Introduction

[montclair]

Hi, I am a 50yo male trying to find some help. I am self employed in the financial planning arena. Married 25 years. I am an avoider of conflict, which leads me to hiding and lying to cover up. This has put a tremendous strain on my marriage. I try to make some progress but eventually slip back into my comfort area of lying and hiding. Mostly this surrounds hiding money and what I do with it from my wife. I am ashamed and want to permanently stop this behaviour in my life. I hope you all can try to help me.

 

[Meg]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Montclair

I am sure that you will find some information that is useful to you in the various forums within this site. You may like to check out the relationships forum in particular.

Have you and your wife considered seeking couple's therapy at all?

 

[Budoaiki]

Welcome to psychlinks Montclai,

First question I have is have you any counseling and or therapy about this?

 

[ladylore]

Welcome to Psychlinks.

 

[texasgirl]

Welcome to the forum, Montclair!

:wave:

TG

 

[Banned]

:welcome: montclair! I look forward to getting to know you a little more.

My question is the same as Meg's - have you and your wife considered counselling for this, or, would you consider counselling on your own? Sounds like the issue might be multi-layered (lying, avoiding conflict, spending money, shame, behaviour you can't control) and therefore I'd say that professional help is definitely something you may want to consider.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, montclair.

 

[Retired]

Mostly this surrounds hiding money and what I do with it from my wife

Hello Montclair,

I would ask the same question as the others, whether you (and your wife) have considered therapy?

Is your wife aware of your redirecting funds? Have you had a conversation with your wife about this? What is the worst thing that could happen if indeed this conversation created conflict between you and your wife?

 

[montclair]

Welcome to Psychlinks, Montclair

I am sure that you will find some information that is useful to you in the various forums within this site. You may like to check out the relationships forum in particular.

Have you and your wife considered seeking couple's therapy at all?

Thanks Meg. I guess it is a possibility however right now I am trying to focus on myself and my issues.

---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------

Welcome to psychlinks Montclai,

First question I have is have you any counseling and or therapy about this?

I had some counseling over 5 years ago. I am interested in finding someone who can really help me.

---------- Post added later and automatically merged ----------

Is your wife aware of your redirecting funds? Have you had a conversation with your wife about this? What is the worst thing that could happen if indeed this conversation created conflict between you and your wife?

Yes she is aware. She has caught me a number of times. It is always a blow up, I feel bad and ashamed and promise that I will change. But I never really confess to everything, I am still hiding, hoping things will blow over. Once things settle down, I try for a while to be honest and upfront but eventually slip back to the behaviour.

The worst thing is she would finally have had enough of my broken promises and end the relationship.

 

[white page]

Welcome to Psychlinks, montclair.

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Montclair! :welcome: to Psychlinks!

 

[montclair]

I am thinking that I should find a professional as soon as possible.

How do I find the best one who can help me in my area? I feel lost and dont want to make a mistake. This is my life and very important to me!

Any resources, referrals, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Retired]

You might try calling the local office of the Canadian Mental Health Association for suggestions. The link I provided, lists the CMHA offices in Ontario.

 

[Jazzey]

Welcome to Psychlinks montclair

 

[Budoaiki]

I would recommend approaching you doctor about it, he or she will help you get started. Also if you had to guess when you first noticed this and what might have caused it you would probably surprise yourself with your own insight.