In love

[Lana]

in love

Dear sister;
From your posts, I can see that you are really taken with this man. I can also sense much sadness and frustration.. I’m curious though: what is it that you like so much about this man? Specifically, what is it that he does, or doesn’t do that draws you to him. You mentioned that it’s not his looks. You also mentioned that he has shortcomings. What are they?

 

[Lana]

in love

Dear sister;
From your posts, I can see that you are really taken with this man. I can also sense much sadness and frustration.. I’m curious though: what is it that you like so much about this man? Specifically, what is it that he does, or doesn’t do that draws you to him. You mentioned that it’s not his looks. You also mentioned that he has shortcomings. What are they?

 

[sister]

in love

I live in Graal-Müritz, it is a small town, everybody knows one another, at least I have sometimes such an impression. So I can’t describe him, I can’t give any details or reveal some facts, because then, if one of my acquaintances, or even my teacher himself, will visit this forum – I’ll get in trouble. My state is a very great secret. I’m paranoid about it.
The same time mentioning my town wasn’t by chance, I have a weird idea, I hope that he will guess… and find me himself, if he needs it.
I like everything, what is connected with him. I’m very romantic. I like all his world, his interests, his past, his way of thinking, his emotions, his looks, everything, good or bad. I like his adulthood, he acted very protectively, like a parent, like a superior and caring spirit. I like time we spent together, I like sitting near him and listening to what he says, and contradicting, or obeying. I like the season we spent together, a like the weather, that was during our lessons, I like the way to the driving school, I like the clothing I wore during the lessons, and the clothing he wore. Every detail is precious. His schortkommig is – if I may cal it a schortcoming – his “being near to the nature”. Our lives differ very strongly. I’m a student, I read a lot of “clever” books, I value art, I’m very selective in music, I hate pop stuff. And my parents, relatives and friends are like me. And he is absolutely different, he is just a very pleasant and nice human being, without any weird ideas or lots of books in the mind, I like it, I want him to stay like that. But sometimes it made me feel uneasy, I mean the music that sounded in his car – it was the radio with pop music, and it even offended me a bit, he has bad taste, or may be he just don’t understand music at all. And some ideas about way of life, and the fact that he has no high education. He comes from a different social group, it doesn’t spoil anything, it is just a small barrier between us.
But it is really nothing, I love this man.

 

[sister]

in love

I live in Graal-Müritz, it is a small town, everybody knows one another, at least I have sometimes such an impression. So I can’t describe him, I can’t give any details or reveal some facts, because then, if one of my acquaintances, or even my teacher himself, will visit this forum – I’ll get in trouble. My state is a very great secret. I’m paranoid about it.
The same time mentioning my town wasn’t by chance, I have a weird idea, I hope that he will guess… and find me himself, if he needs it.
I like everything, what is connected with him. I’m very romantic. I like all his world, his interests, his past, his way of thinking, his emotions, his looks, everything, good or bad. I like his adulthood, he acted very protectively, like a parent, like a superior and caring spirit. I like time we spent together, I like sitting near him and listening to what he says, and contradicting, or obeying. I like the season we spent together, a like the weather, that was during our lessons, I like the way to the driving school, I like the clothing I wore during the lessons, and the clothing he wore. Every detail is precious. His schortkommig is – if I may cal it a schortcoming – his “being near to the nature”. Our lives differ very strongly. I’m a student, I read a lot of “clever” books, I value art, I’m very selective in music, I hate pop stuff. And my parents, relatives and friends are like me. And he is absolutely different, he is just a very pleasant and nice human being, without any weird ideas or lots of books in the mind, I like it, I want him to stay like that. But sometimes it made me feel uneasy, I mean the music that sounded in his car – it was the radio with pop music, and it even offended me a bit, he has bad taste, or may be he just don’t understand music at all. And some ideas about way of life, and the fact that he has no high education. He comes from a different social group, it doesn’t spoil anything, it is just a small barrier between us.
But it is really nothing, I love this man.

 

[Lana]

in love

One other question: what is your relationship like with your parents?

 

[Lana]

in love

One other question: what is your relationship like with your parents?

 

[sister]

in love

No problems. Very loving and tender relations. I'm lucky with my family.

But i was always inclined to fall in love, or to like people who are older than me, and with whom it is almost impossible to develop a relation. Perhaps it is my shyness, that makes me take safe choices.
I'm kind of bored with guys of my age, may be it is just a psychological defending.

 

[sister]

in love

No problems. Very loving and tender relations. I'm lucky with my family.

But i was always inclined to fall in love, or to like people who are older than me, and with whom it is almost impossible to develop a relation. Perhaps it is my shyness, that makes me take safe choices.
I'm kind of bored with guys of my age, may be it is just a psychological defending.

 

[hugsy]

in love

could be lots of reasons why. maybe if you know that you fall in love easily, it will help in dealing with it.
as i read your description of him, it occurred to me that maybe it is interesting to you to see/experience someone who is totally different from you and your family and friends. maybe it brings some sort of balance.
and maybe it satisfies some sort of curiosity about different lifestyles or way of being.

 

[hugsy]

in love

could be lots of reasons why. maybe if you know that you fall in love easily, it will help in dealing with it.
as i read your description of him, it occurred to me that maybe it is interesting to you to see/experience someone who is totally different from you and your family and friends. maybe it brings some sort of balance.
and maybe it satisfies some sort of curiosity about different lifestyles or way of being.

 

[sister]

in love

No, I’m sure that this love has nothing to do with any psychological reasons or serches. I love him without any reason in it, there is nothing special that droves me to him, it is love, it is my soul, my heart, my whole nature. And the same things I value in him. I let him be like he is, I accept all his traits, without ranging it to good and bad ones, it is all the same to me. I love him wholly. And I love this feeling. I see that it is spoiling my life. I’ve got really weird. I have no fears, I bacame rather cold to my close people, to my friends, even to my family. I’m really a bad person now, I don’t notice many things around me, I became indifferent and a bit lunatic. But it is not a depression, it is a very deep love, which makes everything else insignifikant. And in my mind I want to get rid of this feeling and to regain equanimity. But my soul, the real me wants to keep this love, to stay wilth it, to do everything possible for getting this person.
I couldn’t sleep yesterday, I was in despair, I thought about how would I live one more day without him, and I had such a dangerous idea. I decided to go to to the driving school, right in the night, and wait there for him. His working day begins aroud 8, so I decided to wait there, to spend there the rest of night (and it was about 5 hours), and then, on his coming, stop him and tell him everything. Fortunately I’m too well-bred and proud for it, my mind managed to calm my feelings. But I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t want to do anything without him any more. Every minute I try to live, I try to amuse myself, I meet people, I smile, I laugh, I tell lies, I read, I think about good things, but it’s not the real me, it’s just the work of my will-power. And the real me is in the dreams, and when I just for a moment become aware of the reality, I get almost dead, the sorrow, the understanding, tha I’ll never be with him – it’s impossible to stand, and I dive into dreams again.
Please, tell me, what should I do?
It’s getting worse and worse, I’ll grow mad, I’m already a bit insane.
I’m rather nice, he liked me, he showed it to me. And I know that there are other guys who like me, so I wouldn’t be an unpleasant surprise for him. But… he also showed his fatherlike attitude towards me. Oh, what should I do?

 

[sister]

in love

No, I’m sure that this love has nothing to do with any psychological reasons or serches. I love him without any reason in it, there is nothing special that droves me to him, it is love, it is my soul, my heart, my whole nature. And the same things I value in him. I let him be like he is, I accept all his traits, without ranging it to good and bad ones, it is all the same to me. I love him wholly. And I love this feeling. I see that it is spoiling my life. I’ve got really weird. I have no fears, I bacame rather cold to my close people, to my friends, even to my family. I’m really a bad person now, I don’t notice many things around me, I became indifferent and a bit lunatic. But it is not a depression, it is a very deep love, which makes everything else insignifikant. And in my mind I want to get rid of this feeling and to regain equanimity. But my soul, the real me wants to keep this love, to stay wilth it, to do everything possible for getting this person.
I couldn’t sleep yesterday, I was in despair, I thought about how would I live one more day without him, and I had such a dangerous idea. I decided to go to to the driving school, right in the night, and wait there for him. His working day begins aroud 8, so I decided to wait there, to spend there the rest of night (and it was about 5 hours), and then, on his coming, stop him and tell him everything. Fortunately I’m too well-bred and proud for it, my mind managed to calm my feelings. But I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t want to do anything without him any more. Every minute I try to live, I try to amuse myself, I meet people, I smile, I laugh, I tell lies, I read, I think about good things, but it’s not the real me, it’s just the work of my will-power. And the real me is in the dreams, and when I just for a moment become aware of the reality, I get almost dead, the sorrow, the understanding, tha I’ll never be with him – it’s impossible to stand, and I dive into dreams again.
Please, tell me, what should I do?
It’s getting worse and worse, I’ll grow mad, I’m already a bit insane.
I’m rather nice, he liked me, he showed it to me. And I know that there are other guys who like me, so I wouldn’t be an unpleasant surprise for him. But… he also showed his fatherlike attitude towards me. Oh, what should I do?

 

[Impunity Jane]

in love

Hello sister, it sounds like you are really fed up with this.

Perhaps you have a great deal of love you need to lavish on someone. Also, as you say, you prefer to escape into the dream world of your love, rather than be in the real world, and maybe you find the real world difficult or boring.

You really have to realize that this isn't about him, it is about you - your need to escape your life right now, or to have some romance.

You have to remind yourself, over and over, whenever you start to think about him, that you are just creating a fantasy, you are making it all up in your head and then believing that it is true, when it isn't.

If you were to actually spend time with him you would quickly discover, it would be nothing like what you are imagining. You would discover he is a very ordinary person just like your Dad, or your brothers, or any other man you know well. Being with him wouldn't solve your problems or make you happy in reality, it is only in your dreams that you convince yourself that would happen.

The best cure is to spend time with friends and keep busy doing fun things. Get out of that dream world and back into the real world, you will forget all about him.

 

[Impunity Jane]

in love

Hello sister, it sounds like you are really fed up with this.

Perhaps you have a great deal of love you need to lavish on someone. Also, as you say, you prefer to escape into the dream world of your love, rather than be in the real world, and maybe you find the real world difficult or boring.

You really have to realize that this isn't about him, it is about you - your need to escape your life right now, or to have some romance.

You have to remind yourself, over and over, whenever you start to think about him, that you are just creating a fantasy, you are making it all up in your head and then believing that it is true, when it isn't.

If you were to actually spend time with him you would quickly discover, it would be nothing like what you are imagining. You would discover he is a very ordinary person just like your Dad, or your brothers, or any other man you know well. Being with him wouldn't solve your problems or make you happy in reality, it is only in your dreams that you convince yourself that would happen.

The best cure is to spend time with friends and keep busy doing fun things. Get out of that dream world and back into the real world, you will forget all about him.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love

sister, if it is love, it is an extremely obsessive love.

Either way, I have trouble seeing it as healthy for you. I think you really need to find a therapist/counsellor to help you with this.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love

sister, if it is love, it is an extremely obsessive love.

Either way, I have trouble seeing it as healthy for you. I think you really need to find a therapist/counsellor to help you with this.

 

[sister]

in love

I’ve seen him today, he drove by in his car, he noticed me and I couldn’t help turning away. I wasn’t able to look at him.

 

[sister]

in love

I’ve seen him today, he drove by in his car, he noticed me and I couldn’t help turning away. I wasn’t able to look at him.

 

[Daniel E.]

in love

Obsession is when you cannot function as a person on a daily basis without thinking about an object of affection. Love is mutually supportive, caring, and giving.

...Rather than finding happiness from within, an obsessed person looks to others for happiness, thereby denying them one of the greatest gifts of all, self-love.

...Our society is such that we have come to believe that the woman or man attached to our arm somehow validates us.

Confusing Love with Obsession - WebMD

 

[Daniel E.]

in love

Obsession is when you cannot function as a person on a daily basis without thinking about an object of affection. Love is mutually supportive, caring, and giving.

...Rather than finding happiness from within, an obsessed person looks to others for happiness, thereby denying them one of the greatest gifts of all, self-love.

...Our society is such that we have come to believe that the woman or man attached to our arm somehow validates us.

Confusing Love with Obsession - WebMD