Is it possible to just move on?

[ithappens]

my parents divorced when i was only in first grade, but since that time i have had limited acquantances with my father. last year i went to live with him after my mom kicked me out (she says i chose to leave) nehow, i lived w/him for awhile, n in that time i tried suicide, something i had wanted to do for a long time. I kno that what i did was wrong, but it was just something i had to go through. now my father doesn't want to even see me unless i'm on psych drugs, n my relationship with my mother is strained. i graduate from high school in a week and 1/2, n i asked both my parents if they would like to come to my graduation. i told my dad that he would have two tickets, n i told my mom that she could have the rest (two on baccalauret night, n 3 on that actual day of graduation). both of them said that they did not want to come. since then, my mother has decided that she never said that, n that she had always planned to come. she's even throwing me a graduation party, something i didn't think i would get, n i'm so glad that she's doing this. but i can't get my issues with my parents out of my mind. i kno everyone has stuff they have to go through in their lives, and i guess i'm just wondering what a good way to cope is cuz this constant desire that i have for their love/attention is slightly misplaced, i'm suppose to be past that point in my live, and i'm not. when i'm with people, i keep thinking about other things/other places, and when i'm at the other places, i think of the ppl i'm not with. i'm pretty sure i have depression n should get therapy, but i don't have my own health insurance, n live in the states, n don't think i could finance it right now, but that is something i plan to do
i guess i'm just wondering what they best thing might be to do so that i can just get from here to there. i'm optomistic enough to think that things will change, and with graduation, i will get a lil more space, but in the mean time i'm afraid/scared/worried, cuz a lot of my pain stems from stuff that is years old, n yet i just can't get over it
is there anyway to?

 

[witsend]

is it possible to just move on?

Yes....issues with parents can and will definitely tear at one's heart. I can feel your sadness and even a level of frustration due to these cicumstances. I do have a few suggestions! Maybe...therapy wise, you could attain some assistance from government-funded agencies?? Surround yourself with a strong circle of good, trustworthy friends.
Posting on here, can be most beneficial! The individuals on this site seem to be VERY caring, understanding and most interested in helping others like you and I thru difficult times.

Your parents are adults, they made their choice and sadly, it has had a negative impact on you! (Which is quite understandable.) My advice to you my friend is this:

1. Love and honor them both.
2. Do not "take sides" in the event of a dispute between them.
3. Cherish those individual moments with the both of them.
4. Be thankful you still have both parents and they are in good health-I hope!)
5. Realize that the choices of others, DOES at times--affect us adversely, but we are not responsible for their actions...only our reactions.

And who knows...........fate may have it, they could reconcile....I've heard and seen stranger things happen my friend!

Congratulations Graduate!!!!!! You have a lot to be proud of----YOU made it---in spite of cicumstances! A lot of people would have "used" your situation/problems as a scapegoat---but you did not.

Hang in there, stay in touch!

 

[Suzette]

is it possible to just move on?

Hi Ithappens,

You are a survivor. My goodness...

What you described in your past year is tough, very tough. And you are still graduating?? You are a miracle on legs.

You write: "But i can't get my issues with my parents out of my mind."

Well that can happen. When a lot of things have happened and you have not been able to work it out, it just travels along with you.

"i kno everyone has stuff they have to go through in their lives, and i guess i'm just wondering what a good way to cope is cuz this constant desire that i have for their love/attention is slightly misplaced, i'm suppose to be past that point in my live, and i'm not."

You don't have to apologize for this. When I was 20 I was treated like an adult while I felt like a say, 1-year old. I also had the desire of much love from my mother, still. Others (who did not have a clue about our family situation) said I acted immature but later on it became obvious that I had very good reasons for that longing.

It is good that you notice it. You undoubtedly have your reasons for it. And you also say that you want to work on that. You've got your brains together, I can tell you.

A good way.... well... Witsend just wrote some suggestions on therapy. Ofcourse this forum is also great for your questions about your parents and your relationship. To sort things out, to talk, to help you dealing with it. If you feel it as a support and relief, don't hesitate.

Would it be a help to you if you write your thoughts on paper? Sometimes thoughts keep running around in circles in your mind and then writing them down keeps them there. Then perhaps you can concentrate more on where you are or what you are doing.

Ithappens, you are open to sorting it out. That is a great thing. Consider the suggestions and make up your mind what you want to choose for, what you think is best for you, if that option was being stated also.

Again: congratulations on your graduation. If I wore a hat, I would have taken it off right now, for you.

Love,

Suzette