It was me!

[Lonewolf]

In recent times I have had it reinforced that it was me that had control when I was being abused as a child!!! I have always had an immense amount of guilt about it anyway, but now I know how the people I tried to protect, feel!!! I really hate myself right now!!

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: it was me!

It is never, ever, ever the child's fault when they are abused. There are no circumstances that would EVER make that true. It just isn't true. There are even adults who get abused and it is NOT their fault.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: it was me!

Is that true for any circumstances at all???

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: it was me!

Yes. That is true for ANY circumstances at all.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: it was me!

I wish I could convince myself of that, lol! I really do! Someone said it gets easier as time goes by and possibly it could if it wasn't rammed in my head that those that did this were not totally responsible! Like I had a say in it!!

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: it was me!

It does get easier as time goes by. You have to keep telling yourself that it was not your fault even if you don't believe it and eventually you WILL believe it. It will help when you get a therapist who can reinforce this truth.

 

[Ftbwgil]

Hi Lonewolf you should not hate yourself.... youve been abused enough already. It was definately not your fault if you where abused and it was definately not your fault that you could or did not prevent. You where just a love assuming innocent child and your hope and survival instincts triggered in and created coping mechanism.
So in no way whatesover you are at no fault... not at fault for being abused and not at fault for preventing or stopping the abuse. You where a child and a victim without any tools or means to deal with the situation. I think thats what upsets me the most personaly is I beat myself up for not having done anything not seen it not prevented or stopped it. I constantly beat up in my mind my abuser for what he did and myself for the inaction. We where just children...... And so working on letting that time go is essential to wellbeing as we cannot change of affect the past and no matter what angle we look at or how we construct the memory...... its over. All we can do is stop the self abuse we are putting ourselves thru by trying to figure out and repair the past. At one point after visiting a memory I think its important to immediatly try to replace it with healthy NOW moments. It was not our fault and eventually we come to realize that the abuser might have been abused as well. So forgive yourself first and with time try to forgive the the abuser ..... forgiving the abuser is a ongoing things as some days you might slip back into the hatred vengeance etc........ Forgiving and the practice of will free your soul.

 

[Lonewolf]

I guess so! Im not sure If I agree that it's all over yet, though lol!! Im not going into that on here cos im not able to face on my own!! It's something I need to deal with if i am ever strong enough!! Not now!!