Is it normal?

[Lonewolf]

This will be the first Christmas with out my best friend! He died in June, this year and i still forget that he's not there anymore! I wake up thinking il phone him and arrange to go out somewhere with him! I liked going out in his car with him, he loved driving! I attended bereavement therapy a couple of times, but i was told that my mental state was a concern and i needed to talk to a mental health worker before the therapy continued, i have not been able to attend since!! I wish i could go with him, be next to him! He was always so afraid of being alone, we made a pact that we would leave this living hell together, he left without me! i was in hospital having an operation on my head and the day i came home, i got that 'phone call' i was and still am devastated by it! Sometimes i wish i didn't ,make it through that op! At least he is with God now! He was a religious man and always strived to be close to God! But we will never be together because im still here, struggling and fighting everyday, on my own!! He made me feel safe!! He is the only one that accepted me for who and what i am, I didn't before i knew him and i don't now!! I have a picture of him and it makes me cry every time i look at him, every time i think about him! i miss him! Feels like this pain will never go away!! Should i be getting over this by now? Is it meant to hurt like this forever? what can i do to sort my head out? I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!!:nightmare:

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: is it normal?

I am sorry you lost your friend hun Is there not anyone that you can talk to about him. It helps sometimes to just talk about the ones we are missing.
With regards to the pain and sadness hun we all grieve differently and there is no time span on that grief. It is ok to cry let the tears fall ok don't push them inside it only makes things worse hugs

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: is it normal?

No, there is no one i can talk to about him, lol! I have problems dealing with emotions anyway, but i feel vulnerable if i breakdown infront of anyone! And i can't talk about this without filling up! The thing is that i want to go and see him, but his family won't tell me where they scattered his ashes! It was a very private affair!! Im on my own in this!!mg:

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: is it normal?

You know what hun you have your own ceremony to commemorate your friend ok do something in his memory hun plant a tree he loved ok something hugs

 

[Katieann]

Sweetheart...how do you feel spiritually about all this...? Yes, your friend has passed over - and if he was in terrible pain, perhaps it was best for him at this time... I had/have a friend like that also... and to make matters worse, we'd had a falling out for years before she died. But somehow I knew, when her time had come that she was in dire straits... but her husband said that she would not have wanted me to see her in her bad condition....

Your friend is on the Other Side... whether you're "religious" or not... even science says that energy cannot be destroyed - it simply changes form...
For sure, he's not on earth presently, but in the world of the spirits... I believe ( and so many others do...) that he can hear you and feel your love...

Why don't you speak to him from your heart, and send him your love too? If you sit very quietly ... and listen... you'll hear his voice and feel comforted...and in turn you can tell him your troubles... Life here is short enough... no reason to rush critical learning processes...

Hoping that my outlook is appropriate and at least a little helpful,

Sending warm thoughts,

Katieann XX00 :star: :heart:

 

[rdw]

My best friend passed away five years ago and I still think about her every day. I live far away from where her ashes are buried so to honour her memory I planted a tree in my yard - it's my Cathy tree. I cried and cried when I planted it but now it makes me smile and helps me to remember all of our good times.

 

[Banned]

Reeper, thank you for starting this thread. I just lost a friend a couple weeks ago when we were together on vacation so it is still very fresh. Seeing others suggestions on how you can remember your friend is helpful for me as I'm trying to decide how to commemorate my friend as well.

Just remember that six months is not a long time for grief and grief has no timeline. The first year after is a year of, well, firsts.. First Christmas, birthday, summer, etc without your friend so you are bound to have trouble with grieving the loss all over again. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to experience the feelings.

For me, my friend was a scuba diving buddy so I think I'm going to get a tattoo of a diving flag and somehow incorporate his initials into it to remind me all he taught me about diving, life, and laughter.

 

[heatherly]

reeper, what you are going though is so normal. i am afraid what i will go through if my husband dies, so i don't think about it now.
it is true that people grieve differently, some longer that others. i grieved for 3 years when my 16 year old dog died; will never forget her.

i agree with katieann. consciousness cannot be destroyed according to quantum phsysics. only the body dies. i also like kathieann's idea of sitting quietly and talking to your friend; it really works. you don't need to be where your friends ashes are because your friend is no longer in his body.

i hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[Lonewolf]

Im scared that i will forget the sound of his voice, the warmth of his smile? He bought me a 'chatermol' toy last christmas that we both mucked about with, you squeeze its hand and speak and it repeats it back to you in a squeeky voice, but it doesn't maintain it and i sincerly wish that it did! I just need to hear him one more time!! I need to feel safe again! I send thoughts to him sometimes, but it hurts so much, deep inside to think i had all those years knowing him and i never told him how special he was! He is the only one in my life that accepted me for me!! Even though there was no romantic feeling or relationship at all between us, he was devorced and me.... well thats another story!! I looked up to him like a father figure!! He even helped me decorate my home and on a difficult day that makes me sad too!! Reminds me how kind he was and how he was so considerate! He and i lost a dear friend to a nasty suicide last year, but we coped together and now hes gone too, i just don't know if im strong enough to stay this side of life without him? Its such a lonely 'non-life' without him! Im not sure how to comemerate his life, it will need lots of thought and inner-strength, i hope that when i have faced and dealt with this, i will be able to survive his absence! I cannot see a future and infact the prospect of one, is truely terrifying! A minute at a time!! :facepalm:

 

[Banned]

A minute at a time is right. What do you think he would want for you and your future?

 

[Lonewolf]

I know what he wouldn't want for me, lol! He wouldn't want me to be in pain!! :facepalm:

 

[MHealthJo]

Reeper, I think the way you felt about him must certainly have come across to him from you in one way or another, in your own ways. Certain words you think you should have said may not have been necessary; special feelings often have a way of getting across regardless.... and we all have our own "love languages"... it is okay that as we go through life we have not learned all the different "love languages" yet. We have our own individual ones that we use as we go along....

So sorry for your loss. Sorry to hear your sad news also Turtle. Hugs to you both. xoxo

 

[Frank7White]

Time. It is only a matter of time before you feel better. It is a process but you get the choices. You make your own destiny. What ever you want to happen in your life is what will happen. If you look at it in black and white then there are two choices, suffer forever, or move on. Black and white. Choose to be happy again or choose defeat. I choose to be happily, health, blessed, redeemed, successful, and find the person that I will live with forever in happiness. I choose the future over the past. If you want to talk, I may have more answers for you.