Is it my fault?

[kelsischanging]

My mom is always telling me that my self injury is all my fault, and why don't I just stop doing it. I have tried to tell her that I can't just stop or believe me I would!! I mean I know that I was the one who started cutting... I just feel so guilty about it....so I guess I'm just wondering what you all think...is it my fault...am I just a useless person with no self control... sorry I post so much... I appreciate your replies!
Kels

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Of course not. Even the concept of "fault" here has no real meaning.

There is a reason for the self-injury, of course -- it has a purpose -- usually it's a way of trying to express certain feelings that you don't know how to express in other ways. The task is to identify what those reasons are, what those feelings are, what the triggers are, and then find different and healthier ways of expressing those feelings and/or coping with those triggers.

If it were as easy as "just stopping", people who self-injury wouldn't have a problem, would they? They would simply "just stop". That's like saying, if only depressed people would just be happy, they wouldn't feel depressed. Well, duh... I guess not but of course it isn't that simple.

 

[kelsischanging]

Thank you so very much for your reply Dr. Baxter, that makes me feel better! I appreciate all your work on this site...without this site I sometimes don't know what I would do late at night when I have no one else to talk to! Thanks again for all your work and your reply!
Kelsey (kels)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're welcome, Kels, and thank you for the kind words about the forum. I'm very pleased to hear that you find it helpful.