Interesting conversation

[lallieth]

I have always believed that certain people come into our lives at certain times for various reasons,perhaps to teach us something.I met this lady at breakfast after exercise class that I took an immediate liking too,and we started in on a very interesting conversation with 5 mins of meeting each other

She told me that I looked a bit anxious and asked what was wrong,when I poured out the whole story of being chased by dogs and how it brought up anxiety,she listened carefully and then said "I am a cancer survivor,I know anxiety and what it can do and what it cannot do"

"What it can do is make some moments in time miserable.What it cannot do,is take over your life" When you have learned to give up the control and I mean ALL the control,then you will see exactly where your anxiety is based" If you fear a certain thing,such as the health of your family,then you have to realize that you cannot CONTROL what happens on a daily basis,you cannot CONTROL what happens in the future,and not to minimize it in all honesty Sh** happens..."

She also asked me if I could picture my other self,the one without anxiety.

I couldn't and she said "is it because you have become so comfortable in being the person you are now,that you are afraid to move forward'?

Very interesting and food for thought.

 

[ladylore]

"What it can do is make some moments in time miserable.What it cannot do,is take over your life"

That must have been an interesting coversation. I agree with this part imparticular.

 

[Lana]

There's a lot of truth in what she's saying, particularly about being too comfortable in our current roles. A while ago I was listening to Laura Schlessinger (a.k.a. Dr. Laura) on the radio. I'm not a huge fan of hers but this story was fascinating.

When she was doing her therapist training, she had a patient, woman, that came to her exhitibing signs of depression, and anxiety, and other issues. Her major complaints was that she's tired, that no one helps her, she has to do everything, and so on. Her anger seemd to be directed mostly at her husband.

During conselling sessions, they brought in the womans husband and devised a plan where he would help her out. The husband was very receptive and began helping around the house and taking over some home chores. However, the woman was getting worse!! She was angry, irritable, upset, depressed, anxious, you name it.

Laura was stumped and went to speak to her supervisor. She told her the story about the couple adding that she had no idea what to do now. The husband did everythign the woman wanted now, but the woman was getting worse. The supervisor then told her that the issue was that the woman was so comfortable in her role as a victim, as one that needs help, as one that carries everything, that when that was taken away from her (when husband picked up his share) it unsettled her because she had no idea what to do with herself. Basically, she didn't know what her purpose was anymore and that scared her which translated into anxiety and anger.

 

[Halo]

Thats a really great story Lana...thank you :goodpost:

 

[meagan80]

Wow that makes a lot of sense. I think I have the same problem, I never seem to be satisfied. Thank you for shedding some light.:dimples:

 

[lallieth]

Lana


That story makes alot of sense to me.IN fact a few months ago,my brother said to me "when you stop feeling comfortable in your role as a victim,then you will change your life"

He explained it was much easier to play a victim than a survivor,because in becoming a survivor,a person would have to open themselves up to a whole range of scary possibilities.And that we get comfortable in the roles we have been placed in or placed ourselves in...
He believes that he and my other brothers and parents put me in a victim role,because I was the youngest and was always playing for sympathy and attention,which they constantly gave to me for being the cute baby sister.

I was angry at him saying this,but when I thought about it,I began to realize that he was right.

Perhaps instead of focusing on controlling the anxiety I need to learn to let go of it

 

[Lana]

The "comfort" is that a person would know what to do if "this" or "that", the usual, happened. So, in using the example that I spoke of earlier: if the husband didn't take out the garbage, she was the poor wife that had to do it herself because that SOB of a husband didn't do it as she asked. Now, he takes out the garbage and she stands in her clean kitchen, looks around and there is nothing to be done. She's out of synch with the world as she knew it.

It doesn't always have to be a victim role, but more of a comfort zone, where you're, figuratively speaking, at home. Usually, when we learn something new, there is a bit of discomfort....think new shoes And it takes a while to get them to fit right. I think it's the same with any changes in life, we need to take each habit (or one pair of shoes) and change them one day, and even one step, at a time. Keep some of the comfy ones, but slowly start replacing the destructive, unhealthy, or no longer useful ones. It's all about keeping balance.

Sometimes people want to change everyting NOW! But that's not realistic and only sets a person up for a fall. One at a time is the way to go. And there doesn't have to be any order, whatever you're ready to tackle. This is why working with therapist is good because that's precisely what they do for you: they help guide you one change at a time while balancing everything else. So, even though things may seem to be falling apart and nothing is changing...trust me...it is....bit by bit. The anxiety or panic, more then likely, is just a conditioned response to something unfamiliar, to a change.

 

[lallieth]

I agree Lana.I try and look at these anxiety filled moments as a catalyst to change.As my dr said to me yesterday "it is quite normal to want to protect your family,but you have to learn to put it all in perspective"

I DO NEED a new pair of shoes,the ones I am wearing now are worn and old and I have no use for them anymore