In love

[WishMaster]

Hello Sister

Hi Sister,

I read ur message and i want to express my opinions on that situation. If u said u are in love with with driving teacher.. My opinion is to listen to your heart and do the first step, but before try to know if that person have a special feeling for you. Because if you love him and he dont... it would be very hard for u." We said that its hard when you love someone and you that person dont love u back:

May be he don't know your feelings and he just consider u as a simple student... let him know how u feel about him and im sure things will spice u and will go thru..

i wish you good luck in your love

Wish Master

 

[hugsy]

in love

hi sister,
i've been through this too. i thought i was in love with my therapist years ago. it was hard dealing with my feelings. i did things that i later felt embarrassed about. nothing drastic, thank goodness, but still i later wished i hadn't done them.
take some time to think about things, to understand yourself and what exactly you feel for this man. why do you love him? what about him makes you feel the way you do?
time and experience has taught me that i fall in love easily, feel deeply and it takes me a long time to get over things. does this sound like you? i've "banged my head" on the wall of love many times, and i've learned that it's not always the best thing to go with your feelings. i've learned that i need to understand my feelings first, why i feel attracted to the person, what makes me love them, etc. and recently i discovered that after i understand those things, that if they are things that i admire about the man because it's something i wish i could do, or be like him, it's a clue to me that there is something in myself that is missing that i'm trying to fill with someone else.
i think it's ok to be inspired by others, that doesn't have to mean that it is love. it might feel like love, but sometimes it's nothing more than admiration. sometimes it is a feeling of being appreciated or even being paid attention to. sometimes we want attention and don't know how to go about getting it, so when someone pays us attention without us ever asking for it, it feels good. and we confuse it for love. try to understand what it is about him that makes you feel good.
i reveal these things about myself so that if there is something here that you can relate to, it can help you to understand yourself. take a closer look at yourself and focus more on understanding what's happening and why, and focus less on how much you love/miss/etc. him. focus more on yourself and building yourself up, and less on him. i know it's easier to focus on others, easier to focus on anything other than yourself, but i think it's important that you try.
that is the part having to do with you. now there is another part. and that is him.
he is older than you, he would be flattered to have a young woman find him attractive and have love feelings for him. that could cause confusion and hurt, for you mostly, but i think also for him. it's more complicated than you think.

 

[hugsy]

in love

ps...
i think it's great that you found this forum to open up and tell how you feel. it does help to let feelings out and have feedback. if there is someone you know and trust, it wouldn't hurt to talk to them too. the more you talk about your feelings, the less overwhelming they feel.

 

[sister]

in love

Jeah, he would be flattered and pleasantly surprised, he would enjoy it, i'm sure. But i'm not shure, whether i should do it. I feel, that it is like an addiction. It is not a pure, deep and so on feeling, it's like a drug. I need him like water and food. And i see how it is, i know, that we don't belong together, and that this kind of relationship - if it will work - will bring me lots of trouble. I know everything that wise men would advise me, and sometimes i'm kind of angry with him, cause he has done this to me, it is all true, but I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM. I do it, and it hurts increadibly, like an permanent pain. I feel pain every moment, i go to sleep and wake up with it, i do my everyday's business with it, i see the world through it. I'm not afraid of anything any more. The pain has become so great, that it has made me indifferent to everything else. I'm really absolutely fearless now.
Hugsy, thank you for understanding. I can't tell this story to anybody in my real life, cause i'm a bit paranoid, and i'm afraid, that any of my friends will find him and tell him everything, just for fun. i can't even write about it in my native language.
And this forum really helps me, thank you very very much!
Ah, I have deleted his phone number, to preserve myself from doing a stupidity. And now, to tell him how i feel, i'll have to go right to the driving school and tell him everything to his face.
It is impossible.

 

[sister]

in love

You see, I became quite entangled. I repeat and repeat the same phrases, and people give me the same answers, and I repeat the phrases again, and get the answers again. It is a cirkle, that helps me a bit out of the pain, just for a moment, and then the torture returns, and I keep repeating the phrases. But I can’t understand it.
Oh, I don’t know what to do. I’m not stupid, I used to understand myself and learn life lessons, and listen to advise, but now…
There is a lump of feelings in my soul, and the more I think about it, the less I understand anything at all. I don't want to go to a psychologist, i don't believe, that he can help me. No one can cure love.
I feel like crazy, I can’t control myself. I’ve read lots of psychological literature abuot my case, but nothing works. It toesn’t reach my soul, nothing but him can rich my soul. And my mind is powerless.
I feel confused to abuse your attention. Sorry.

 

[hugsy]

in love

sister,

i'm not sure what your native language is, but the fact that you are reaching out and writing in a language not your own tells me that you want, at the very least, some kind of help and relief from what you're feeling. i have a few suggestions that might help...

write down your thoughts and feelings, let them out. if you don't want anyone to read what you've written, burn it after you're done. the thing is to let out your feelings. it's a way of giving yourself some relief.

write here, read here. for some reason writing helps. and getting feedback from people (like in here) helps too.

i know you feel this love and you are in pain. maybe you are not ready to think and understand yet. so maybe you can try something else in the meantime. maybe it would help to give yourself a certain amount of time in the day to feel your love and pain, and then turn it off for a while. like, maybe you could think about him for 10-15 minutes, whatever thoughts you want to think, then when the 15 minutes are up, you stop and go do something that brings you happiness. whatever makes you feel good that doesn't have to do with him, maybe you could do that for 15-30 minutes. so that you feel more balanced. focusing on one thing (whatever it is) can be exhausting. give yourself a break some time.

also, if you don't trust your friends, is there a family member? or church member you can talk to? there must be someone you can trust.

i have a question...why is it so important to keep your feelings a secret from people you trust? i'm not saying that you should go to this man and tell him how you feel, but there are other people in your life. can you trust any of them?

a psychologist would be the perfect person to talk to, for many reasons...
1) they won't tell anyone the things you tell them so you don't have to worry about what they'll do with the information you give them
2) they are objective
3) they are not directly affected by what you are going through so you don't have to worry about how they will feel about what you're feeling
4) they can help guide you to understanding what's happening with yourself
5) they will allow you to go at your own pace in figuring this out

maybe you can find a way to see a therapist without having to explain flat out why to your parents. your parents may have noticed that there is something bothering/affecting you and might be wondering how they can help. it might not be so bad telling them that there is something you need to work out and you need someone to help guide you. you might be surprised to find out that they are very willing to give you what you need.

 

[sister]

in love

My parents say, that something awful happens to me, they try to speak to me, try to restore the contact we used to have, but they fail. I got gloomy and cold, and they don’t know what is it. They don’t guess that it is love, because I have never spoken to them about it. I woud like to open up, to tell them everything, but I can’t. There is a psychological barrier that prevents me from this, it has something to do with shame. The same barrier also exists between me and my friends. Shame and a bit of paranoia. I can’t trust anybody, even my language, even myself (I’ve said, I had deleted his phone number, because I was afraid to call him during a breakdown. Now I feel safe and unhappy.).
And, you know, I’ve done what you say some time ago. Before posting to this forum, I wrote everything down and burned the paper, and then I did it again and again. It helped, but then I realized, that it made me even more unhappy. I felt soooo lonely, and my wish to be with him became stronger, because on paper it seemed so real and so possible. An ordinary situation, which might have a happy end. I wanted to run to him and to embrace him, and I almost did it. Once he embraced me, I did’n react, and made it so, as if I took it for a necessary movement to fix something in the car. He looked at my serious face and smiled. It was one of many situations, which expressed his liking. But it was just liking, nothig more, it gave me hope and fed my feelings. Generally I was a nice child to him, and he didn’t conceal such attitude.
I’ll try the deal with minutes, it seemes to be a temporary way out. 15 minutes relief is much, really much, because I dream all the time, even during my exams.
There is one thing I’m afraid of: what if he feels the same and can’t confess it because of the generation gap, and also because of my being so cold and indifferent with him (I played this part very well), then we are just 2 happy fools. How can I find out how he feels?
I long for being with him deadly. I’m dreaming, I’m happy in my dreams, and hate reality.
Oh, sorry, I’m taking too much space at this forum. Thank you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love

No, you're not taking too much space, sister. Take as much time and as much "space" here as you want.

My concern is that you are yearning after a hopeless relationship. And that as long as you are doing that, you cannot look for or find a relationship which will truly be what you seek.

 

[sister]

in love

I'm feeling better today!
The pain is not so sharp, i wonder, is it a temporary relief, or a sign of recovery.

 

[ThatLady]

in love

It's probably a sign that you're beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, hon. These things hurt very sharply at first but, after awhile, things get better. You may backslide from time to time, but you're on your way out of the misery, I think. )

 

[sister]

in love

I've seen him driving by, i walked down the street, there were trees between the pavement and the road, so he didn't notice me. It was just a glimpse, and first i felt a sharp pain, but it didn't last long, it was relieved by a feeling of light disgust. I felt it towards his appearance, his way to behave, his look, his voice everything seemed disgusting to me. If i met him on the street, it wouldn't be pleasant for me to talk to him, what is it? I still love him, but the same time i feel disgust.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

in love

I still love him, but the same time i feel disgust.

That doesn't sound like love to me, sister. Obsession, maybe, or some other type of attraction, but not love.

It actually sounds a little like the reaction many people have driving by a car accident... they don't want to look but they can't not look.

 

[sister]

in love

No, this is love. This is the most strong feeling i've ever felt, this is love.
And disgust - i believe, it is because of too much suffering.
But still i would do everything to be wiht him.

 

[lammers1980]

in love

I would agree that what is being described here sounds more like obsession than love. Love is a beautiful feeling of belonging and acceptance, which really can only exist in a reciprocal form. Love should not provoke such a response.

 

[jeffrey]

in love

It`s all too easy to get swept along with these most powerful emotions,they are in themselves seductive to the point of becoming like an addiction...the adrenaline rush the butterflies,feeling totally consumed,not being able to sleep,having erotic thoughts of making passionate love with that person.I do understand i`ve been there,you can`t see anything else you become blinkered to the world and the only focus is that person,it makes you feel physically sick because it`s too much,your body is trying to tell your mind that this is not healthy.It is obsession,your riding a rollercoaster that is going to come off it`s tracks and it`s a hell of a long fall.You feel like your alive for the first time and you believe that you couldn`t possibley let this feeling go,you must,it`s fantasy,not real...the feelings are i know but what you are projecting them onto isn`t.Slow down and catch your breath for one day it will come and then you will realise that this is not what you thought love is,your trying too hard,love is gentle and reafirming,love is kind to your heart and your feelings.
Hope this helps Jeff

 

[sister]

in love

Thank you, Jeffrey.
Emotions are so much seductive, my brain doesn't want to loose them, to loose this pleasure and feeling of happiness.
I'll try to gain reason.

 

[sister]

in love

Hello!
I'm here again, because i'm still suffering. I've tried all the recipes, nothing helped.
I think of him, and dream. He is the first thing i remember on waking up, and on falling asleep. Being on the street, i'm always looking for his car, and - fortunately - don't see it, if i would, i'd perhaps faint, or cry and run, or something else of this kind. I'm not happy with this feeling. I can't enjoy life, i'm indifferent to everything but him.
I can't talk about it with anybody, being anonymous is the only way to release my trouble.
Please, if anybody knows a really efective solution - tell me, i'm sooooo tired of this rubbish, i want to get rid of it. I'll do everything what can possibly help, i'm ready for even most bold decisions, just to live and be free, without this feeling.
Love is the most wonderful thing, i know it now, but this one is just chokes me.

 

[sister]

in love

Hello!
I'm here again, because i'm still suffering. I've tried all the recipes, nothing helped.
I think of him, and dream. He is the first thing i remember on waking up, and on falling asleep. Being on the street, i'm always looking for his car, and - fortunately - don't see it, if i would, i'd perhaps faint, or cry and run, or something else of this kind. I'm not happy with this feeling. I can't enjoy life, i'm indifferent to everything but him.
I can't talk about it with anybody, being anonymous is the only way to release my trouble.
Please, if anybody knows a really efective solution - tell me, i'm sooooo tired of this rubbish, i want to get rid of it. I'll do everything what can possibly help, i'm ready for even most bold decisions, just to live and be free, without this feeling.
Love is the most wonderful thing, i know it now, but this one is just chokes me.

 

[sister]

in love

I’ve found new friends, I’ve travelled, I’ve changed my way of life, I’ve tried to be constructive, I wrote my thoughts down, ridiculed it, ridiculed myself, it didn’t help. Sometimes it fades, but then it comes back with a new strengh. I can’t understand, what is the reality, and what is my fantasies any more, it got confused.

And it is also important: he IS NOT handsome. When I first saw him, I felt absolutely nothing, he is not the kind of man girls fall in love in. If I met him in the street, I wouldn’t notice him. And now I like all his shortcomings, and the fact, that he is just a driving teacher, and that he is so much older than me, and even that it is him, who did it to me. Sometimes I like my pain, because this pain is connected with him.

 

[sister]

in love

I’ve found new friends, I’ve travelled, I’ve changed my way of life, I’ve tried to be constructive, I wrote my thoughts down, ridiculed it, ridiculed myself, it didn’t help. Sometimes it fades, but then it comes back with a new strengh. I can’t understand, what is the reality, and what is my fantasies any more, it got confused.

And it is also important: he IS NOT handsome. When I first saw him, I felt absolutely nothing, he is not the kind of man girls fall in love in. If I met him in the street, I wouldn’t notice him. And now I like all his shortcomings, and the fact, that he is just a driving teacher, and that he is so much older than me, and even that it is him, who did it to me. Sometimes I like my pain, because this pain is connected with him.