In love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

[Anon145]

Where can I begin?

I have a major problem -I know there are many people out there going through worser stuff than me yet I'm so depressed and sad ?€?and have been feeling this way since I was small.

My problems are too much I am a self harmer and have been cutting for a long long time I am 17 and that's a problem . I like older men - and that's a problem. I have fallen in love with a 37 year old and he is over the net we have been talking for nearly over a year and we have become very close I love him so much and my love towards him is so strong yet he is married his relationship with his wife is not very well and he suffers too just like me - I long for him every minute of the day yet he works all day and buries himself in work. he tells me he talks to me more than he does with anyone - and he says he does "Love me" yet I feel I remind him of his past love affairs - I hate to be so suspicious but I want him to tell me everything about his past love experiences I suffer everyday because he is married and the worst thing is hes far away from me I hate every moment of it - and the sad truth is that I'm unsure whether he loves me like I love him.

I love older men in general ok not over 50 I just like men who are 30 to 45 approx ..but I am committed to him - I long for him to email me everyday but its just not possible - I hate to see him so down and low and Ive already started to save up to meet him yet if I only believe in marriage and the problems is he is my first love Ive never felt anything for guys who are my age or in their 20's its always been the elder men the matured men not the younger ones - and I hate myself for loving them because its something I cannot control - what can I do ?

I'm so confused yet pained I'm restricted from everything most of the time and I am fed up of being a prisoner in my own home I long to be loved everyday especially by him and only him but I want to grow out of this love before I do something to myself it hurts me day and night and really need his love and hugs only€?he is my love and I am to blame for loving him - Ive been cutting a lot and it helps too what am I to do ?

Is love a sin ? why cant we be together ? how will I meet him ? I know him so well but I feel so vulnerable I just need him to protect me *cries*

Help *tears*

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

Anon, this "relationship" is already causing you pain. It isn't going to get any better, believe me. It is a disaster heading for a tragedy and the person who will be left standing alone right in the middle of the mess will be you.

I do understand that the power of the internet can be very compelling. But you don't really know this man - you only know what he chooses to present to you. He may even believe some of it himself but that doesn't change anything.

He is 20 years older than you. That in itself would potentially be a problem but it's also your choice. But this isn't even someone you can get to know in person. He isn't real. The person you think he is does not exist.

What you do know about him is that he is married and 20 years older and lives far away from you. That's the reality and none of that is going to change. He isn't looking for a relationship with a 17 year old girl. He is looking for excitement, a thrill, a distraction. If you were to actually meet him, he would use you and discard you.

You really need to stop looking for Mr. Right on the internet, Anon. Look for him in the real world.

 

[Anon145]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

Hello David thank you for posting your message

i know its heading towards disaster i feel it myself but how can i stop loving him ?

it kills me i wish i hadn't met him or fell in love with him and the worst things in life is that u can never control what u feel this is an illusion in my head and it hurts so much .

i know i haven't seen this man and it hurts even more i mean hes sent me a picture of himself

it has never in my life bothered me that hes 20 years elder to me what bothers me most is me not able to be with him ...maybe he just doesn't exist and oh how much it pains me and makes me want to cut more and more ...

it pains so much because i never have had any feelings towards people my age and thats a shame because i feel that all of them are immature ..u said he is looking for excitement , thrill and distraction i mean how do u know he is ?

how can he use me n discard me the thought of it kills me I'm blinded by loving an illusion a fantasy and it kills me alive already ...
looking for Mr right in the real world isn't worth it because its not going to happen and there is nobody made me for me ...

-cries-

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

There is somebody "made" for everybody -- sometimes it takes time to find that person but as long as you're tied to Mr. Wrong you're not going to find Mr. Right.

I think we humans often think that loving someone or even being in love with someone means we have to do something about that. You don't need to make yourself stop loving this man. Just stop yourself from thinking that you have to act on it.

Loving another person isn't enough to feed a long-term relationship, no matter what that Beatles song said.

 

[Anon145]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

-sigh- alright i need to pm you. I'll explain somethings there if that's all right

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

Received your PM and replied to it.

 

[Anon145]

in love with a 37 year old ...causing me major depression

thnkx