It hurts

[Lonewolf]

It doesn't matter how many tears I cry, the pain is still there! Not only is the loss of my best friend hurting but also everything else! In fact its probably true to say i'm overwhelmed by loads of sadness and fear!

My mood has dropped so low now, I don't seem to be able to pick myself up again! I don't have a lot of strength left inside me.

Just the slightest memory, thought, feeling is hitting me, deep inside, like a lead weight and im in tears almost immediately!


I wish everything would just stop!!!

sorry!

 

[Retired]

What measures are you taking to deal with the emotional crisis that appears to dominate your life?

Have you sought therapy?

Have you discussed your deteriorating mood with your doctor, in order to receive treatment?

If so, what treatment and or therapy are you receiving?

Have you looked for a bereavement support group where you can meet others learning to live with their loss?

 

[Lonewolf]

I see my GP once a fortnight for a bit of extra support! she tells me 'i'm doing well' and to 'keep going' which is slightly encouraging I suppose! I did also attend bereavement therapy, but I was unable to continue going to it because they were concerned about the state of my mental health!
That's is all the support I have access to at present, apart from these forums!
Im trying so hard to sort myself out, but it feels almost impossible now!!
sorry for being so negative about things!

 

[Budoaiki]

The grieving process is different for each of us but there is a process to it and there is no shame in seeking help with it, after all that's why they're paid and very well educated to do it. It's hard losing some one close to you but don't let that cause their memory to be a source of pain. Remember the things you shared the joy they brought into your life and what they saw in you can be seen and appreciated by others if you let them let that be one of their gifts to you.

Also if your GP is telling you your doing ok but you don't feel that you are is there something you're not sharing with him/her?

 

[Lonewolf]

Maybe? my actual GP is off sick until the end of june so im seeing a different one until mine comes back! I have trouble trusting people, I trust my GP but im still afraid of the GP im seeing now! I get intimidated easily, I am suspicious of new people! Im struggling to tell this GP anything too personal!! Im doing my best to co-operate!

 

[Retired]

Your priority should be to get help stabilizing your mood disorder, by receiving the appropriate treatment, which might include medication, if your doctor feels that is right for you.

The fact that your primary doctor is on vacation is completely irrelevant, because your doctor arranged a replacement with someone your doctor trusts and who likely works in the same style.

Doctors should not judge people because they are trained professional whose main interest is the health of their patient. The only thing the doctor is interested in is knowing the symptoms, because it's only by knowing your symptoms that a competent diagnosis can be made, in order that a rational therapy can be recommended.

There should be no reason that you cannot report your symptoms to the replacement doctor, the same way you probably would with your primary physician.

By not getting the immediate help you need, you do yourself a disservice because your symptoms will not magically disappear. If you have a mood disorder, it is a medical illness that needs professional medical intervention. You cannot will the illness to go away in the same way you could not will diabetes or coronary heart disease to go away.

Do yourself a favor, call the doctor, report your symptoms the same way you have shared them with us here, and take the first step to regaining control of your life and enjoying the quality of life you deserve.

 

[Lonewolf]

mg: :facepalm: mg: mg:

 

[MHealthJo]

Have been thinking of you Reeper.....

Any changes going on?

xx

 

[Lonewolf]

Not really, lol! Except im feeling these emotions more intensely now! Everything and anything is cutting me to the core, deeper and deeper! I am having trouble to stop myself disappearing into myself! I don't want the people that mean so much to me, to feel my pain! (I know that sounds daft!) and I am struggling not to switch off from the rest of the world! Im sorry! I know I should have moved in the right direction by now, and I haven't!! Just don't seem to get to grips with this!! I feel like im in the way of myself! (again I know that sounds daft!) but its how It is! Everything is so painful, especially when im sort of ok and I know A*** has gone from me, it hits me again and again! I don't think il feel that safe ever again!

Im so sorry!

 

[MHealthJo]

Don't be sorry..... it is okay to have your feelings and express feelings. Its really good that you do that. It's really good that you have taken steps forward in doing that. You have moved forward you know, you have done really positive things you were too afraid to do at first. Real glad for you, and I know in time you will take other steps too. It is probably good that you do that under the support and guidance of the GP you trust. She will help you to do so at the right time.

It is probably extra hard too at the moment with your main GP away. So please feel very free to receive more support from us.

Yeah, missing your friend will seem more painful and strong during times when ordinarily it is what he would have comforted you with.....

I wonder if you could remember the gift of having known him, imagine his presence, imagine his voice saying what he would say? Remember that his care and friendship is an eternal thing......

Are there some more thoughts and feelings to talk about?

xx

 

[Lonewolf]

I think there is, but im not in a good place at the minute! I have s/h and I need to sort it out! Thankyou for hearing me! Maybe il be in better shape to talk tomorrow, no promises though because im having to take things a minute at a time just to get through!! thanks

 

[MHealthJo]

Wishing you some strength to get through each minute.... Yeah, feel free to talk some more at a better time....

Hope a little relief comes to you soon... sorry you are not getting much relief from the medicine yet..... xx

 

[Budoaiki]

Thereeper,

I think I can relate with not wanting to expose the people you care about to your pain. I have trouble with this, especially when making new friends but I've also learned that the people who you care for don't want to see you suffer alone.

Not everyone will know the right things to say or do but sometimes just having someone hear you out can provide insight even just expressing it to and/or hearing a new perspective can provide incredible insight.

It can be scary because we fear the things that weigh us down could do the same to others but if anything this site has taught me it's that a compassionate perspective can show us things about ourselves we miss. Strengths we didn't know we had courage that can be redirected to improve our lives and the relationships we cherish.