it is just a coping skill thats all take care.

 

[Murray]

Thanks so much you guys. I feel a bit better now.

I just hate that I have such strong reactions to such little things, that I can't seem to control my body and mind. It is just very frustrating that the littlest things can cause me to panic, even when I know that I am not in any danger.

I agree with Dr Baxter that my home is essentially my sanctuary, where I feel safe (sometimes) and any sort of intrusion freaks me out.

Anyway, thanks for the reassurance.

 

[unionmary]

...I remember full well when I was depressed. I dreaded a knock on the door, or the telephone ringing, people contact was not bearable. I didn't panic, I probably cried. Glad that is over with!! You can beat it buddy, tomorrow is a new day!!

 

[Freckles]

Hang in there, Murray! You are not a freak by any means! Everyone has their own individual things that make them nervous and send them into a panic.

I hope that you are feeling much better now and are finding your way back into the front of the house for dinner time. A snack would be nice, don't you think? I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy so a snack always sounds great to me!

 

[Murray]

Thanks Freckles,
A snack does sound good, yum. The difficulty is deciding which of the many snack choices to indulge in. This time of year is not good for my waist-line.

Congrats on being in your third trimester, it must be amazing!

I am feeling better, thanks. Not having any full blown panic attacks today, just lots of little ones. So...I guess that is better.

I have never been on any sort of online forum before coming here and I have to say that it is so nice to find such a supportive community. Everyone is so kind and compassionate and since it seems that we all have our various issues I don't feel like I am so abnormal. There is something to be said for being able to share the fact that something as simple as a person at the door can send me into a panic and to find that I am not alone in my suffering. It is nice to feel like I am not being judged (for once), or if I am at least it is anonymous so it's not so bad.

 

[forgetmenot]

I am glad to hear you are feeling better tonight and that the panic attacks have lessen. Glad you feel also comfortable to post as well as it helps others who can relate. Me being one of them take care.

 

[NicNak]

I am such a freak!

No Murray, you are a person who happens to have anxiety and panic attacks :support:

Someone just rang my doorbell and now I am having a panic attack. I know it is ridiculous, but I panic whenever anyone comes to my door.

I never answer the door. Luckily the room that I am in is in the back of the house, so I am not visible from the door. The stupid thing is that now I will be afraid to leave this room for hours. I just hate myself for being so weak and scared all the time.

This happens to me too Murray. When I am in the living room watching TV and someone knocks on the door, I mute the TV and sit very still and quiet. Then I hear the outside door close and then I know they have left.

Violet mentioned about the phone and caller ID. I am the same with the telephone too. It startles me. Infact my alarm clock startles me too :blush:

I think many people with anxiety disorders feel that way, Murray. When you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, often your home is your haven, your sanctuary, so to have someone intrude into that sanctuary in such an unexpected way can be very unnerving.

Dr Baxter nailed it for my experience. My home is most definately my sanctuary. If certian people visit my mom, who make me uncomfortable, I cannot even stay in the living room. I retreat to my bedroom until they leave.

Personally I only invite certian friends over, who understand my anxiety and who I feel extremely safe around.

Often times I feel silly for my panic and anxiety, but now it depends on the situation. I try very hard to give myself a break, because coping with anxiety and panic is not easy. I have found when I do panic, I make it worse on myself when I call myself stupid, or a freak.

I try to remind myself when I want to start calling myself names, that I am not stupid, nor am I a freak. I am a person who happens to be struggling but still coping with a serious anxiety disorder.

I am proud of you for reaching out to us when you are feeling this way. We are always here for you. :support:

 

[Murray]

Thanks NicNak,

I am trying to stop the negative self-talk. My therapist has been trying to get me to ban certain words that I call myself. It is funny, but as he points out to me, I would never even think of talking to anyone else in such a negative manner.

As far as having people in the house, I can understand how you feel. Sadly, I have taken it a bit too far, it has been at least 12 years since I have let anyone come into my house.

 

[NicNak]

Thanks NicNak,

I am trying to stop the negative self-talk. My therapist has been trying to get me to ban certain words that I call myself. It is funny, but as he points out to me, I would never even think of talking to anyone else in such a negative manner.

The negative things I often think of myself I would never say to anyone else either. Funny how we are nicer to others than ourselves eh?

I had found too, that some of the negative feelings or thoughts I had of myself were based on what other people say to me.

I can be on a level where I can cope and start to feel a bit good about myself and all it takes is just even the smallest negative comment from someone toward me to deflate me.

I recall one day being all happy when I left my psychiatrist appointment where he said "You do so well!." and he started naming off things that I do well with etc.

I was so excited to tell my "friend" for which she replied "WHAT???? Is your doctor nuts? You are not doing well! In the last year, I can even see you have gotten worse!" It took all I had not to burst into tears and to say, "He is not comparing me to you or "regular" people, he is comparing me to others who are coping with the same conditions that I am."

She was able to deflate me and crush me.

I spoke to my psychiatrist the next time about this and he said that my response to her saying that, is one of the many reasons he said I do well. Because I knew what he was meaning and even at that, for me to know I do well coping with my condition was enough to make me happy.

My doctors have always said "Itty bitty baby steps" I always remember this when I struggle.

When I am not in a big depressed mode, I take those windows of time to try to reflect on the good things, my good qualities and the things I am good at. It is all individual.

We all need a gentle reminder to be kind to ourselves. :support:

 

[Murray]

Isn't it amazing how the smallest negative comment can be just devastating? One thing that I am struggling with is that I completely believe and take to heart the negative comments. Yet, if someone says something positive I either don't believe it or often even feel like the person is mocking me. I don't always feel this way at first, but upon reflection, it usually occurs to me that they must have been making fun of me or patronizing me. I think part of my problem is that if I start to believe anything good about myself or feel like I am an okay person, I end up feeling overwhelming sense of guilt and have to remind myself of how horrible I am and that no one could really think anything positive about me. That sounds really pathetic, I know, I m trying to work on that negativity.

It is great that you can recognize the progress that you have made. Even those Baby Steps are huge accomplishments. It sounds like you have a supportive therapist, which is so helpful.

One of these days I am going to figure out this "quote" thing. Hopefully this will make my posts a bit more clear. In the meantime, sorry.

 

[NicNak]

I know the feeling too, all too well. I often say my logical side believes the negative things to not be true, but the anxiety side runs with the negative things.

It is very difficult at times to keep a balance.

That is why, on the good days for me, like today/tonight. I keep the postive thoughts flowing and reflect on the positive side of things. So when I do have those bad days, there I have postive things to think back on.

 

[Murray]

I am so glad that you are in a good place right now.

I have even taken to writing positive things in my journal, in addition to the other stuff. This has been somewhat helpful for me as usually unless I write it down, I can't even recall the positive things when I am in one of my more depressed moods. I will sometimes read through my journal entries and come across a compliment that someone gave me or something that I accomplished and it will be a surprise to see it there, as I have forgotten all about it. I am finding that gradually as I am trying to remember and be more aware of positive things about myself, they are feeling a bit more acceptable. Not sure if that makes any sense.

 

[unionmary]

Thanks Freckles,
A snack does sound good, yum. The difficulty is deciding which of the many snack choices to indulge in. This time of year is not good for my waist-line.

Congrats on being in your third trimester, it must be amazing!

I am feeling better, thanks. Not having any full blown panic attacks today, just lots of little ones. So...I guess that is better.

I have never been on any sort of online forum before coming here and I have to say that it is so nice to find such a supportive community. Everyone is so kind and compassionate and since it seems that we all have our various issues I don't feel like I am so abnormal. There is something to be said for being able to share the fact that something as simple as a person at the door can send me into a panic and to find that I am not alone in my suffering. It is nice to feel like I am not being judged (for once), or if I am at least it is anonymous so it's not so bad.

touche